Over explaining what I said

[Lunt]

I often over explaining what I said, because I want to express exactly what I want to say, and I don't want to cause misunderstandings. But sometimes I feel bad after doing that, I don't know what emotion it is, I fell it's complicated.

I say my opinion, and then my analysis. Because people think differently, I'm likely to find something in the analysis I speak that I think might have caused a misunderstanding, and then I start to explain. In the process of explaining, I sometimes connect with other things to achieve a better understanding, and then I realize that I need to explain this "other thing", because this is what I proposed suddenly, if it is not explained clearly, the logical chain will be lost, and it may still cause misunderstandings. After this, I think I need to explain why I said a bunch of things, because generally people don't. Finally, I have said all I wanted to say, and I believe I have made it so clear that it is difficult to cause any misunderstanding. After reading a large article I posted, I began to feel bad, “Maybe I'm annoying, maybe they don't want to hear what I'm saying. Nobody talks a whole bunch of words to explain what's on their mind. Am I acting weird? Will their opinion of me affect their opinion of my opinion? I hope not, because it is not a good thing to let personal subjective feelings influence rationality, but maybe I should not say more..."

This has happened so many times, I send a long paragraph to explain and then I feel bad, and I don't know what the felling is. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm worried that I didn't express my point accurately and other people didn't get it right, but I don't understand why it makes me feel bad.

I can keep silent, but I want to give my opinion, and sometimes I think my method is better. I don't know if that's a good thing: I feel like this way of explaining it is almost part of who I am.

Besides that, it's hard for me to get their reactions from people to judge whether it's the right thing to do, because several times the responses I get are either silent or ambiguous. People who are close to me will give a clear answer, but this is a minority.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you feel bad about it, or how do you feel about it? Do I need to change this expression? Or how can I do it better?

Thanks a lot if you can give me some advice, or just share a similar experience.

 

[annO]

I cannot give you advice but I can say that I don't feel badly like I've done something wrong in over explaining but I feel exhausted and small after I've done it and I can't interact with people for a while if it's an emotional topic. Over explaining is only beneficially effective and feels good in my therapist's office.

 

[Shamar]

I myself tend to over explain, but I bow to the master. Did you realize you posted a thread over explaining how and why you over explain? It is things like this makes us such a great community yet retain our individuality. I love it!

 

[Rodafina]

It’s fun to over explain with an invested audience, but frustrating with those who don’t have the time or inclination to listen.

I take it in the opposite direction and try to use as few words as possible these days.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I often over explaining what I said, because I want to express exactly what I want to say, and I don't want to cause misunderstandings. But sometimes I feel bad after doing that, I don't know what emotion it is, I fell it's complicated.

I say my opinion, and then my analysis. Because people think differently, I'm likely to find something in the analysis I speak that I think might have caused a misunderstanding, and then I start to explain. In the process of explaining, I sometimes connect with other things to achieve a better understanding, and then I realize that I need to explain this "other thing", because this is what I proposed suddenly, if it is not explained clearly, the logical chain will be lost, and it may still cause misunderstandings. After this, I think I need to explain why I said a bunch of things, because generally people don't. Finally, I have said all I wanted to say, and I believe I have made it so clear that it is difficult to cause any misunderstanding. After reading a large article I posted, I began to feel bad, “Maybe I'm annoying, maybe they don't want to hear what I'm saying. Nobody talks a whole bunch of words to explain what's on their mind. Am I acting weird? Will their opinion of me affect their opinion of my opinion? I hope not, because it is not a good thing to let personal subjective feelings influence rationality, but maybe I should not say more..."

This has happened so many times, I send a long paragraph to explain and then I feel bad, and I don't know what the felling is. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm worried that I didn't express my point accurately and other people didn't get it right, but I don't understand why it makes me feel bad.

I can keep silent, but I want to give my opinion, and sometimes I think my method is better. I don't know if that's a good thing: I feel like this way of explaining it is almost part of who I am.

Besides that, it's hard for me to get their reactions from people to judge whether it's the right thing to do, because several times the responses I get are either silent or ambiguous. People who are close to me will give a clear answer, but this is a minority.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you feel bad about it, or how do you feel about it? Do I need to change this expression? Or how can I do it better?

Thanks a lot if you can give me some advice, or just share a similar experience.

Just try to be yourself.
People misunderstand autistics and everything they think and feel which can be worse when you are traumatised.
People do not always understand and may feel different.
People often are stubborn and insolent.
And autistics cannot bend their minds phew in some areas they can, neurotypicals also have problems with this
And if you cannot bend your mind in some areas then people think you can and because you are ihtellligent you'll be able to understand them easily
And her I have found some neurotypicals to be as stubborn and set in their beliefs as hell.

 

[annO]

I take it in the opposite direction and try to use as few words as possible these days.

I do that with strangers and acquaintances these days but people I see regularly still get the word vomit version of me.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I speak less and less.

 

[Lunt]

Just try to be yourself.
People misunderstand autistics and everything they think and feel which can be worse when you are traumatised.
People do not always understand and may feel different.
People often are stubborn and insolent.
And autistics cannot bend their minds phew in some areas they can, neurotypicals also have problems with this
And if you cannot bend your mind in some areas then people think you can and because you are ihtellligent you'll be able to understand them easily
And her I have found some neurotypicals to be as stubborn and set in their beliefs as hell.

Thanks for you advice, it's helpful.

I just realized that one of the reasons I feel bad might be because I think I don't fit in.

My mother is an outgoing and social person. When I was very young, she often emphasized to me the importance of socializing, and expressed to me her pity for the socially incompetent.

Here's a classic example of my social frustration: When I was eight, we moved, to a place with a lot of kids, and before that I was home alone all day except for school. After the move, she told me she wanted me to get along well with the kids here, and I wanted friends too. My neighbor was a very popular kid, she was 12 years old, I went to play with her, she said she wanted to play a game of king and servant, if I would play the servant and kneel down and hand her fruit, we could be friends, so I did. But when my mother found out about it, she called me an idiot and told me that the kid was just having fun humiliating me. Then I realized that maybe that kid didn't really want to be friends with me, and I was ashamed and sad because of it.

I've realized it's not my fault, and I don't need to fight so hard to fit in with people. I thought I'd solved a problem like this years ago, but I guess it's still affecting me, I still struggle with the fear that I don't fit in.

 

[Lunt]

I myself tend to over explain, but I bow to the master. Did you realize you posted a thread over explaining how and why you over explain? It is things like this makes us such a great community yet retain our individuality. I love it!

Yeah, I'm so glad I found this community.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I myself tend to over explain, but I bow to the master. Did you realize you posted a thread over explaining how and why you over explain? It is things like this makes us such a great community yet retain our individuality. I love it!

Yes you always have to over explain everything because no one gets it.
And it just becomes exhausting, a form of masking rather than being yourself

 

[SusanLR]

Always overexplaining.
The feeling is I just want the information to be accurate and know others understand what I've said.

It isn't always appreciated and a few times I've been told off.
Once someone got angry and said I just couldn't let it go.
I said not if the meaning was coming across inaccurately.
Reply was: "Someday you'll know what inaccurate IS!"
Didn't understand that statement at all, but dropped the subject as it made the other person angry.

Others have asked why I have to go all around the world to explain something when only a few words would suffice.
I'd rather others would explain more also, rather than using only a couple words that leave me guessing what they mean.

Another said I always have to be right.
No. But if I am I state why with facts.

So, yeah, they can be rude to over explaining.

 

[Storm Hess]

Why should you feel bad for being who you are? The people that you are close to are the ones that matter. Arguments with anyone else, doesn't matter. Let those be experience markers on this journey.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink.