Only Friend has been Ghosting Me, Feeling Disillusioned

[LunaLoveless]

I am feeling quite depressed and quietly, resignedly hopeless. For the first time in a few years, or more.
The only friend I have has been ghosting me for about a month, not responding to texts. Unless she's dead, really ill, or some similar reason, I think I'm going to have to cut her loose, assuming that she does later bother to contact me. Which she could. She has shown some tendency to interact with me on the basis of my being less than her/at times a bit of a runner up option.
...I am so sick to death of being treated as defective or inferior by others. ...Really. ...I feel strongly that I deserve much better than this, and I'm so tired of being seen in the worst possible light....I may be a bit 'half glass full' with this.. but I guess that's the feeling I get when I've had a lot of experiences of being regarded as a lesser option friend wise ...and then my only "true" friend disappears for a month... . So sick to death of how narrow minded and judgmental too many people are. ...Even if that is simply a percentage.. it still amounts to too few people being actually kind hearted.
...I hate to say this on line but I am thinking about not wanting to bother with life anymore. Wondering sincerely whether the world is even worth bothering with. I feel so let down. I have long, long, long term unemployment (and otherwise under employment). Caused almost solely by bullying I've dealt with from narcissistic personalities, who zero in on and target me and weak bosses who did nothing to stop it (I believe their "no bullying policy" just being a shameful strategy to back themselves up legally, ironically making it easier for them to do nothing in reality).
....I have been the easy prey of bully after bully... I've left workplace after workplace, even once a student place. Just when I recover from one and whatever vulnerability they targeted, I get another attacking even if it's just because my self esteem has become so badly damaged and they sense this and target it.
...I am now middle aged and I'm dispirited. I have no savings either ....Now the only friend I have is ignoring me... My family have never been much support, and frequently have made things harder for me sometimes a lot harder. ...Now it seems that I have nobody who understands and values me as a person. ...Even my mother appears to regard me as something 'pathetic'... she demonstrated this to me this way a few days ago, with a telling few words and a gesture, when I dared to speak to her like an equal. What a great message to get sent.
...I wish I could die and only ever incarnate if its somewhere in the universe where beings cared more about others and accepted differences instead of being so quick to judge and attack, and be so inclined to prey on others. ...I just feel like saying a big "[verb deleted] YOU" to humanity as a whole.
...Save a relatively small percentage of you: THANKS FOR NOTHING.

 

[Raggamuffin]

If she's not replying to texts, have you tried to call her? Bullying is hard to overcome. Once it happens several times, it can be hard to shut down obsessive thoughts. It's such a damaging thing to be on the receiving end of.

Would you perhaps consider voluntary work to tide you over? Something to break up the routine of being unemployed?

Another thought is care work. Might seem counter-productive to someone who is struggling with their own mental health, but helping others can be healing in of itself. Care jobs tend to be something most people can enter without qualifications, and if you enjoy it you can always ask to be trained up to get better qualifications and work your way up.

Not only is helping others a good thing to do, but when you come from a place of personal suffering, it can be invaluable knowledge that can help others. You might not think it, but your struggles and what you live with may well inspire others who are in the same boat.

At the end of the day, nobody can decide for you on what you should do with your life. I would say to look to your beliefs though. As beliefs are what shape your reality. As such, if you live day in day out assuming the world is full of bullies, or that you're alone and ignored etc. then that is how reality will play out. Changing beliefs is no small feat, but you can take steps to work towards meaningful change.

When I'm really low I try and get outside more. Being in nature helps me. Beautiful views, seeing animals and such like. Fresh air and sunshine is also good for you. Being near open bodies of water too. Just going for a walk each day is a nice way to clear your head. I try and do this daily - to get away from people and noise and ground myself in nature.

Depression is very draining though. I too have suffered from it for a long time and regularly have suicidal ideation. Just remember that you have a lot of inner strength in not giving up. A simple change of scenary can help prevent the escalation of negative thoughts.

All the best.

Ed

 

[Jordy]

Never give this much control over your emotions to one person. Always try to make more friends so you aren't dependent on only a couple ones. If she ever contacts you again put her in her place, don't think things will get back the way they where. She will keep dropping and picking you up again and again if you let her.

...I hate to say this on line but I am thinking about not wanting to bother with life anymore. Wondering sincerely whether the world is even worth bothering with. I feel so let down.

I totally get it, nothing wrong with thinking like that when you go trough what many of us experience.

I have long, long, long term unemployment (and otherwise under employment). Caused almost solely by bullying I've dealt with from narcissistic personalities, who zero in on and target me and weak bosses who did nothing to stop it (I believe their "no bullying policy" just being a shameful strategy to back themselves up legally, ironically making it easier for them to do nothing in reality).

If i where you i would try to find a way to make some money on your own, i wouldn't get back into employment either, it's not worth it, unless you would want people to do even more damage to you.

 

[Aspychata]

Hey. Sorry to hear this. Jobs are more in demand then ever. So this increases your chance of getting bullied unless you are in with clique that works with you. I done fine in jobs until a manager changes, and some punk gets hired. Lol. I did great with older bosses. No problems at all. My best bosses are ones on the spectrum. We get along great. They seem to pick up on it that l am similar.

Friends is a dicy word. Some people stay friends, some friends change and no longer friends. Nobody's fault. It's a free world to make choices in. Please don't beat yourself up.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I am sorry. That is so sad.

I lost nearly every friend I had when I became a Christian. Some relatives even stopped talking to me. It was a few years ago, but I'm still not over the pain of it deep in my heart.

I hope you find someone to talk to. Maybe a friend on the forums? I know what loneliness feels like for sure.

 

[VictorR]

Thanks for having the courage to post. I hope you're able to find support in a way that works for you.

 

[LunaLoveless]

Hello,
Thank you for your replies. I have taken something good from all of them.
As far as work: I have decided to steer clear of working with people. At least for the next year or two. Recent feelings seem to have shown me that I am just not in a state of mind to risk this, given too much negative past experience. ...I plan on securing work either in delivery or courier areas. Here I can at least be assured of being able to work alone and not in a team, most of the time at least.
As far as my ghosting friend goes... this is tougher, really. Normally she was who I would go to when I needed encouragement and support. ...I will try to remember other supportive people, even if they are not currently in my life at least I can believe they still support me from afar. ...With my 'friend', this is actually not so easy to feel: if she had wanted to move on, as a poster above suggested that is a fact of life (and this is true, it is) then to totally ignore 4 or 5 text messages over the span of a month, is cold. It isn't distancing oneself; and we had been communicating freely and pretty regularly up till then. So this is more of a sudden cut off rather than a slower, more natural distancing.
That's why it feels more "userish" and disrespectful. Very disappointing.

I will put her aside. And focus on trying to find new people, who are like some of the few I had been genuine friends with in the past. People who I felt really accepted me as I was. A rare thing, but it changes everything for me. ...And I have plans to move and live near more nature as this is like a 'friend' for me. I would like to get better physical separation and financial independence from my family. I find that not having better distance from them effects me negatively; as I simply do not subscribe to their views on me and my life and values. And having too few people who value me as I am and understand who I really am is hard enough, without people who indirectly reject you, even unintentionally, because they have a prejudiced view or self serving agenda. ...All too hard. ...No wonder I often feel less alone and more loved when I am away from people.

One good thing about this Covid crisis is the rise of online at home jobs. I do have plans to also train and develop skills so that I can do this sort of work also or in place of delivery jobs.

Thank you to all who listened and offered advice. Hearing your different opinions has helped me figure things out and I am grateful. ...Grateful to have people to talk to even when I don't technically have people to 'talk' to.

 

[Sarah S]

Luna if i had a dollar for every time ive been left behind from what i thought was reel friends & those who really care i would be milonere (which im not) but that don't make me hate them or stopp opening to others nor does it make me just giving up on people in general. & Most definitely NOT (and i am actually diagnosed with SEVERE suicidal) thinking of taking that final step.

Of course, i understand and agree that it feels like a dagger is put right in your heart & twisted while still thrue your heart. But just because this friend hasn't returned to you this month DONT have to mean that your friend is ghosting you. it could be many different reasons that you haven't yet heard from your friend so my advice is don't leave your friend keep the door open so that your friend can return. And also, don't bombard your friend with more messanges at this time, hold on and wait to see if indeed your friend someday get back to you and perhaps even explain why said friend hasn't been able to get back for a while. i have and still have what i still think as reel friends that really care about me going of the grid for many month`s for whatever reasons to then return when they can or have the time.

What im trying to say here is this something we must try to respect and accept with our friends that just because we are close don't mean we have to keep being in touch every day. A lesson that i had to learn to accept for many years myself from just as you from the faulty conclusion that im dumped which in many cases was not the case but of course in other i was & i have to had to accept that this was the case and lick my wounds and move on.

 

[Slim Jim]

Friends help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. That's what a friend is to me.