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On a quest to help understand a certain behavior..

DiannaMay1

New Member
Hello all, I am new to the forum and would like to introduce myself. My name is Dianna and I work with I/DD clients and also have a son on the spectrum. I am seeking some advice for one of my clients.
One of my clients has a habit of "giving " me things like toys and vhs tapes, random papers or any variety of "things" towards the end of my work shifts and I am unsure as to what the motivation there is. Does anyone on this forum have any experience with this sort of behavior? What do I need to understand?? Are there certain activities I may introduce to try to alter this habit at all?
 
I think this is just a simple way of saying "thank you for time/help". So long as boundaries are not being crossed, I don't know that there is any reason to alter the behaviour. You would probably get a far better answer if you just asked him directly, assuming he is verbal.
 
I think this is just a simple way of saying "thank you for time/help". So long as boundaries are not being crossed, I don't know that there is any reason to alter the behaviour. You would probably get a far better answer if you just asked him directly, assuming he is verbal.
Part of my confusion is because the client is mostly nonverbal..
 
Interesting question. I can only speculate however, especially not knowing the full situation and dynamics. But anyway if your repoire is good it may simply be tokens of appreciation, especially as he can not verbalize it. If there are stressful interactions between you frequently, it may be an attempt to reconcile. There may be something in your reaction that he craves, such as if you make a show of thanking him. In that sense he is maybe partially doing it for the positive reinforcement. But it seems quite benign in comparison to other things, unless he starts stealing from others to give to you for example. My wife is a Master special Ed teacher and behavial specialist and I know her kids have often given her things such as pictures they drew, but it seemed episodic and not all the time. She also gets spontaneous demonstrations of appreciation such as hugs, etc. My overall guess is I think your little boy has just latched onto something he likes doing (probably because he likes you) and possibly gives him satisfaction from positive reaction. While serial gift giving may not be common, latching onto any number of repetitive reinforcing behaviors certainly is.
 
Perhaps he's showing affection and regard for you, and trying to ensure you feel valued, trying to reward you, and ensure you will come back. Showing he is attached to you.
 
Welcome!

I know someone on the spectrum where the only way they expressing appreciation is to do or give things to others. It unfortunately sometimes causes conflict, like when they water flowers on a hot day by spraying water all over them thereby causing the plant to get burned by the evaporation, or when they give away something that didn't belong to them. One of their tendencies, is if you compliment something, they would often insist on giving it to you as a gift.
 
It's hard to say, it could be treasures, or like something for share and tell[ not for you to keep] it likely has relevant information or reference to a previous topic/question.

Like if you said " I want you to think about ________; this next week and we can talk about that next time." Then your " gifts" could be a part of a message or symbolic

Is there an important dialogue section or a phrase? Like a slogan or a theme?

Do you have the summoning bell on the front desk? It's like you ring it by slapping down on it, "ding!,"

I would get an AV cart setup for [vhs?] [Audio tape?] And a 20×17 poster board with a pad of paper and something to draw with that's big around

not felt pens they sound scratchy and smell really strong to hypersensitives.
That's not a constant

Let your client have the bell. When they ring the bell you pause the tape. Then take notes, or rewind it a bit and see if they ring in at the same time. It could be a message. A ceramic bowl and a stick would be better, softer sound.it may be an appeal for music, try the blues or drums like just drumming. Do they have a cheap tape player? They sell one now at Walmart that's under 20

It's hard to say if it means you are supposed to accept it and keep it[gift] or if client is treating you like a ten year old does his mom at the seashore " here hold this, there's more loot I have to go get"

Have you ever seen lumber crayons? They are really big. There is a holder for the crayon called a khiel (?sic) say " key_el". My point is you can get those from the art supply store and from " the golden violin" ( website for adaptive lifestyles, like sippy cups, walkers, things for disabled folk).


you may wish to ask here about
" adaptive grip, large, ergonomic for writing and art"

Some people don't like crayons,
( baby stuff , strong smell) but the colored pencils are too small around. You can wrap pens and pencils with foam rubber weather stripping tape, to make them bigger around, I like to wrap it with electrical tape on top of the foam. You can get electric tape in pretty colors. There is a sanding block thing you need for colored pencils it has a stack of sandpaper on a lil paddle thing about 5 inches overall length. The art supply place will have it.

There is this thing about the princess and the pea? It's from a fable. The princess is very sensitive. So if you tried the white board and failed, it could just be unaesthetic or threatening in appearance, or associated with something else. Clip board and a pen doesn't work? Try foam core with thick paper glued to it and all the edges wrapped with tape, like a frame.

Some type of writing drawing should appeal, if they will try it it might be the right one,

Thats so confusing! I'm so sorry.

A rejection of opportunity to write/draw may be due to the tools or material. You can buy fancy paper in bright colors at the craft store(origami, tissue, wrapping) and use spray glue on the window, and put the pretty paper up like imitation stained glass, but simpler more like Wright or ______. They may not let you do that at your work.It's fun to play with though, the light thru different colors is inspiring to me.

That's what I would do, give a gift back of art supply, and tools and a board to draw on. If she will use a white board( try a smaller one)? Or will work on the right bench( not a chair) on the right height table.

I would cut up some magazines too, for the pictures, it's fun doing collage and decoupage. Then a shoe box and keep the pictures and the pens/ pencils in the box that you decorate together???
I used to be pretty strange, it was from longterm isolation. My sense of value was different. Back then you could charm me with socks, snacks and new pens and paper, and books. Do you know if they can read yet?
 
These things are really fun to make, they might appeal. It's just calendar pages glued onto pizza boxes (use the purple glue stick, the spray glue makes it wrinkle). Someone at the office should have some put away, that she will give you, many people save them.
20210603_182405.jpg


This is about the right size for a slate/ drawing board the outer board is 20×16 that might be too big. My new cutting mat is 12×15, I wouldn't go smaller then that,

20210603_182927.jpg


Somewhere in there should be about right for size, if the paper is to big it's intimidating. I used to like getting those little pocket notebooks, there are different kinds, I like the perfect bound 3x5 that open like a book. Sometimes I still have trouble speaking, and for deaf ppl and stuff.

Do you know sign language? There are different kinds. Music really appeals to me. But not commercial stuff. Blues is a favorite, jazz is chaotic but fun, drumming is hypnotic, chants and when they sing the aria, Choirs and many others. I expect you will see a strong reaction to music in some form, play it softly at first. One of my all time favorites is called
" Hulls Angels" it's a children's band from a few years back, its ragtime jazz and instrumental. So if you played the tape yet? Is there music on it?
 
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Welcome

I hesitated to respond here since there are already great insights posted.

I think your client gives you things because they can. What I mean is, you listen to them, & they’re using the gifts to show you more of themselves.

Having their gift accepted is their contribution, their side of your conversation. They may also wish for more from you.

If I were you I’d try to find some way for them to also interact with other safe people in whatever environment works best for them.
 
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Welcome

I hesitated to respond here since there are already great insights posted.

I think your client gives you things because they can. What I mean is, you listen to them, & they’re using the gifts to show you more of themselves.

Having their gift accepted is their contribution, their side of your conversation. They may also wish for more from you.

If I were you I’d try to find some way for them to interact with other safe people in whatever environment works best for them.


That is a beautiful description of what I also believe is the situation.

It's like when I visit the family down the road.
The littlest children scout around in the house,
dredging up *treasures* for me, and they draw
pictures, and they offer flowers if there are any.

The oldest one shows me what he's been making
in Minecraft.
 
Being non-verbal makes knowing the intent more complicated, but, I have read articles about
giving things to people they like is their way of connecting, showing thanks and caring.
Words never came easy for me in expressing these things even to those close to me,
but, I have always enjoyed giving little gifts to people I like.

If I know their personality and their likes, I make it something small that I think they would like
to receive. It's my way of showing someone I like them and care. If they like the gift, it makes
me happy.
 
Welcome

I hesitated to respond here since there are already great insights posted.

I think your client gives you things because they can. What I mean is, you listen to them, & they’re using the gifts to show you more of themselves.

Having their gift accepted is their contribution, their side of your conversation. They may also wish for more from you.

If I were you I’d try to find some way for them to also interact with other safe people in whatever environment works best for them.
it seems to be the 18 month-2 year old part of the brain, how do I communicate response ,when will neurotypicals understand you can't alter us ,we'll be a heartbreakingly imitation neurotypical robot still not altered it doesn't happen, neurotypicals do the same with all other sentient beings ,dogs are wolves ,not little neurotypicals.
 
it seems to be the 18 month-2 year old part of the brain, how do I communicate response ,when will neurotypicals understand you can't alter us ,we'll be a heartbreakingly imitation neurotypical robot still not altered it doesn't happen, neurotypicals do the same with all other sentient beings ,dogs are wolves ,not little neurotypicals.

Yes I agree it's a worry to be thinking of it as a 'habit', and how to 'alter' this. Developmental paths or communication progressions do not proceed through 'altering' the communication of one of the participants, they proceed through mutual understanding. I would say, thank you, this is nice paper! Where shall we put it until tomorrow? - I am here again tomorrow... or such. And look for their response, or try giving them a pen or other reciprocal item. Communication grows through back and forth attempts at mutual understanding.
 
Allow freedom of their choice, and the validity of their natural communication?
The policy & goals of the OP’s workplace might be the management of behaviours of its clients?
I would like to think the well-being of the clients is first and foremost but we don’t know for sure.
 
it seems to be the 18 month-2 year old part of the brain, how do I communicate response ,when will neurotypicals understand you can't alter us ,we'll be a heartbreakingly imitation neurotypical robot still not altered it doesn't happen, neurotypicals do the same with all other sentient beings ,dogs are wolves ,not little neurotypicals.
I was going to say, I have seen toddlers that like to do this. They will hand you something and wait for a response. But it's just a phase, that eventually gives way to something else. I think of it as trying out an interpersonal behavior.
 
I was going to say, I have seen toddlers that like to do this. They will hand you something and wait for a response. But it's just a phase, that eventually gives way to something else. I think of it as trying out an interpersonal behavior.
There's no good or bad about what you said ,I'm very autistic so to me I find it hard to say anything about another post ,it's life ,what I've experienced isn't all .I think our communication is just another form of sentient beings communication ,like a bower bird decorating the courtship area with a certain colour ,it doesn't mean this bird is less superior then another bird it's just one form of life.
 

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