parenting advice please

[Tasha]

my son is 8 will be 9 in october and was diagnosed moderate autism with echolalia, moderate inntelectual disability with low iq of 56, adhd, and pica in June 2015 at age of 7 1/2! we have a lot of different problems that we need advice with. he will be a 3rd grader in fall but cognitivly he is a 3-4 yr old. first problem and most important is it doesnt matter what we do for disapline he does not understand. for example if he hits his brother he can tell me why he hit him, what hes suppose to do instead of hit, and whats hes going to do next time instead of hit, but when we disapline him he doesnt understand why. we have grounded, spanked, taken away things, timeouts, military exersizes,it doesnt matter he doesnt care!!!!!he is extremly agressive at school.he has hit, bit, kicked, punched, screamed, thrown chairs, headbutted teacher and almost broke nose ( she told him to do his math page). also there is nothing to motivatte him either. He cares about absoultly nothing. no tablet, park, icecream, sweets, NOTHING!!! school or at home we canoont figiure out how to disapline him. He hs no stranger danger and will approch anyone and they r his best friend, he hurts others, says thing like he wants to get ran over to get hurt or he wants to get blowed up (brother was in fireworks accident july 15')runs at school off property, rufuses to do work. have had officer talk to him 4 times he told him he didnt care what he said basiclly. he pretends not to know what we say and pretends he cant spell when we can here him whisper words and he says he doesnt know them, he lies cosistantly, steals things. we r at wits end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone please give me advice

 

[Crossbreed]

I am not sure that I can offer a solution, but we have certainly been there with our third-born son. He is (now) 28 with a mental age of 6-10 years old (living in a supervised apartment). At the root of the problem is that he does not get the concept of causation. In more practical terms, that would be social and physical consequences, so none of those temper his subsequent behavior. The only method we found to work (as a child) was to physically insert our bodies between him and his forbidden objectives. (It was exhausting.)

His psychiatrist prescribed some medicine for impulse control, and that helped to certain degree, but we were never really able to instill any life lessons in him.

 

[midlife aspie]

I'm afraid medication is likely your best recourse. We are having some problems with our son's lack of understanding that actions have consequences. The only other thing that comes to mind is institutionalization, and if he reaches his teens with no behavioral improvement, it may come to that. If we don't do it, the legal system likely will.