Overheard, Understood, and Misunderstood: When You Hear Yourself Discussed

[Aspergirl4hire]

I have a lot of new office neighbors who have been with the company longer than I, and just moved from another building. This gave me the opportunity to hear two of them discuss something that I did, at length, without me having to leave my desk, and without them knowing I could hear them.

The key elements sounded like this, after I heard my full name mentioned:

"Nobody does this. I mean, we've been doing fine without it, but she's asking for it. Why would we bother?"

"Well, I think we probably should be doing it. <missed words> the manual."

"I guess I'll just have to email her back, then."

"She's probably just trying to do her job, being thorough. You should write back, you're more diplomatic than I am. CC:me, and we'll figure it out if she responds."

I am indeed deep into the database, tracing leads and connecting current issues to new rules. Aspie-like, I'm loving the detail, and as a newbie, aware of the rules and following them as written, unless one of my project leads says otherwise. And sensitive to what my colleagues think.

I feel both amused and a little nervous. What have I done? asks one part of my head. Another part says, Your boss wants to hire you. It can't be that bad. A third part notices, a lot of things are changing around here, am I following rules that they think don't matter? Do those rules still matter?

When have you overhead yourself discussed, and what did you think about what was said? Did you think it was true, or did you hear yourself slandered? Did you ever create a problem because you followed the rules literally? How did you respond?

 

[Progster]

I've never heard work colleagues talking about me. I've heard family members talking, and it wasn't very pleasant. They were talking about something I said that they found funny or weird, another time I had a meltdown and they were discussing that. Other times I heard neutral things. A lot of it was true, but I didn't like that they were making fun of me. I once heard something positive: two teachers were amazed at how fast I picked up a foreign language

 

[Nadador]

This happens to me quite frequently. At the offices and studios of my production company, especially for the way things are laid out, I’ve often overheard snippets of conversations complaining about my fussy nature, my continual requests for clarification of thoughts and details, my insistence on understanding everyone’s jobs...so on, and so forth. It hurts, of course, as I’m rarely in-house except during post-production, so I find it difficult to feel entirely secure in our office culture. I effectively sit at the top of the hierarchy, and yet, I am terribly aware that I’m sometimes considered a drag on the team. It’s a lonely feeling. That’s what I think, mostly...”I feel lonely.”

I also feel a bit like the pesky child of a party hostess, irritating the adults at the table. It reminds me too much of my actual childhood, at times. Young Nadador was an awkward, perhaps overcurious child, and Mother and Father often sighed frustrations to each other when they thought I wasn’t about. My brother and his wife, whom upon my parents’ deaths became like surrogate parents to me, have often done much the same. To the credit of family and co-workers alike, it’s never done directly in front of me. Once one knows something happens, however, it hardly matters if one is actually present for it. It’s assumed. It’s carried in the gut and in the heart, as well as in the head.

What makes my situation especially distressing is that while everyone’s jobs depend on the end product of our teamwork, this programme is My Baby. It wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for me. I try not to be indignant about it, but there it is. I’m sure I do cause legitimate problems by being too literal, too exacting, too anxious and attentive to detail...but at the end of the day, what we’re all working on there is my life. My current existence lives or dies by it, in ways theirs don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you might feel the same way, in some respect....

 

[Gordy]

I have been an employer and I do supervise staff currently. In a previous job I accidentally got copied into an email from a staff member saying all sorts about me. It was terrifying but also interesting to see how others viewed me. It was way off beam in relation to my attitudes and beliefs, probably reflected his issues at the time.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Update: in my determination to "find out" the answer to an apparently simple question, I have now acquired a day-long project because my persistence exposed a problem by everyone was just living with...which is a good thing, except that embarrassing superiors is a bad thing. Fortunately, my own boss wasn't one of them...at least, I don't think so

I'll know tomorrow! (Where are my tranquilizers?)

 

[watersprite]

Yes, have overheard family members talking about me when I signed in to a business conference call unbeknownst to the rest of them. Not nice words as they were defamatory but predictable, unsurprising.

 

[e79243]

Women in my office gossip and quite a bit. It is a bunch of women. Two talk and giggle in the mornings talking softly. I know they are speaking about me because I know one is mad at me. This is what I have to tell myself so I will not get upset. Whether it is true or not this is what I tell myself so I do not get mad....I say I have a better job, better credit, better this and better that so they are jealous and that is why they do this. It is probably not true but it makes me feel better because this goes on and on every morning and every weekend when I have to work and the boss is not there. If I tell this boss she will think I am a problem child so I say nothing. I think people that gossip are always gossiping about whoever is not there. I think they don't have a plan for their future and the only thing that makes them feel better is talking about others issues rather than taking a good look at themselves. Then I ask myself, do I wish I had their life and their issues, when the answer is I do not want to be them I feel much better and all goes away...