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Ok to lie to myself and others?
- Thread starter DarkLady
- Start date
RidingDutchman
Well-Known Member
Looking at your profile and spotting your age really makes me say not to worry about it. There are threads about sexuality on this forum of people at way higher age that are still virgin and so was I at that age.
Personally I wouldn't worry about being a virgin or not if it's just to seem "normal" for other people, if you personally don't have a problem with it then it isn't a problem. People tend to be ignorant so just avoid the topic or whatever, rather be a 30 year old virgin as a 16 year old slut I suppose.
So unless you personally really want to do it because you want it, not because others make you feel like you should, don't worry and just be happy with who you are, sex isn't nearly as good as people make it out to be (it's like 95% bragging anyway)
Personally I wouldn't worry about being a virgin or not if it's just to seem "normal" for other people, if you personally don't have a problem with it then it isn't a problem. People tend to be ignorant so just avoid the topic or whatever, rather be a 30 year old virgin as a 16 year old slut I suppose.
So unless you personally really want to do it because you want it, not because others make you feel like you should, don't worry and just be happy with who you are, sex isn't nearly as good as people make it out to be (it's like 95% bragging anyway)
DarkLady
alien baby
I do lots of solo stuff with and without toys and I read and watch erotica all day so I guess I'm interested but the issue is I don't. Like traditional relationship and people trying to hard. I personally think it's fine to lie and if I ever get a partner (I'm bisexual) then I will likely lie and use my knowledge to feign experience. It's too embarrassing to me
RidingDutchman
Well-Known Member
If you at least know what you're doing, it's probably hard for people to tell if you have experience with it, I'm a pretty open book myself and pretty much tell the truth to everybody and am a firm believer of truth prevails, lies will catch up.
I personally don't see the problem in you being a virgin and many guys actually like that in a girl, so don't worry about that either.
But if it really troubles you, do whatever you feel fit, it's not the sort of lie that will really hurt people and if you feel happy about yourself, that's the most important thing
I don't think the lying is wrong in this case. It's closer to self defense, to avoid mockery/bullying.
I think the 'hating other people' is unethical however. Hating NTs just for being NT makes about as much sense as hating Aspies for being Aspies. There was no choice involved and they do nothing wrong simply by being.
Btw, its better to compare like to like. In other words if you must compare, compare Aspies to Aspies, and NT's to NTs. Delays in establishing relationships are normal for us.
I think the 'hating other people' is unethical however. Hating NTs just for being NT makes about as much sense as hating Aspies for being Aspies. There was no choice involved and they do nothing wrong simply by being.
Btw, its better to compare like to like. In other words if you must compare, compare Aspies to Aspies, and NT's to NTs. Delays in establishing relationships are normal for us.
I've thought about pretending to be not-asexual in social situations just so I don't stick out like a sore thumb when the conversation, for some reason all too often, veer into that direction. (Ugh why, people.) I don't know if I can do it. Lying is hard. It takes a lot of practice before it can feel "natural", at least for me.
Aspergirl4hire
Mage, Sage, Revolutionary
I would have to say, no, not ethical--self-deceit is ugly because it's how you build the bubble that keeps other people out, then reduces them to objects, and suddenly your universe gets really, really quiet. I think Tom made a good point. I also think that treating your own body and mind with respect cannot produce anything but good, and if you haven't met someone who can both respect and appreciate you--mind and body--it makes no sense to just screw for the sake of screwing. There's a difference between being a skilled lover and a sex therapist, and no skill in the world matches the experience of discovering your own pleasure through someone else's eyes and touch. Why waste that?
DarkLady
alien baby
I personally do not believe in marriage, children, or long term committed relationships. I think it would be unrealistic to expect myself to take another person's needs into consideration. If I can't get any, lying to myself might be the only way to stay sane.
Nisk
The Spoiler King
Most people would be able to figure out if you were inexperienced or not if they've had any sort of a sex life. Fantasy and reality can be very different.
Lying to yourself and others can lead to some very uncomfortable situations. It's impossible to maintain a lie forever.
In my experience lying to yourself will eventually lead to delusional thinking, I would start to lose sight of who I was because I constantly lived behind masks. I would have to keep track of countless "stories" I'd tell to others. Eventually from lying to myself for long enough I began to use justification, rationalization with my thinking. I made sense to be this way because that's how I got what I felt I wanted from people. Eventually lying became full on manipulation of people for the sole purpose of hiding my fears. I would justify it saying I was protecting myself or that this is the person people want to be with. Eventually people would discover I'm not who pretended to be and they would either leave or I would run away before being confronted. Pain is a very good modivator and after long enough I came to realize that if I want someone in my life whether friend or lover the only way to achieve a lasting and meaningful relationship was by being honest with who I am. It takes time to discover who we are but the time discovering that can be just as exciting and the people we meet along the way will be in our lives because they choose to be not because their dazzled by the character we portray.
Your young and you have a longtime to become who you want to be. It's your choice to face your fear of people knowing who you really are or living a life of hollow attachments and possibly even slipping into delusional thinking like I did.
Lying to yourself and others can lead to some very uncomfortable situations. It's impossible to maintain a lie forever.
In my experience lying to yourself will eventually lead to delusional thinking, I would start to lose sight of who I was because I constantly lived behind masks. I would have to keep track of countless "stories" I'd tell to others. Eventually from lying to myself for long enough I began to use justification, rationalization with my thinking. I made sense to be this way because that's how I got what I felt I wanted from people. Eventually lying became full on manipulation of people for the sole purpose of hiding my fears. I would justify it saying I was protecting myself or that this is the person people want to be with. Eventually people would discover I'm not who pretended to be and they would either leave or I would run away before being confronted. Pain is a very good modivator and after long enough I came to realize that if I want someone in my life whether friend or lover the only way to achieve a lasting and meaningful relationship was by being honest with who I am. It takes time to discover who we are but the time discovering that can be just as exciting and the people we meet along the way will be in our lives because they choose to be not because their dazzled by the character we portray.
Your young and you have a longtime to become who you want to be. It's your choice to face your fear of people knowing who you really are or living a life of hollow attachments and possibly even slipping into delusional thinking like I did.
Personally I don't think lying about this sort of thing is that bad, if it makes you more comfortable, but keep in mind that being caught out in a lie or being expected to now more than you actually do in a sexual situation would also be very uncomfortable.
On another note, I really don't think you should worry about being a virgin at your age. I recently ended up with a large group (around 30 odd) of [drunk] people talking about the age at which they lost their virginity. The ages varied from 15 to 24 (not counting myself, still a virgin at 25 and not planning on changing that any time soon), and the most common were between 17 and 21. Being a virgin at 19 is not as rare as the media or people who talk about their sex lives make it seem.
On another note, I really don't think you should worry about being a virgin at your age. I recently ended up with a large group (around 30 odd) of [drunk] people talking about the age at which they lost their virginity. The ages varied from 15 to 24 (not counting myself, still a virgin at 25 and not planning on changing that any time soon), and the most common were between 17 and 21. Being a virgin at 19 is not as rare as the media or people who talk about their sex lives make it seem.
Woah, why don't we have a dislike button? I can't stand the word 'slut'. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, nor is there anything wrong with having sex with as many people as you want. Neither of these options is any better or worse than the other.
DarkLady
alien baby
My issue with being a "V" is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE ONE. Yet, no one is giving me any other option and thats upsetting.
DarkLady
alien baby
I do want to convince myself that the things I do alone count because I don't like believing that you need other people so much when other people just don't want people like us.
RidingDutchman
Well-Known Member
Admitted, wrong choice of words here.
What I meant to say is that it would be better to wait and stay a virgin for a long time as it would be to force yourself into doing things because you feel that society forces you to do them.
My apologies, as I said a wrong choice of words
DarkLady
alien baby
I tried dating sites but the people on there annoy me to no end. I just got into a fight with someone from their yesterday.
Ah I see, I certainly agree with that.
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