People forget that we are humans

[Annaa]

everyone likes to call us different, interesting, gifted and all that, they also love to treat us like animals or babies that need constant support and are unable to sustain themselves.
Sometimes people literally are more upset with my situation than I am and its incredible annoying and makes me feel like I don’t know just a character in peoples head wich they use to make themselves feel like better people, but the pity is incredibly annoying.
well I’m just writing random stuff but the point is that people around me constantly say stuff like "oh you’re so smart, I wanna switch brains" or "should I write this for you" or some of my friends want me to do their assignments for them and try to guilt trip me by saying stuff like "but I will fail if I don’t do well" or "but you can finish your own work after mine, you’ll do it quickly"
And I have to say it’s seriously annoying and even if I decide to do their work since I’m finished and I am bored I still feel pressured to do everything perfectly and then 3 people try talking to me at once expecting me to pay attention to all of them.
And I don’t know but sometimes I feel like people don’t view me as human or at least they view me as less than them, might be because I struggle participating in stuff that’s "normal" for people my age or I react differently to stuff or because I think logically, my friends actually stopped asking my opinion because I’m honest and I tell them the truth.
honestly I don’t know what I am saying but constantly not being taken seriously, makes me feel so dehumanized mostly because 8 end up being right and no one wants to listen since i am not "normal“.
this is a word scramble as all my texts are and I also want to point out that I am aware of my grammatical mistakes and that I didn’t start with a big letter after the dot but it is 5 am and I can barely write a sense making text so I cant write a grammatically correct one

 

[SusanLR]

Human is really just a term for the biological body.
Scientific name: Homo Sapiens.
No matter what anyone says or how they react doesn't make me or you less human.
The real meaning of self is much more.
I am what I am, whatever that is.

Don't let them take that away.

 

[Aspychata]

This is a good post, because forget trying to live up to people's expectations, standards, wishes. I said no to somebody for what they requested. And then l didn't explain much. I also am using detachment, where you need to step away from people who hound you for only their advantage. As l have gotten older, stepping back, and repeat the word "no" "no can do". @Annaa - promise me to start saying no, no, no, no. In one week of saying no to things you don't wish to do, sure maybe you have less friends but you will have piece of mind, because as you go out into the world, we really don't stay in touch with those we met in school.

 

[MildredHubble]

I was well into adulthood before I really began to perceive that I was in (and still am sometimes) in a similar situation.

I would often be treated like I was a bit thick, because I struggled to understand and emulate the behaviour of people around me. This coupled with many years of abusive behaviour from my mother just caused me to make so many screw ups, trying to conform with behaviours that just made no sense to me. I could see the patterns, but my application I guess, was in the "uncanny valley".

This made people look down on me and treat me like an object of ridicule. But! I had knowledge and skills. Others always wanted to take advantage of them, while simultaneously trying to make me feel useless.

It was like "Well we will never treat you as an equal. You are a weirdo, but you can fix my computer or whatever for me and I will condescendingly tell you 'well done' and give you advice on how you can become more acceptable to us all by starting a business etc. Oh! And I'm letting you do this, so you should do it for free!"

I still get treated like this by some people. They just "know" that they are better at "everything" than I am. But, this "everything" really just boils down to being better at fitting in, in a world that was built for them.

Sadly, a lot of people judge their intelligence and value by how socially successful they are. Which is like judging how high you can jump based on what colour hair you have.

 

[MildredHubble]

Are we actually humans tho?

Yes, just some people want to pretend ND humans don't exist and we are just NTs that need to be "fixed".

 

[UberScout]

This has been my experience ever since grade school. I can *still* recall memories of moments where a teacher would force.me to explain myself and I knew I heard myself speaking fluent english as clearly as possible, and when I finish the only thing on their minds is "Wait a minute, you said [insert dictionary term literally everyone in class has seen but never bothered to memorize], what does that mean?" What the hell did it SOUND like I said? What, did I just recite a poem by Edgar Allen Poe in Klingon or something? Because I heard myself speaking ENGLISH!

Can you really blame me for being that frustrated?? (Not saying anyone here is, but that's the kind of position I'd be in.)

 

[MildredHubble]

This has been my experience ever since grade school. I can *still* recall memories of moments where a teacher would force.me to explain myself and I knew I heard myself speaking fluent english as clearly as possible, and when I finish the only thing on their minds is "Wait a minute, you said [insert dictionary term literally everyone in class has seen but never bothered to memorize], what does that mean?" What the hell did it SOUND like I said? What, did I just recite a poem by Edgar Allen Poe in Klingon or something? Because I heard myself speaking ENGLISH!

Can you really blame me for being that frustrated?? (Not saying anyone here is, but that's the kind of position I'd be in.)

They probably assumed you wouldn't be able to explain yourself so competently, and when you succeeded where they thought you would fail, probably with great skill, they decided to pretend you hadn't.

 

[MildredHubble]

If i can be fixed i will let them

In what way would you need to be fixed?

 

[tazz]

I really loved that post. So direct and heartfelt. I share a lot of those experiences, although perhaps I felt more patronised when I was younger and less so now.

Unfortunately I don't have any solutions. It might be useful to remember that sometimes people are just at the start of their journey and still not very good at being mature and respectful to others in general - not just towards those with autism and other conditions.

But yes, it's annoying as heck. I find listening to punk rock at full volume helps

 

[UberScout]

They probably assumed you wouldn't be able to explain yourself so competently, and when you succeeded where they thought you would fail, probably with great skill, they decided to pretend you hadn't.

That's the thing; around 2nd - 3rd grade(ish) or so, I was maybe 6, and they were saying that I was reading at a COLLEGE LEVEL.

SIX YEAR OLD WITH HIGH-FUNC ASPBERGERS. COLLEGE LEVEL READING SKILL. NOT ONE HUMAN BEING IN THAT ENTIRE CHARTER SCHOOL WAS ABLE TO DISTINGUISH MY OWN ENGLISH SPEAKING FROM EVERYONE ELSE'S. (Sorry about the explosion; keep in mind I have chronic postpartum PTSD (diagnosed) and this was one of those "bad" traumas for me.)

Just for comparison, while I could read at a college level I'd be sitting in gridlock surrounded by maybe 4-8 other kids who either *did* have a case of autism *kinda* close to my own or "didn"t", and somehow the mere second they see a word no longer than maybe four or THREE letters long but spelled unusually, their ability to read just grinds to a screeching halt. Whole class would have to sit there and wait while Lil' Jimmy Junior Four Eyes wracks his brain over how to pronounce "roux" ('roo'). Embarrassing. Just plain embarrassing. I got aggravated sooooo much about it, and in some cases, most classmates I had that ended up becoming bullies to me would somehow, without telling a soul, pick up on my annoyance at all this and even pretend to do this intentionally. Now, I hated school just as much as they, in fact I loathed every school I had to go to, but because of **certain** reasons, I often found myself between a rock and a hard place VS either bullies or the school itself, so my goal was the focus of fixing my grades and ultimately at the end of it all just straight up surviving each day.

You think Dark Souls is hard? Nah, bro, grab a time machine and go back to wherever your first school was. What the hell is Easy mode, amiright?

 

[Luca]

That's the thing; around 2nd - 3rd grade(ish) or so, I was maybe 6, and they were saying that I was reading at a COLLEGE LEVEL.

SIX YEAR OLD WITH HIGH-FUNC ASPBERGERS. COLLEGE LEVEL READING SKILL. NOT ONE HUMAN BEING IN THAT ENTIRE CHARTER SCHOOL WAS ABLE TO DISTINGUISH MY OWN ENGLISH SPEAKING FROM EVERYONE ELSE'S. (Sorry about the explosion; keep in mind I have chronic postpartum PTSD (diagnosed) and this was one of those "bad" traumas for me.)

Just for comparison, while I could read at a college level I'd be sitting in gridlock surrounded by maybe 4-8 other kids who either *did* have a case of autism *kinda* close to my own or "didn"t", and somehow the mere second they see a word no longer than maybe four or THREE letters long but spelled unusually, their ability to read just grinds to a screeching halt. Whole class would have to sit there and wait while Lil' Jimmy Junior Four Eyes wracks his brain over how to pronounce "roux" ('roo'). Embarrassing. Just plain embarrassing. I got aggravated sooooo much about it, and in some cases, most classmates I had that ended up becoming bullies to me would somehow, without telling a soul, pick up on my annoyance at all this and even pretend to do this intentionally. Now, I hated school just as much as they, in fact I loathed every school I had to go to, but because of **certain** reasons, I often found myself between a rock and a hard place VS either bullies or the school itself, so my goal was the focus of fixing my grades and ultimately at the end of it all just straight up surviving each day.

You think Dark Souls is hard? Nah, bro, grab a time machine and go back to wherever your first school was. What the hell is Easy mode, amiright?

I understand your frustration. I also got bullied for being a good student and being a "know-it-all."
Kindergarten was really embarrassing for me because other kids were just learning how to read and I was already reading chapter books. Other kids always thought I was deliberately showing off, or that I was a teacher's pet. I actually just really liked school, believe it or not.
I didn't realize when I was a kid that spouting random facts about animals and infodumping was socially inappropriate.
I graduated from high school early, with the best academic record in my grade, so they can laugh all they want lol

 

[Forest Cat]

I understand your frustration. I also got bullied for being a good student and being a "know-it-all."
Kindergarten was really embarrassing for me because other kids were just learning how to read and I was already reading chapter books. Other kids always thought I was deliberately showing off, or that I was a teacher's pet. I actually just really liked school, believe it or not.
I didn't realize when I was a kid that spouting random facts about animals and infodumping was socially inappropriate.
I graduated from high school early, with the best academic record in my grade, so they can laugh all they want lol

I think kindergarten should be outlawed. Forcing your 4-5 year old kid to spend the day in a building full of other 4-5 year olds, that's borderline child abuse. Those other kids annoyed me so much, I very cunningly escaped and ran away every other day.

 

[Luca]

I think kindergarten should be outlawed. Forcing your 4-5 year old kid to spend the day in a building full of other 4-5 year olds, that's borderline child abuse. Those other kids annoyed me so much, I very cunningly escaped and ran away every other day. Awful place.

It is awful. And kids that age are too young to understand that they're being mean, or that there are consequences for it.
I used to hide under my desk in kindergarten and cry because other kids made fun of me. And then I got in trouble for being under my desk

 

[Princess Viola]

It honestly feels like so much of how NTs interact with or treat autistics is based around making us palatable to neurotypicals. It's like we don't exist as our own people, we only exist as something for neurotypicals to react to. (See also: all the 'autism mommies' on social media...)

In my view, instead of trying to make autistics act in ways acceptable to neurotypicals and neurotypical society, we should instead be working to make society more accepting and understanding of autistics and other neurodiverse individuals.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It honestly feels like so much of how NTs interact with or treat autistics is based around making us palatable to neurotypicals. It's like we don't exist as our own people, we only exist as something for neurotypicals to react to. (See also: all the 'autism mommies' on social media...)

In my view, instead of trying to make autistics act in ways acceptable to neurotypicals and neurotypical society, we should instead be working to make society more accepting and understanding of autistics and other neurodiverse individuals.

You would be fighting natural human instincts. Tribalism cuts deep in our cultural DNA. It goes way back to the days when we were 3 hairs from being baboons. Anything that is perceived as different from the norm will trigger our primitive amygdalas and make us anxious, nervous, afraid, etc. You can't make anyone overcome these instincts, rather THEY have to overcome these instincts, themselves. It's called courage. Being afraid, and doing it anyways. You can't force someone to have courage.

As you already know, given the political divisions we deal with these days, the "cultural wars", it is testament to the fact, you can't make "policy" of acceptance. There are those amongst us that are open-minded, accepting, naturally more courageous, thrill-seeking, etc. Then there are the rest of the population that is clearly not. You can't change people. All you can do is learn how to navigate this world as best you can.

 

[VictorR]

@UberScout and @Luca

I totally commiserate with your experiences.

It felt weird for me being appreciated only when there was some sort of group quiz activity but otherwise being the annoying and over-eager classmate who asked too many questions, especially if the questions were well beyond the level that was being taught.

I didn't get to skip grades - I remember with some difficulty in grade 8 getting permission to take the final exam in one subject before haven taken the class. I got 88%. The school's policy was you needed to challenge the final with 90% to skip the grade and so I ended up taking the class as normal and got 97% or something ridiculous like that. Did I learn anything new? No.

Something else that was frustrating but I didn't know it then was how I always got Cs in English, with a B- once in a blue moon. But yet in college, and now in my master's, I've always gotten As in English and Literature. Looking back, I realize that it's not that my writing or comprehension changed, but rather, that I was likely writing at a higher level than what any of my school teachers were at themselves, so when they read my work, they were confused and assigned mediocre grades, whereas the college professors did understand me. It's nice to be validated now, but it doesn't remove the hurt from before.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Meanwhile, there's homeschooling.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Annaa

People who want you to do their assignments for them are probably not your friends.
There are reasonably simple techniques for dealing with people who are stealing your time.

 

[The Pandector]

Honestly, I can almost envy your problems, although I’m sure they were every bit as unpleasant as mine. I rarely spoke as a child and avoided others. I was taken for a dolt and just passed through grade levels.

Every now and then a teacher would notice a well-written paper or an insightful book report. But, just look; he’s obviously a dummy. Everyone in the school was forced to participate in a public speaking contest, and the dummy knocked them dead reading The USS Constitution, about a ship. Next year I was winning district speech and debate contests, and the following year the coach had me elevated by the NFL (forensics) into the senior division because he wanted me to be challenged in 9th grade.

Outside of the competition circuit, I was still the dummy. In the workplace, I would determine the objective standard and excel at that, but was still the dummy. Apparently, I don’t present well.

I’m so very sick and tired of being ignored, teased, taunted and bullied. Adult NTs aren’t much different, just more smugly subtle. I can’t help looking like a dummy any more than they can help being ableist jackhorses. It’s a DNA thing.

But I could wish that people at least recognized that there is actually an intellect in here, without having to reprove myself every day. I guess it’s a pride thing. The grass is always greener, right?