On Christmas and Family

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I've seen a lot of posts and comments about how people wish that the holidays would go away, or that they don't want to spend time with their families. I am just as guilty of that as anyone else.

But you know, I was thinking. You only get one family. And each person only is awarded so many hearbeats in a lifetime. Keep in touch, even if they make you angry.

I know self care is important. I know boundaries are important. But it's one day (okay, it's two if you count Christmas Eve). But still- often amends made on Christmas can bring people together again.

In my house, since time immemorial, the men of the family always get at each other's throats on Christmas. But I don't think it means much, because even though there's a big scene and one guy always storms out the door with a big dramatic slam- later, they're eating pie together, and watching movies.

Maybe the dysfunctional families are the normal ones that everyone has, and our purpose in life is to constantly mend the fractures that were caused by opposing wills. And getting together on Christmas is one way it's done.

 

[Bolletje]

Every year at Christmas it’s anyone’s guess to see if me and my sister will make it through dinner without snarling at each other. It’s not that we don’t like each other, it’s just that we’re polar opposites in many things, and sitting at the table at our parents’ house makes us revert to two bickering teenagers again. She’ll push my buttons until I snap at her, then my mom reminds me I’m the oldest and should know better (does that really still apply when both kids are in their late thirties?)

That being said, I always enjoy the Christmas dinner, even if it’s a stressful affair that leaves me overstimulated and in need of recovery for a few days. I love having my family together. I love that when my mom and grandmother get drunk (which is fairly easy these days) they start singing songs from way back. My grandfather died two years ago, sadly, but he would have this magical transformation once a year on Christmas, going from grumpy, quiet man to a showman singing old sailing songs and reciting poetry.

Having worked at the ER I can confirm it’s a stressful time for most families, leading to many an alcohol-marinated hospital visit. I’ve tended to stabbings, broken bones, accidental self-inflicted gunshot wounds, and on the less funny side, a lot of overdoses. But at Christmas, the chance of patients arriving at the ER covered in glitter is much higher than on an average day, so that’s very festive! I actually had a patient puking glitter once, and is that just not the most Christmasy thing ever?

 

[s3_gunzel]

You only get one family.

Oh it's this chestnut. Yeah, just because I get one family doesn't immediately make me want to spend time with them.

I know self care is important. I know boundaries are important. But it's one day (okay, it's two if you count Christmas Eve). But still- often amends made on Christmas can bring people together again.

Why on earth should I make the effort to see the family on one day a year if they can't be arsed coming round to see me any other time of the year?

Edit: Because OP replied and then deleted their reply and I still got the email, I do not mean abusive families, I mean absent families - two similar and yet very different concepts. They can be the nicest people in the world and still ignore you for fifty-one weeks of the year.

I'm not trying to be intentionally cruel or abrasive here, I've just heard this argument more than once, and it is a poor argument.