Paranoia? Too sensitive? Or there really is something going on?

[Suzanne]

I take great courage to go to an event and those females who are there, all know how much I struggle and YET, not a single one came up to me and said hello? In fact, one caught my eye and gave a very weak hello.

They hang around in a tiny group and, it would have to be me, to join. But, when you feel very low, that is quite impossible.

I ask myself: do I have a really bad aura? Do I smell bad?

I get texts to say I am missed, but when I go in person, I am ignored.

I just cannot ask what the issue is, because I know from experience that I will be mocked.

Terrible feeling, when one feels lonely anyway!

 

[tree]

You're expecting them to know how you feel?

It's possible these people figure that they were
giving you space, to have the freedom to approach
or remain on your own, as you chose.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes there is a group mentality. It's like they hang always together, and if you don't come on a regular basis, you are sorta excluded. It's not done in a mean way, it's just that they probably don't see you regularly and aren't sure whether to include you. If you just walked up and had said hello, what's up? They might have been quite nice. Anyways, l hope things have been a little better for you. Sadly, we always flip things in our mind to a negative thought, when sometimes it isn't that.

 

[Suzanne]

Sometimes there is a group mentality. It's like they hang always together, and if you don't come on a regular basis, you are sorta excluded. It's not done in a mean way, it's just that they probably don't see you regularly and aren't sure whether to include you. If you just walked up and had said hello, what's up? They might have been quite nice. Anyways, l hope things have been a little better for you. Sadly, we always flip things in our mind to a negative thought, when sometimes it isn't that.

I attend twice a week every week. And other times, too. So, nope, it is not due to that.

I am trying hard to deal with it all. Because, I have had experiences where there really is something to be upset about, but not been able to cope with it.

 

[Suzanne]

You're expecting them to know how you feel?

Yes, because they OFTEN have said: we think you are amazing always attending, despite ALL your struggles. You are an inspiration to us etc etc.

In truth, it is the type of environment that when one sees someone alone, their attitude should be one of loving care.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe they are cliquish and fake. It can happen anywhere.

 

[Suzanne]

Maybe they are cliquish and fake. It can happen anywhere.

Yes, in truth, I sense that. But my aspie brain gets confused with the platitudes they give out, which sadly, makes me feel boyed up and then, come crashing down, with disappointment.

 

[Aspychata]

NT's are good at double messages, we like you, duh, we don't like you, but we are fremenies. Friends and enemies.

 

[Fino]

All I can think of to say is that I know how you feel. I'm sorry it happens.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I take great courage to go to an event and those females who are there, all know how much I struggle and YET, not a single one came up to me and said hello? In fact, one caught my eye and gave a very weak hello.

They hang around in a tiny group and, it would have to be me, to join. But, when you feel very low, that is quite impossible.

I ask myself: do I have a really bad aura? Do I smell bad?

I get texts to say I am missed, but when I go in person, I am ignored.

I just cannot ask what the issue is, because I know from experience that I will be mocked.

Terrible feeling, when one feels lonely anyway!

That is awful.

And some woman are horrible and unfriendly
But I do not believe all women are like that.
It is really nice to be kind and friendly.
I'm glad you are and I believe their are like mind ex people will be kind to you.
I kind of feel the same that some negative vibes in my life are telling me I have endure mean women
And I am a lot happier when I believe that there are kindhearted and like-minded women out there who want to be nice to me and let me be happy and are not competitive.
I do not even know how I could be friends with others who have secret jealousy etc.
I like people who are happy to see me do well and me them who have a personality and interests of their own
I do not know anything worse than you cannot be yourself with another woman.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

NT's are good at double messages, we like you, duh, we don't like you, but we are fremenies. Friends and enemies.

NT are good at making comparisons in everything and expecting you to live up to a norm in behaviour, appearance and skills.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Maybe they are cliquish and fake. It can happen anywhere.

Yes i hate having to tolerate fake or competitive women

 

[Suzanne]

That is awful.

And some woman are horrible and unfriendly
But I do not believe all women are like that.
It is really nice to be kind and friendly.
I'm glad you are and I believe their are like mind ex people will be kind to you.
I kind of feel the same that some negative vibes in my life are telling me I have endure mean women
And I am a lot happier when I believe that there are kindhearted and like-minded women out there who want to be nice to me and let me be happy and are not competitive.
I do not even know how I could be friends with others who have secret jealousy etc.
I like people who are happy to see me do well and me them who have a personality and interests of their own
I do not know anything worse than you cannot be yourself with another woman.

We do sure seem to think alike. I feel happy in the same situation you are describing.

I study the bible with this lady and she is amazing. She does not have a jealous bone in her body towards me. She openly compliments me and often says that I give her so much, that she feels truly thankful to know me.

Had another lady who text last night and told me how much she loves me. She is an older friend and what I found amazing, when she lived in France, was that I could be myself around her in person, as well as via texts.

So, I do seem to have a little group of ladies who are super nice to be around. But, two of them live too far away.

I mostly have to be around those who come across as pretentious, which is so hard to deal with.

I can be everyones friends, but the way they behave, makes it too hard for me.

 

[Neri]

I cannot operate in those say-one-thing-but-do-another environments. I would find it very difficult to feel comfortable and not awkward and a little bit miserable, in such an environment.

I'm not even very good when people are friendly and seem to want to be my friend. I feel pressure to try to live up to what I think they might expect of me and I think that I, probably, won't be able to.

I always seem to be a little off and clunky with groups of NT women, as I get bored of small talk and being social without a focused activity to focus on. Having said that, I'm going to try again soon, with a social group organised by social workers. Hopefully a mixed gender group, as I often find it easier to talk to allistic guys than allistic females, especially the female group thing. It seems to intimidate me, women in cliquey groups. But my group thing will be people like me, who need help being social. At this point, I've just accepted that it goes with the Aspie/AuDHD phentype that I am. I'm easily and often an outsider unless it's a neurodiverse group, it seems.

Not sure if any of this is relevant or helpful, but, I wanted to say, I empathize. You are, definitely, not alone in your experience. I'm a nice person with heaps to offer but I've always been on the outside looking in at NT female group things.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I take great courage to go to an event and those females who are there, all know how much I struggle and YET, not a single one came up to me and said hello? In fact, one caught my eye and gave a very weak hello.

They hang around in a tiny group and, it would have to be me, to join. But, when you feel very low, that is quite impossible.

I ask myself: do I have a really bad aura? Do I smell bad?

I get texts to say I am missed, but when I go in person, I am ignored.

I just cannot ask what the issue is, because I know from experience that I will be mocked.

Terrible feeling, when one feels lonely anyway!

I might oversimplify things here. "Not a single one came up to me and said hello" In my experience working with the public and the social interactions that occur, it's a two-way street. For example, if I am walking into a patient's room for the first time, they don't know me, the family doesn't know me. I am expected to introduce myself. Now, here's where it can go wrong. If they are wrapped up in a conversation with the nurse or other family members, they will not make the eye contact with me to give me that window of opportunity to interact with them. I have to wait my turn to speak. Sometimes they never give me the opportunity to speak and I have to walk out and come back later. Another example, when I have class for the first time, I am standing up in front of a group of new students. The students may know each other. They are the established group. I am the stranger. I have to introduce myself. Now, unless you are walking into a retail store or a car dealership where you have high-pressure salespeople, and they introduce themselves, the vast majority of other social situations, YOU have to introduce yourself.

(1) If you don't give people that eye contact to give them that window of opportunity to speak, the more you delay that non-verbal language, they are less and less likely to interact with you. There's a line between simply being shy and non-verbally telling them "I don't want to interact with you."
(2) If you are new, YOU are supposed to introduce yourself. They are not necessarily supposed to greet you with open arms. You're a stranger until you make yourself otherwise.

 

[Mary Terry]

NTs have bad days, too, when they don't want to interact with others, or it takes too much effort for them to do so. They can be shy and hesitate to be the first person to speak.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

We do sure seem to think alike. I feel happy in the same situation you are describing.

I study the bible with this lady and she is amazing. She does not have a jealous bone in her body towards me. She openly compliments me and often says that I give her so much, that she feels truly thankful to know me.

Had another lady who text last night and told me how much she loves me. She is an older friend and what I found amazing, when she lived in France, was that I could be myself around her in person, as well as via texts.

So, I do seem to have a little group of ladies who are super nice to be around. But, two of them live too far away.

I mostly have to be around those who come across as pretentious, which is so hard to deal with.

I can be everyones friends, but the way they behave, makes it too hard for me.

Yes I can also not stand mean or nasty people especially those that hurt me because it really hurts and very unpleasant to be around. I am very sensitive to the energy of others.
I like woman who are nice to me too and have no competitive sides who are happy to see me shine and have security in their own personality and interests.
Who build me up.and say nice things and are genuine friends.

 

[Aspychata]

Truthfully, l am standoffish. I can give off those vibes. Which is fine with me. I do engage people in small talk, because it helps me feel l tried to make a difference for the day and tried to interact. So maybe step out of your comfort zone and just say hi. Then walk away. Do this a couple of times. Not everyone will like us in life. It's a bit unrealistic to believe that. Don't have a goal of l am nice, therefore everyone must like me. That might fall into black and white thinking, and we must think more in tones of grey.

 

[Neri]

Yes I can also not stand mean or nasty people especially those that hurt me because it really hurts and very unpleasant to be around. I am very sensitive to the energy of others.
I like woman who are nice to me too and have no competitive sides who are happy to see me shine and have security in their own personality and interests.
Who build me up.and say nice things and are genuine friends.

I'm like that. I genuinely cannot function if the vibe is of a competitive nature. There is nothing in me that wants to operate in such a fashion or be subject to that. I don't even understand why people want to be like that. Surely, we all have strengths and outstanding qualities that stand alone and don't need to be validated at someone elses deminishment? But it's very human to define ourselves in relation to others. I think that's how we form a sense of self.
It just seems to be a common allistic paradigm to be quite competitive, and it alienates and intimidates me. Clearly, to my mind, liking something or valuing someone's qualities or accomplishments is a highly subjective and often, kind of a political situation. Politics isn't just on the macro stage or in the news and the senate and such, its also in just about every social group situation, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I too, like to build people up and acknowledge them and see them in a positive light. To see their potential even when it isn't always apparent to everyone or they do not even see their own beauty and amazingness and unique awesomeness. I guess that comes of being someone who has had a lot of the opposite of that and how that impacts on our (my) sense of self, and confidence in being social.

I love celebrating peoples successes, if they are not success at other's expense. People who "score" by pointing fingers don't seem to realise that it's not a real success if you hurt someone else in the process.
Having said that, I'm not above pointing out how I've been hurt by other's, especially when they are people close to me and I can't talk to them about it. But I won't go around gossiping about them unless I'm addressing someone else who's been impacted by that person and I'm offering empathetic validation.

I think this makes me scared of trying to "fit in" in a lot of female social circles, coz that stuff can be rife.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I'm like that. I genuinely cannot function if the vibe is of a competitive nature. There is nothing in me that wants to operate in such a fashion or be subject to that. I don't even understand why people want to be like that. Surely, we all have strengths and outstanding qualities that stand alone and don't need to be validated at someone elses deminishment? But it's very human to define ourselves in relation to others. I think that's how we form a sense of self.
It just seems to be a common allistic paradigm to be quite competitive, and it alienates and intimidates me. Clearly, to my mind, liking something or valuing someone's qualities or accomplishments is a highly subjective and often, kind of a political situation. Politics isn't just on the macro stage or in the news and the senate and such, its also in just about every social group situation, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I too, like to build people up and acknowledge them and see them in a positive light. To see their potential even when it isn't always apparent to everyone or they do not even see their own beauty and amazingness and unique awesomeness. I guess that comes of being someone who has had a lot of the opposite of that and how that impacts on our (my) sense of self, and confidence in being social.

I love celebrating peoples successes, if they are not success at other's expense. People who "score" by pointing fingers don't seem to realise that it's not a real success if you hurt someone else in the process.
Having said that, I'm not above pointing out how I've been hurt by other's, especially when they are people close to me and I can't talk to them about it. But I won't go around gossiping about them unless I'm addressing someone else who's been impacted by that person and I'm offering empathetic validation.

I think this makes me scared of trying to "fit in" in a lot of female social circles, coz that stuff can be rife.

Yes it is hard, I hate being in 'competition'. I like people who let me be me and appreciate me and I try to appreciate them back.
I have so many gifts and talents it is hard when you feel like you dwarf others but also just want to be you.
I feel like I have been hurt a lot by the jealous and competitive type but some people can grate on my nerves after a while.
I am the type who does not like relating but it is hard being caring if you do not and I love caring and helping.
But I hate feeling like I have to do it in a way I have to be like-minded.
I do not like being the 'same' in feelings, thoughts and behaviours all the time.
Or do I feel like I have to have pressure to always be the one who 'understands' another's experiences or problems or imperfections
I do not always understand why humans have to relate to other to feel good about themselves.
Why when someone does something good they are not inspired by it rather than make it let them feel inadequate and then like feel small in comparison like use it as a positive instead of use it as a rod to measure up to.
And why do humans not focus on their positives for self esteem because for everyone there is bound to be some.
People should be able to feel comfortable in their abilities because it is true everyone has some talents in some areas even if it be but small. I do believe it and can point it out even in my own family.