overly concerned family members

[confused_becca]

So my father does a "worried over protective mother" impression very well.

I just moved from reno to east bay California, and left behind the few friends i have

80% of his phone calls contain the "hows making friends going" and he has that tone in his voice that i recognize oh so well...
I've had the conversation with him about "dad... i think i might be in the autistic spectrum" but i every time I've tried he dismisses it. Mostly because i don't think he understands what that really means.

he constantly asks "arn't you making any friends in school?"

Him and my uncle are both concerned about the fact that i'm not making friends, and its not really normal to just spend time with family all the time.

my uncle, (who i'm currently staying with) keeps trying to get me involved with a yaht club for younger sailors, just to prompt me to meet people my own age.

The thing is... I don't start and struggle with conversations with people.

AND "normal" people my own age, i'm finding out I don't like very much.

They talk about things i don't understand, and the things i like to talk about they don't understand. they like raves and parties and events, and things that make me uncomfortable and awkward. I don't like being uncomfortable.

Also i hate when people say "its time to get you out of your shell" **** that... I like my shell... i decorate my shell with stickers

Not to say i don't get out, i do, but i like antique shops, thrift stores, nicknacks and doodads. candy stores, feeding ducks, singing in my car while going to sanfransico to look at the sea lions

i would like friends, but first off no one ever seems interested in me
and second, finding someone that has something in common with me?

Am i being whiny? i think i'm whining too much
am i whining too much?
what am i trying to say?
i don't know what i'm trying to say
i never know what i'm trying to say

I think this was originally supposed to be about how my father and uncle trying to pressure me into making friends but i struggle with that,
i get so frustrated on the fact that I have to start every conversation, i have send the first face book message, I have to be interested in getting to know them, but why isn't any one interested in getting to know me? do i alienate myself that much?

Bah!
i like turtles...

 

[2010Dolby]

Well, about your concerned family members. It seems like theyre just looking out for you because they care. They may not show it in the most convenient way, but they care. Have you tried asking them to relax? I have a grandmother that calls a ridiculous amount of times a day. I try to politely get her to stop with the excessive phone calls by steering the conversation into ways that will answer most the questions she'll probably have in the near future haha. Makes her and me happy.

As far as making friends go, I've heard that many people who have a hard time making friends find it easier when theyre exposed to the same people on a routined basis. Like a social club, part time job, church group. Anything else like that.

 

[confused_becca]

thats kinda the hope my uncle has for signing me up with the yaht club, i might meet people there.
i'm just so claimed up around new people.
its hard for me to get the conversation going in the first place
I'm mostly tired of all the let down when i'm forced in social situations just to make friends.

 

[2010Dolby]

You'll figure out some tricks of the friend-making trade fairly soon. Arent you only 21 you said the other night? Still young with plenty of time. Im 19 and dont have to much of a problem with it.

I work construction for a massive company so I often have to switch from crew to crew. The grunt-hands on each crew change fairly frequently, so this means I usually meet someone new every week. If I wanted to make work tolerable I knew I was going to need to learn some good social skills.

The first one I use on a new crew is the same every time. First thing I do, always the same trick. I step out of my car with a cigarette in my mouth and order ANYONE to do ANY job. Doesn't matter what. Doesnt matter who. Its a dominance thing. The 17 and 18 year olds dont even have an opportunity to challenge me before I display where I am in comparison to them. It sounds mean, and it kinda is lol. But once I show them that Im respected they usually warm up to me pretty quick.

The second thing I do I use at college, work, social groups, parties. It works anywhere. I act like I dont want to be there. Like Im slightly annoyed and I dont care. Or maybe laid-back is a better term for it? haha somewhere in that area. Im just sure not to overdo it or Ill look like a jerk

I use another trick too, but its really not a good idea lol especially not for a public forum. And these two that I listed work for me when Im trying to make guy friends, and Im a guy. So I dont know if theyll help you.

 

[epath13]

The second thing I do I use at college, work, social groups, parties. It works anywhere. I act like I dont want to be there. Like Im slightly annoyed and I dont care. Or maybe laid-back is a better term for it? haha somewhere in that area. Im just sure not to overdo it or Ill look like a jerk

it's kinda funny, I used the same trick in high school I quickly switched to "I don't care and I don't take anything seriously" because it matched my personality better... the problem was that people started growing up, becoming serious and eventually my attitude started looking childish... yeah. Nowadays I don't really have an attitude (I know my husband would disagree with that ) I'm just trying to be more ... myself I guess... but then again... I think with age need in socializing reduces, especially when you have a family with little kids and tired all the time

as for annoying uncle... when I lived with my parents my mom constantly pushed me out of the house to meet new people, she actually asked people to go out with me... and you know what, I'm grateful. Because if I wasn't thrown into that ocean I would never learn how to swim. I would never understand or even believe that socializing can be satisfying despite of all my differences.