I woke up thinking really hard...(not something new)... and I'm still stuck on it...
Picture (if you can) this set point, our life goal, our reason for being- (what ever you wish to call it)... It has no form... I'm not trying to call it an angel, or God, or anything like that.
It is standing at some point, some place, some region, inside us and outside us, at the very same time... Maybe its our intuition??? Maybe its something else, like an ability to see and think in what nearly seems to be a different dimension, yet still in the one all around us.
I think on this a lot... So when I find myself off in the bushes, in turmoil, headed down that path towards depression, anxiety, or a shutdown - its like this small signal goes off in me that tells me "I'm going the wrong direction."
Its not words, its more like a mental compass, or a mental magnet that moves within me...
I used to never listen to it, but overtime I found it was always there to help me, not to harm me. I never know "where" it is, but know which way to mentally focus on it.
Soooo... I was abruptly woken up last night shortly after going to sleep. A slew of people were coming in making a mass of noise after going to a family event... I instantly heard lots of griping and swearing... Of course one of these people came and woke me up to pour me off into their nightmare...
This "set point" instantly engaged in me, telling me to disengage... I ended my part of that conversation in a very fast fashion, and did so even though this person was terribly upset with me for not caring...
I instantly felt relief. It was not for me, was not about me, or in anyway related to something I needed to be shoving my nose, my emotions, or my words into...
This person stormed off after calling me and A** hole... and I basically went back to sleep.
This morning they are still ranting over this situation... Its ridiculous. Its pointless. There isn't even and answer I would know to give. They are upset because someone isn't acting how they feel he needs to act... Basic NT demand, to fit "their" status quo.
So somewhere deep within me, I feel very grateful that I am not wasting my life spinning in that cesspool of useless thought and words.
It just sort of hit me... Is this a big part of what ASD is?
We are often overwhelmed by what people see as normal life...
We don't know how to focus on what others demand we focus on...
We often try to do this, and get more lost than we were to begin with...
I want to feel bad, but I simply don't. I have this house full of people who are as upset with me, as they are with this other guy (my cousin)... Why?
And to wonder why we mentally go off, and not want to interact with humanity.
However, I have to question my own actions... Am I being right in doing this?
Or am I making things worse?
I found an inner peace over it, but outwardly I'm not real comfortable with it, so I'm headed out for a while and they should all be gone home by the time I get back... Family... grrr, but I Gotta find some way to love them anyway.
Just asking for advice... and always feel free to throw situations in that could answer your questions also.
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