Partners and SO's: Single Children vs. Children with Siblings

[NateSean]

I wasn't sure how to title this, but I want to be very clear with how I word it.

I'm not casting any aspersions towards people who grew up as a single child. But I am seeking opinions that may be varied, so hopefully we can remain civil.

I'm the oldest of six children. I grew up with four of my siblings, so I didn't always get my way and I had to learn to adjust my own routine.

My boyfriend was a single child. He has long since adapted to a life where no one questions him and he gets to make all the decisions. He's told me as much, "I like to be the director" whenever the subject of our argument is him trying to take control of any aspect of my life. Usually he backs down, because I don't except that as an excuse, but arguments still surface because he is still under the impression that I'm going to magically agree with him on the spot if he has decided something in his head.

I wonder if other people who are the children of siblings ever have this problem in a relationship with someone who is an only child.

Please discuss, but again, lets keep it civil.

 

[On the Inside]

Interesting question.

I have this problem, but my SO is the youngest of a large family. According to her stories, she definitely didn't get her way. So now, involved with a pliable, somewhat passive Aspie (me) she gives me the "I like to be the director" treatment.

It's complicated, and I'm not used to being bossed around, so we clash a lot. Not because I want to be in charge, but because I have a very "live and let live" attitude, and don't really think that things need to be done immediately and in a certain way. She does. While I was also the youngest in a large family, I was also the only boy, and my sisters were all 6-11 years older than me. In a sense, after I turned 10 or so, they really had no sway over me, and they had very little to do with me; they were too involved in their own lives.

Also, I think that after all the trouble my sisters gave my parents, they were worn out and relieved that I was mostly focused on my relatively harmless interests, did reasonably well in school and didn't have discipline problems. In effect, my parents let me be myself and didn't interfere or get involved. Consequently, I have trouble with people who try to change me, interfere in my activities, and get overly involved in my stuff.

 

[Peeta]

Single child here. I like to be the director of my own life, but not others. I didn't always get my way, there were rules to follow and parents to listen to. With others I don't like it when people try to control me, but I don't try to control them. I feel like everybody is responsible for their own life and should be free to arrange it like they want to. I'm up for debate for anything though and find a solution.

My husband has a younger sibling and she was the 'golden child' while he was the 'scapegoat'. (Google it for a whole 'fun fest' of information) Save to say that he never got his way. He doesn't have a director complex though. We try to discuss stuff, make suggestions and sometime one person has the better argument and next time the other. Differences of opinions do happen of course.

Hope this helps.

 

[Beverly]

I am the eldest of three siblings and, due to dysfunctional parents, took control and responsibility at a young age. I still demand control in a relationship. I am not changing my life for anyone, take me and my way as I am or take the highway away from me, I really don't care - my home, my life and, I'm the boss.

 

[unsurewhattoname]

I have siblings and I am passive as hell. I am completely fine being told what to do. I actually prefer being told that I'm doing something, over being asked to choose something. I do not like to be a director or in charge or in control or anything. I find making decisions hard because I am not used to having so much choice. I'm not sure that having siblings affects that though, seems more of a personality thing.

 

[On the Inside]

I'm fine with making choices for myself, but I will still procrastinate and be indecisive. I very much dislike making choices for others, since I will get very testy if someone leaves the decision to me, then complains later. Other people can make the decision and I'll go along, and unless someone really screws up, I won't criticize. And I've gone along on some pretty hare brained schemes.

I don't think this has anything to do with my parents or siblings, but who knows?

 

[ancusmitis]

Someone says to me that they like to be a dictator, I'm like, "Okay, we can roleplay for a little bit but only so long as I feel like it, haha. And I'm playing the résistance."