This one intertwines with other sub-stories of my life experience, I find it easier to touch on each subject independently Rather than jumble it all together. I must warn you all that this is a very sensitive subject and I lost a Sister in part because of this. I’m not looking for sympathy but I am looking to hopefully help those who also went through what I endured perhaps find a way to get through their nightmares and not hide the scars.
I was both lucky and unfortunate to have been born into a US Army Family. I was born on Post at Ft. Campbell, Kentucky which legally on paper means nearby Clarksville, Tennessee. Both my Parents were in the Army when I was born. My Mom left the Army in 1989 after 8 years of service, right before my 3rd Birthday and months before my Diagnosis that November. I was first diagnosed with Autism on November 22, 1989 right after the fall of the Berlin Wall. I have a piece of that by the way. My Parents were at odds with one another and my Mom tried separating from him the first time in January 1992. We left for Sonoma County, California to Santa Rosa on January 22, 1992. My Mom’s childhood home is where we stayed with Grandma and Grandpa M. He dies on May 6, 1992 from the impacts of decades of Alcohol Addiction. My Dad arrives, my 6th Birthday happened on July 3, and my Dad retires from the Army at Ft. Ord, California which no longer exists since 1994. Neither does Ben Frankling Village in Mannheim, Germany where I was diagnosed as it shut down in 2012.
We moved to San Antonio, Texas. My Dad begins working 2 jobs and is gone most the time. He has a hard time adjusting to Civilian Life. He is hired by a Taxi Company which was owned by the man that eventually became my Stepdad and a key player in my life. That was months after my diagnosis in 1994, the second one by the Army now at Ft. Sam Houston. He would hire my Mom too. During our time in this first house in San Antonio, my Dad was very abusive to us Kids. He didn’t dare lay hands on my Mom, because she’s an Irish Redhead with a matching temper. My Dad blamed us Kids for his difficulties. My Sisters took it worse than I did but we all got it pretty bad. All theee of us would get subjected to a green studded Nylon Duty Belt wherever he could land hits. I’d get tossed onto the floor a lot but my Sisters would be dragged by their Hair. Katie took the worst of us by attempting to protect my other Sisted and I as she was the oldest. I witnessed Katie many times get backhanded by my 6’3” 220lb mountain of a Dad, several of which she would end up collapsing onto the floor. It got so bad that my Mom took off the Window Screens to all of our Bedrooms. The ones in Katie’s Room were never discovered missing by my Dad and luck would have it, they were behind bushes shaped like giant coil slots. We snuck out whenever we had to escape him, then call Mom after getting to pre-assigned neighbors and friends. My Parents would divorce in February 1998 while I was in 5th Grade. I was glad this was happening because it was the end of the terror we were dealing with, or so I thought. My Dad wasn’t home much but when he was, things normally weren’t good at all. He moves out immediately upon the divorce being finalized. We left six months later to our second house.
We get to our second home in San Antonio and settle in that September in 1998, I’m in 6th Grade and about to be in my second Middle School just two months after starting Middle School. It didn’t take long things to truly become terrifying for us all. My Mom, my Sisters, and I. My Mom by this point had already started seeing my now-Stepdad. My Dad becomes aware of this somehow, and believes it had been happening for the prior 3 years. Don’t know if that’s true or not to this day. He begins stalking my Mom. For the next 2 years, he’d show up at the house looking for her, following her to my Stepdad’s Apartment, making threats, all sorts of chaos. The worst one was the night in late July 2000, right after I turned 14. Katie was 16, coming up on 17 and my other Sister was 15. He showed the first time and we faked him into thinking nobody was home. Then an hour later, he showed back up. Sisters and I were watching The Weather Channel because there were Storms in the area. Next thing I see, Dad’s face in the window of the TV Room which was converted from the Garage at the time. I yell, we all scramble. Katie arms herself ready to defend us with a Baseball Bat. Andi’s in the line with Mom again as she’s on the way home because of the first incident that night. I’m looking for escape routes so I can go get our Neighbor who was twice the size of my Dad and protective of us. Before I could slip out, Dad forced his way in. He disarms Katie, pinned her against the Wall and I’m fearing we were all three about to die. I find my opening and attempt to slip out. I froze when I saw a green 1998 Ford Mustang in the Driveway. Mom’s Car but no sign of my Mom. Before I could fully turn around, I hear the distinct metallic “rack-rack” of a Pump Action Shotgun. I turn around and it’s my Mom with a sawed off Winchester Model 1897, ordering my Dad to “Put her down and get the 'blank' out of my House”. He wisely complied with those orders and fled. San Antonio Police were called and arrived. They refused to do anything about it. This was the beginning of the end for being in San Antonio. Towing Company goes out of business in December 2000. We leave in April 2001 right after my other Sister turned 16. We went to Sonoma County again, this time to the town of Windsor. I endure brutal bullying in part because of Autism but in bigger part because I didn’t talk about life in Texas one bit to anyone. I spent years hiding it. What I still didn’t know is what the impacts on Katie were, yet. I’m diagnosed in February 2002 with Autism the third time.
I graduated in June 2005 just over two weeks before turning 19. Katie was in a Crash not long after. That’s how we found out she too was addicted to Alcohol. Drinking never stopped until she passed away on September 22, 2021.
More recently on December 3, 2023, I’m called by my Dad. How I chose to maintain a relationship with him over the years is beyond me. This is likely because I choose diplomacy over all else first when dealing with those who aren’t of ideal character. The news came. Throat Cancer, Stage III. He’s since had Chemotherapy, Radiation, and Surgeries. He’s on a feeding tube but hopefully will be off it sooner rather than later. I drive 8 hours to Clarksville, Tennessee to visit him and help out whenever I get the chance.
I overcame the abuse by showing my Dad the humility that for many years he refused to show my Sisters and I. I don’t leave people in need hanging. This decision on my end has had some unwanted problems caused by his wife and her son, but this will not stop me from being there for him. This is the best way I know how to be the better man. The family that I’m now attached to via my Better Half is the total opposite and I’m living my best life. That’s how one overcomes.
As I said in the beginning, let this not be a reason for sympathy. I want this to be a motivator for you to perhaps overcome abuses you maybe endured. Take the high road no matter what. Choose to be the better person. Do that and you’ll have absolutely no regrets.
I was both lucky and unfortunate to have been born into a US Army Family. I was born on Post at Ft. Campbell, Kentucky which legally on paper means nearby Clarksville, Tennessee. Both my Parents were in the Army when I was born. My Mom left the Army in 1989 after 8 years of service, right before my 3rd Birthday and months before my Diagnosis that November. I was first diagnosed with Autism on November 22, 1989 right after the fall of the Berlin Wall. I have a piece of that by the way. My Parents were at odds with one another and my Mom tried separating from him the first time in January 1992. We left for Sonoma County, California to Santa Rosa on January 22, 1992. My Mom’s childhood home is where we stayed with Grandma and Grandpa M. He dies on May 6, 1992 from the impacts of decades of Alcohol Addiction. My Dad arrives, my 6th Birthday happened on July 3, and my Dad retires from the Army at Ft. Ord, California which no longer exists since 1994. Neither does Ben Frankling Village in Mannheim, Germany where I was diagnosed as it shut down in 2012.
We moved to San Antonio, Texas. My Dad begins working 2 jobs and is gone most the time. He has a hard time adjusting to Civilian Life. He is hired by a Taxi Company which was owned by the man that eventually became my Stepdad and a key player in my life. That was months after my diagnosis in 1994, the second one by the Army now at Ft. Sam Houston. He would hire my Mom too. During our time in this first house in San Antonio, my Dad was very abusive to us Kids. He didn’t dare lay hands on my Mom, because she’s an Irish Redhead with a matching temper. My Dad blamed us Kids for his difficulties. My Sisters took it worse than I did but we all got it pretty bad. All theee of us would get subjected to a green studded Nylon Duty Belt wherever he could land hits. I’d get tossed onto the floor a lot but my Sisters would be dragged by their Hair. Katie took the worst of us by attempting to protect my other Sisted and I as she was the oldest. I witnessed Katie many times get backhanded by my 6’3” 220lb mountain of a Dad, several of which she would end up collapsing onto the floor. It got so bad that my Mom took off the Window Screens to all of our Bedrooms. The ones in Katie’s Room were never discovered missing by my Dad and luck would have it, they were behind bushes shaped like giant coil slots. We snuck out whenever we had to escape him, then call Mom after getting to pre-assigned neighbors and friends. My Parents would divorce in February 1998 while I was in 5th Grade. I was glad this was happening because it was the end of the terror we were dealing with, or so I thought. My Dad wasn’t home much but when he was, things normally weren’t good at all. He moves out immediately upon the divorce being finalized. We left six months later to our second house.
We get to our second home in San Antonio and settle in that September in 1998, I’m in 6th Grade and about to be in my second Middle School just two months after starting Middle School. It didn’t take long things to truly become terrifying for us all. My Mom, my Sisters, and I. My Mom by this point had already started seeing my now-Stepdad. My Dad becomes aware of this somehow, and believes it had been happening for the prior 3 years. Don’t know if that’s true or not to this day. He begins stalking my Mom. For the next 2 years, he’d show up at the house looking for her, following her to my Stepdad’s Apartment, making threats, all sorts of chaos. The worst one was the night in late July 2000, right after I turned 14. Katie was 16, coming up on 17 and my other Sister was 15. He showed the first time and we faked him into thinking nobody was home. Then an hour later, he showed back up. Sisters and I were watching The Weather Channel because there were Storms in the area. Next thing I see, Dad’s face in the window of the TV Room which was converted from the Garage at the time. I yell, we all scramble. Katie arms herself ready to defend us with a Baseball Bat. Andi’s in the line with Mom again as she’s on the way home because of the first incident that night. I’m looking for escape routes so I can go get our Neighbor who was twice the size of my Dad and protective of us. Before I could slip out, Dad forced his way in. He disarms Katie, pinned her against the Wall and I’m fearing we were all three about to die. I find my opening and attempt to slip out. I froze when I saw a green 1998 Ford Mustang in the Driveway. Mom’s Car but no sign of my Mom. Before I could fully turn around, I hear the distinct metallic “rack-rack” of a Pump Action Shotgun. I turn around and it’s my Mom with a sawed off Winchester Model 1897, ordering my Dad to “Put her down and get the 'blank' out of my House”. He wisely complied with those orders and fled. San Antonio Police were called and arrived. They refused to do anything about it. This was the beginning of the end for being in San Antonio. Towing Company goes out of business in December 2000. We leave in April 2001 right after my other Sister turned 16. We went to Sonoma County again, this time to the town of Windsor. I endure brutal bullying in part because of Autism but in bigger part because I didn’t talk about life in Texas one bit to anyone. I spent years hiding it. What I still didn’t know is what the impacts on Katie were, yet. I’m diagnosed in February 2002 with Autism the third time.
I graduated in June 2005 just over two weeks before turning 19. Katie was in a Crash not long after. That’s how we found out she too was addicted to Alcohol. Drinking never stopped until she passed away on September 22, 2021.
More recently on December 3, 2023, I’m called by my Dad. How I chose to maintain a relationship with him over the years is beyond me. This is likely because I choose diplomacy over all else first when dealing with those who aren’t of ideal character. The news came. Throat Cancer, Stage III. He’s since had Chemotherapy, Radiation, and Surgeries. He’s on a feeding tube but hopefully will be off it sooner rather than later. I drive 8 hours to Clarksville, Tennessee to visit him and help out whenever I get the chance.
I overcame the abuse by showing my Dad the humility that for many years he refused to show my Sisters and I. I don’t leave people in need hanging. This decision on my end has had some unwanted problems caused by his wife and her son, but this will not stop me from being there for him. This is the best way I know how to be the better man. The family that I’m now attached to via my Better Half is the total opposite and I’m living my best life. That’s how one overcomes.
As I said in the beginning, let this not be a reason for sympathy. I want this to be a motivator for you to perhaps overcome abuses you maybe endured. Take the high road no matter what. Choose to be the better person. Do that and you’ll have absolutely no regrets.
