Patience and anticipation

[Sherlock77]

The last few months I've been getting to know a lady, a bi-polar artist who has been hanging out with an Aspie photographer... We aren't officially dating yet... Perhaps more on that in another post, but back to tonight...

I've seen some of her artwork before, tonight was supposed to be the night she was coming to my place to look at some of my photo portfolio, I'm a luddite who still doesn't own a laptop, I only have a desktop unit which I spent tons of money on and that is where my photos are stored.

At 12 noon at work for lunch break, get a text message from her... "I hate to do this but I need to cancel tonight. I didn't really sleep last night. Sorry" And there were further texts after that back and forth...

The moment I read that I felt my heart sink, the offer for this evening had been on the table for awhile, three days ago she was ready for it, I have also purchased one of her paintings so tonight would have been the delivery of it...

For three days I've been on cloud nine and now extreme disappointment... I know we will reschedule it but ... Yes I'm impatient and anxious, and... I don't know what words to express... It's like I had grand plans for the evening, after a long day of work, and all of a sudden there is just nothing to do tonight... Patience...

 

[Ambi]

Awww, that stinks :-( I'm glad she'll be back another day to deliver the painting

 

[Judge]

Hang onto your patience...and optimism.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

This deeply hurt feeling actually applies to friends in my case, since I've never dated before. I have very strong (non-romantic) feelings for these friends. If I make any sorts of plans with my friends, I look forward to hanging out with them very much. I decide in advance what I will talk about and do with them. This anticipation is very natural. If for any reason this ends up NOT happening all of a sudden, my heart sinks to the bottom of the ocean. I cannot endure disappointment, not one little tiny bit - and I just spend the rest of the day wallowing in self-misery. I cannot stand NOT spending my weekends with these friends, it's a wonder I even managed to make some in the first place. Combine that with my complete aversion to sudden changes, and there we have it. At the same time, I might also worry that this is just an excuse, I constantly have this paranoia about my friends leaving me...but people tell me that I'm just that, paranoid. I only start believing those people about me being paranoid (and NOT right) once we reschedule the event and it actually happens, with no pattern of multiple excuses in a row (more on that in the final paragraph).

This all led me and my friends to never make definitive concrete plans, ever - since they know just how much that crushes me. The canceling of the plans might not be anyone's fault, things do come up...but it doesn't change how I feel one tiny bit. We always inject uncertainty into our plans, using the Schrodinger's Cat approach pretty much - and you know what? It's been working great. There is no excitement or anticipation, because we made it indeterminate from the very start. Granted, I'm still disappointed if it doesn't happen but the burden isn't that heavy since there have been no definitive agreements made from the very beginning.

I'm sorry this happened to you, and in your case it's regarding someone you might be dating - so perhaps in your case your heart actually sank because you have feelings for her? I'm just asking these questions because I care and don't want you to get hurt - has she been keeping her end of the bargain for previous get-togethers, if any? Look into what happens closer to the moment at which it's been rescheduled and see if she cancels. Look for a pattern, and if there is no pattern then this was only a one time thing, nothing to worry about. Like I said in the second paragraph, things do come up from time to time for people and that's normal. Multiple excuses in a row, however, are a big red flag. I'm just making sure here that she's not flaking on you; I'm definitely not saying that she is, but be on the lookout just in case - but at the same time please don't worry. Make a post about what happens next - on whether or not the rescheduled event happened. We want to see how this goes further for you. Best of luck.

 

[Gracey]

Hang in there Sherlock I wonder if there would be a chance to go and collect your painting, taking your portfolio with you?...
... or did you want to spend more time with her at your place?

I am familiar with that seemingly huge expanse of time filled with nothingness when in our minds our best laid plans had it filled with pleasantries and enjoyment and was something to really look forward to.

If you bought anything special for the evening (food or drink) have it yourself, you're worth it

 

[Alaska]

I really feel for you Sherlock. As they say, "Been there done that, got the tee shirt".

We Aspies seem to be a sensitive lot and we usually have to really work ourselves up to stick our necks out as you did. Don't let this setback discourage you. You are clearly a nice person who deserves better. Maybe things will turn out ok later with this same woman, maybe not.

Regardless of whether things work out with her or not, take care of yourself and do whatever you do to comfort yourself. Somebody will eventually appreciate your sterling qualities.

 

[Sherlock77]

Well... We are going for a coffee tonight in an hour or so...

Update: A good time was had, my attempts at small talk were rather poor, we both apologized to each other later in brief texts...