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On again off again

watersprite

watersprite

lost
V.I.P Member
People reach out for contact with others when they need something from them. That’s logical. It seems to me to be a kind of small, unspoken contract.
What I don’t understand is why it’s always a contract ‘written’ in their favor. Some even get snarky or patronizing if the attention is not 100% on them.
This is not all that important since I am basically a hermit. The lack of fairness, of balance just comes to the forefront once in a while.
 
Er, well I get where you're coming from, but you've kind of missed out the potential benefits of friendship here, like companionship, fun, mutual support and validation. These can happen for us as well as for NTs. But it sounds like you aren't experiencing things like that?
 
It's lack of using them back that makes one feel exploited. I'm just not that good at exploiting people, so I end up feeling like I gave, but got nothing. Maybe see it as a contract, after all it is, be sure of what you want from them and see that you get it.
 
watersprite said:
People reach out for contact with others when they need something from them. That’s logical. It seems to me to be a kind of small, unspoken contract.
What I don’t understand is why it’s always a contract ‘written’ in their favor. Some even get snarky or patronizing if the attention is not 100% on them.
This is not all that important since I am basically a hermit. The lack of fairbess, of balance just comes to the forefront once in a while.
Click to expand...
What if you give more than you get, always. Let the Light of Love Bloom in Your Heart. May I please see some more of your art? Will you sing in the storm, again? Did you give to the wrong adorable miscreant again? Have you been kissing any butterflies at all? Are there any flowers? Is there anyone you could send a beautiful new hand made card too? Did you know you are well regarded here?
 
I think that the op speaks of relationships as transactions. There is a fancy talk name for that. The truth is that......the truth is that....I think it might kinda be all right again.....well I dont know....but I kinda think so...
Well Maybe I Guess.....
 
It's a new happy song
To cheer you up

The bridge is
Tell what she said and then
I can tell you what she meant,
About what she had said...

It's kinda bumbly still, the two go together
 
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@watersprite I think that true friendship is actually uncommon. Lots of people claim friendships but few seem to understand what a friendship is.

That really just reflects the emotional imaturity.. There will always be a segment of any given population that simply does not know how to get what they want without manipulation or coersion. They aren't stupid, they simply were never taught the skills they needed to survive.
 
It’s like @unperson said.
I’m not in a sad way about it.
These are people who I know only virtually, so they’re on the periphery anyhow.
Luckily there are people, in real life, in my life who aren’t like that. Am not entirely a hermit. :)

@Skittlebisquit instead of here, (which is a mirror of my op in a way, isn’t it) I’m gonna put artwork at my website when it’s done & up. And at a little gallery in the nearby city.
 
We are all self serving indiviudals.
I learned a long time ago to take care of my own needs because there were very few over the course of my life that could meet them. There is little that I can't provide for myself. That makes me very independent. I have been told I am too independent. It upsets the balance of power in relationships which tend to be co-dependent in nature.
People come into my life to get their needs met and I am willing to do that to a certain extent but they are gone when they abuse the privilege or repeatedly take advantage.
Yes, I have had people become very angry when I have stopped allowing that to happen. It is as if I "owe" them what they need and get from me. Nope.
 
@Martha Ferris I need to read about tthe psycbology around the self-serving nature specifically if/how poor parenting might damage its strength.

I have made the error of giving the benefit of the doubt to people for their ability to respect me and to have their own self confidence enough to allow for my outlook’s validity.

It seemed to be a necessity for my former partner’s self esteem to make repeated attempts at destroying my independence and he almost succeeded.

I raised 2 kiddos on my own and they’re both doing very well. Despite ‘everyone’ telliing me it can’t be done by a single parent; with independence and some positive self control it most certainly can be done.
 
I have gotten pretty good at being an acquaintance.

In nearly 70-years, I have never had a friend, but I have made lots of enemies. I have done so much "social problem-solving" but each one failed.

I just lost another job and am trying to figure out what I did wrong. I am not in a good place so I will just slither under a rock someplace. I think I should just give up trying, lock the doors, and pull the shades.
 
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