Big deal, my interests and abilities are different from most people. So there are certain things I cannot do, (and certain things I am very good at). This is my "condition". It is me, and in many ways it is good.
But, as it stands, my REAL problem is my image, i.e. my "gender and age". If I could choose what I look like as far as gender and age, I could still be happy, be productive and have close friends. Although backed by my "condition" (i.e. who I really am), the actual presenting problem is how people react to my apparent gender and age image relative to who I really am inside. Inside, I have nothing to do with what gender and age I look like. Big deal, at first I would seem a bit shy, but that would pass. Due to my image, what the world expects from me is entirely wrong for who I really am. I'm only socially awkward because I must choose between lying and being rejected, and I am awkward about lying. If I tell the truth, I am out. The truth is not compatible with my gender-age image. If I am pushed into something I don't like, and I say I don't like it, I get rejected. If I ask for what I do like, that is not compatible with what I look like.
To be different inside than what one looks like on the outside is devastating when one is with strangers. There are only two people left who remember me as a baby, and they are the only people who know me. Everyone else is a stranger, who automatically judge everything I say or do through my gender-age image. Looking as I do is a horrible lie which I cannot stop. What it says about me is all wrong.
I was born psychologically genderless. And one unusual thing about me is that I do not change. Except for accumulated knowledge, I am the same inside as I was as a young child. I am and always was genderless and ageless. Even as a child, being the wrong gender physically created social problems: I preferred to be with the other gender, but they were quick to reject me because I was officially a different gender from them. With kids of my own physical gender, it seemed easy to be with, but I just did not want to. As now, even with the kids I wanted to be with, I would be profoundly different, but the difference was in outside interests (e.g. I did not want to play games), not in pure social friendship.
CONCLUSION: Even though my abilities, interests, and tastes are different from most people, in pure personal socialization, I would do very well if my gender-age image was not in the way, for those people who value pure friendship, and don't judge me by superficial similarities and worldly connections.
But, as it stands, my REAL problem is my image, i.e. my "gender and age". If I could choose what I look like as far as gender and age, I could still be happy, be productive and have close friends. Although backed by my "condition" (i.e. who I really am), the actual presenting problem is how people react to my apparent gender and age image relative to who I really am inside. Inside, I have nothing to do with what gender and age I look like. Big deal, at first I would seem a bit shy, but that would pass. Due to my image, what the world expects from me is entirely wrong for who I really am. I'm only socially awkward because I must choose between lying and being rejected, and I am awkward about lying. If I tell the truth, I am out. The truth is not compatible with my gender-age image. If I am pushed into something I don't like, and I say I don't like it, I get rejected. If I ask for what I do like, that is not compatible with what I look like.
To be different inside than what one looks like on the outside is devastating when one is with strangers. There are only two people left who remember me as a baby, and they are the only people who know me. Everyone else is a stranger, who automatically judge everything I say or do through my gender-age image. Looking as I do is a horrible lie which I cannot stop. What it says about me is all wrong.
I was born psychologically genderless. And one unusual thing about me is that I do not change. Except for accumulated knowledge, I am the same inside as I was as a young child. I am and always was genderless and ageless. Even as a child, being the wrong gender physically created social problems: I preferred to be with the other gender, but they were quick to reject me because I was officially a different gender from them. With kids of my own physical gender, it seemed easy to be with, but I just did not want to. As now, even with the kids I wanted to be with, I would be profoundly different, but the difference was in outside interests (e.g. I did not want to play games), not in pure social friendship.
CONCLUSION: Even though my abilities, interests, and tastes are different from most people, in pure personal socialization, I would do very well if my gender-age image was not in the way, for those people who value pure friendship, and don't judge me by superficial similarities and worldly connections.
