On Stims and Singing Outbursts

[Neia]

I only learnt about stims (the word that defines them) a couple of weeks ago.

Since then I've been paying attention to things I thought were just quirks of mine.

I've always wiggled my fingers and toes if I have to focus on something or if I'm in a stressful situation like walking down the road.

I also have always rubbed the knuckles of my thumbs with my index fingers.
This happens, rather than wiggling my fingers, if I'm also holding something like the strap of my backpack.

I play with the seams of clothing and bed linen if I'm in bed, or with button holes. Stick the tip of my thumb in the button hole and rotate it to feel the roundness.
Also do that with a crochet table cover stick my left thumb, has to be tge left thumb, and play with the space in the stitches as if they were a button hole.

I sort of flap my feet when I'm trying to fall asleep. My hands will be firmly grabbing the linen sheet, and my feet will start flapping, one at a time, until I fall asleep.
The feeling of the linen on my feet is good

I pace back and forth when I'm at the bus stop or train station waiting for the bus or train. Or... if I am sitting down, my eyes will immediately start looking for patterns on the ground, or anywhere else till I find one. It has to be a 3×3 pattern too, others just don't feel right. And my fingers will be going all the time as well.

Waiting in a line I'll be humming very quietly as not to disturb others, and after a while will start "dancing", balancing side to side from one foot to the other, but discreetly... I think

And the most embarrassing one of all

When I'm really stressed, on the verge of tears, I'll start doing the suckling motion with my tongue as if I had a pacifier.

I don't flap my hands, don't know if I ever did. I only rock my body back and forth when I'm close to a tantrum or in excruciating pain.

Then there are the singing outbursts.

When I was little I'd burst out singing. If I was at home it was OK, but in public my mom would tell me to stop. I'd stop for an instant and then start again. She'd be embarrassed and upset because I was disturbing people.

I still burst out singing in public sometimes but I've learnt to do it quietly, choking out my voice so people won't hear me. Destroyed my vocal cords in theprocess, but

Oh... and I also play the silent piano in the bus, if I have a song playing in my head my fingers won't stop.
But I always thought this is something everyone else does.

And I've discovered that playing the same song, on your player of choice, over and over and over and over, might also be a stim.

These are stims. Right?

 

[AuroraBorealis]

To assess whether these are stims in the "autistic sense", it's less important what they are, but why you do them. Autistic people stim to self-soothe, to relieve stress and tension and to let out emotions, both negative and positive ones. And they do it in a more intense, repetitive way than non-autistic people.
People, autists and non-autists alike, might do all these things because they have a lot of pent-up energy and can't sit or lie still. In those cases, I wouldn't call them stims.

What you describe all sounds very typical. I would consider how you feel when you suppress these things - do you feel anxious, stressed, is it even painful, does it take a lot of effort? Do you instinctively do those things when you're upset or stressed and do they help you to self-regulate your emotional response? If yes, then they're likely to be autistic stimming.

Stimming can take many different forms. For example, I fidget a LOT with my hands, and sometimes I do it to focus better, sometimes to release nervous energy, and often I do it to self-soothe in stressful situations. It's probably more a habit than a stim in the technical sense in some situations. In others, it's quite clearly autistic stimming - it gets then more intense, more repetitive, and more uncomfortable for me to suppress it.
Something else than soothes me a lot is listening to familiar songs. Sometimes on repeat, sometimes not. But they have to be familiar. I consider it stimming because it soothes my brain and makes me a lot calmer in anxiety-inducing situations.
I also start singing or humming when I get stressed. When I'm in a good mood, I can start singing or humming voluntarily and then it's not a stim. But if I start automatically because I'm stressed, I consider it a stim.

 

[Neia]

There's a song I sing when I suffer a loss. It'll just come and I'll start singing it before I think about it.
Others that I'll humm or play on repeat also help me sooth when I'm in distress or to help me work.

At work I have a podcast playlist that I like playing so I'll hear it on repeat, it helps me with my panic attacks, to avoid them. I know those episodes by heart, but listening to them feels good.

Going to the bus stop is a trigger to me because I know people like to chit-chat and that is horrible to me, I just want to be left alone, but don't want to offend others. So I'll be stressed while walking there, and my fingers will get going.
I'm also anticipating the horribleness of having to get in the bus, with all the smells, the noise, the rudeness of people playing their horrid music so loud I can feel it in my bones.

At night I have trouble falling asleep. I usually play my favourite podcast playlist to drown out my constant stream of thoughts where I replay the dday's vents over and over in my head, and also try to anticipate what will happen the next day and rehearse what might happen again and again.
I need the sound of voices, not music, voices playing in the background. But they have to be clean. No 4 letter words, no blasphemy. So I play my pastor's podcast. It's safe and funny and helps me because I know what is going to be said next. He and his son are hilarious together.

I "flap" my feet in bed while I'm trying to fall asleep. I had never paid attention to this before. But now when it starts happening I think "oh... there they go again". It's like I'm swimming? I don't know how to describe it other than flap. They'll be going until I fall asleep.

And then there's the suckling that starts unannounced and is very embarrassing. When I'm really, really upset, almost crying, it just happens. And as soon as I notice it I try to stop. But it comes back again and I've learnt to cover my face when this happens and I'm somewhere with other people around.

The rubbing of my knuckles also happens when I'm trying to focus, when I'm writing something or trying to think. And when I have to be outside, going somewhere I don't want to go. Like to a doctor's appointment. I'll be doing it in the doctor's office while I talk to them as well.

Oi vey... this is a long list. Sorry.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I twirl. When I was younger I'd twirl and twirl and twirl til I was very dizzy.

I sing out to animals and talk to them like close friends.

If something is a sensory ick, I might flap my hands and wiggle my body.

I talk in a whisper, to myself, or to God, about my ideas, wishes, hopes, and prayers.

If life is scary, I imagine myself somewhere else or something or someone else.

I weave, crochet, sew, draw, paint, color, etc.

I play with my double jointed legs and feet.

I lay in a dark room and stare at the wall.

I run away from home and go to secret places, but come home in time for dinner.

I have the ability to think up a song I like and get it stuck in my head. I always seem to have a song in my heart. Every emotion, every drive, every thought, every impulse seems to bring a song to mind.

 

[Neia]

I twirl. When I was younger I'd twirl and twirl and twirl til I was very dizzy.

I sing out to animals and talk to them like close friends.

If something is a sensory ick, I might flap my hands and wiggle my body.

I talk in a whisper, to myself, or to God, about my ideas, wishes, hopes, and prayers.

If life is scary, I imagine myself somewhere else or something or someone else.

I weave, crochet, sew, draw, paint, color, etc.

I play with my double jointed legs and feet.

I lay in a dark room and stare at the wall.

I run away from home and go to secret places, but come home in time for dinner.

I have the ability to think up a song I like and get it stuck in my head. I always seem to have a song in my heart. Every emotion, every drive, every thought, every impulse seems to bring a song to mind.

When I was little I'd twirl till I fell, I think I stopped doing that around the time I got my tonsils taken out. Don't remember why.
And I run away home, to the safety of my bedroom even when alone.

I always cross my toes and wiggle them.

I don't weave, but I do crochet, sewing, draw, paint, write...

I play pc games in the dark. Have a backlit keyboard.
I also write in the dark. Backlit keyboards are awesome!

I always sing or whistle when stressed and if my hands are busy. One of my former bosses called me her "frühlingsvogel" Spring Bird

 

[jsilver256]

I flap my hands all the time subconsciously. Is that a stim? (/sarc)

 

[Neia]

I flap my hands all the time subconsciously. Is that a stim? (/sarc)

I always just thought that the things I did were quirky and embarrassing.

 

[Peter Morrison]

It seems that you don't like your stims because they are unusual. I doubt that any person within the ASD community would find your stems weird. None of them are hurtful to you or anyone else around you. Many stims are a bit quirky, but they are a way for you to respond to something unsettling. No need for embarrassment. I'm just one of those people who stims. I've never been arrested for it.

 

[Neia]

It seems that you don't like your stims because they are unusual. I doubt that any person within the ASD community would find your stems weird. None of them are hurtful to you or anyone else around you. Many stims are a bit quirky, but they are a way for you to respond to something unsettling. No need for embarrassment. I'm just one of those people who stims. I've never been arrested for it.

I'm only now learning to accept what is normal for me, after my whole life trying very hard to not stand out and be "normal" like everyone else.

 

[Rodafina]

@Neia

The stims to really be aware of are called harmful stims and those involve things like headbanging, hitting, skin picking, and scratching.

Benign stims are important, usually automatic, and can be impossible to repress. Sometimes, we can channel them by having fidget toys available.

Some ways to manage harmful stims include learning about the cause of them, working on reducing anxiety, engaging in physical exercise, and finding healthy outlets to vent unpleasant feelings.

Stims are a common topic for discussion here. Very common among us and perfectly acceptable unless they hurt someone.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/hand-flapping.42051/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/advice-on-a-harmful-stim.41564/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/stimming-at-work.37834/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/fidget-toy-recommendations-things-to-stim-with.38375/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/new-stims.47107/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/stimming-worsened.47790/

 

[Neia]

I do scratching, but never hard enough to leave marks on my legs. I only scratch my legs.

Usually do it when talking on the phone. Don't know why. Other than I don't like talking on the phone.

Always thought of that just as something that feels good. Sort of distracts me.

Could yawning be a stim? When I'm chatting with an aunt, I will start yawning and won't be able to stop until we hang up. I don't enjoy chatting with her.

 

[Neia]

@Neia

The stims to really be aware of are called harmful stims and those involve things like headbanging, hitting, skin picking, and scratching.

Benign stims are important, usually automatic, and can be impossible to repress. Sometimes, we can channel them by having fidget toys available.

Some ways to manage harmful stims include learning about the cause of them, working on reducing anxiety, engaging in physical exercise, and finding healthy outlets to vent unpleasant feelings.

Stims are a common topic for discussion here. Very common among us and perfectly acceptable unless they hurt someone.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/hand-flapping.42051/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/advice-on-a-harmful-stim.41564/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/stimming-at-work.37834/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/fidget-toy-recommendations-things-to-stim-with.38375/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/new-stims.47107/
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/stimming-worsened.47790/

Thank you so much

 

[Rodafina]

My hands seem to want to conduct an orchestra tonight.
Okay, hands, have at it. Can't stop ya.