Ｐｅｏｐｌｅ Ｔｈｉｎｋ Ｉ?ｍ Ｒｕｄｅ

[SUM1]

Basically what the title says. My parents are always remarking that I'm rude to them, when I don't notice anything that I did wrong at all. Also my friend does the same thing, and so did one of my teachers. People seem to think sometimes when I talk to them I'm being "rude". With MY Asperger's, I speak and think extremely logically, directly and straightforward. When I speak, it's almost always pure facts. I think people are used to others' expressing emotions and empathy when they converse, but me, no. I just speak directly and say facts, and I think it might be some of these that seem to upset people. I can't help it though. My teacher thought I was attacking her or purposely being a nuisance when I questioned a rule at school about not wearing coats indoors. I only asked why the rule was in place, not that I didn't want to follow it. She refused to answer, and just got annoyed. My parents also get offended by some of the things I say to them, and so does my best friend. It's incredibly annoying for me, not just them, because I never know what I'm doing wrong, and even when they tell me, I don't understand how the thing can be rude.

Does anyone else have this?

 

[smith2267]

We all, or nearly all have the same problem. It's one of the hallmarks of AS.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

my mum is always at me about this. Makes me so mad. mostly because she nit picks things and harasses me endlessly about them.

Unfortunately no matter how your aspie-ness manifests ... this is just something that happens because the bit of our brain that deals with social interaction doesn't function like an NTs so while we think we are doing ok and NT doesn't always perceive it that way.

Also most people don't want the truth. They want the fluffy bunny tree hugger hippie dippie white lie that is almost the truth but not really. Most people will say they like to hear the truth but my experience is that the truth is the last thing most NTs at least want to hear. The truth can be painful for them because most of them have distorted views about themselves ("I'm such a nice person" "I look so hot in this top" "I'm awesome at sports") what ever they tell themselves in their heads. Most people don't like it when you deviate from this.

I wish I knew more aspies in real life. I've heard that a bunch of aspies talking in a room is quite interesting to listen to because we all speak the truth, we all accept the truth, and we all are intelligent enough to have a decent rant about things

 

[Fox]

I was always worried about being rude as a child and a teen (at least to strangers) and so doubled up on my manners: "May I please have a cheeseburger with mustard and ketchup only please?" Sometimes I still do that.
As for family and friends confronting me about being rude, it has only happened to me once. My boyfriend yelled at me a few days ago about "Using Aspergers as an excuse to be rude" at a party we went to. The incident in question was me flipping my phone open and closed for a good half an hour after watching some strange girl waltz into this party like she's God, touch my boyfriend and flirt with him and him responding positively to it, without ever introducing me to her. (Am I wrong for thinking, "if you noticed, why didn't you do something about it?") I know other family members and family friends have confronted my parents about me being rude, and they've spoken to me about it, but they never used the 'r' word when we talked about it; either they instinctively knew referring to my attitude as "rude" would set me off, or they, on some sort of level, understood that it wasn't something I could help.

 

[lemon]

I actually recently found out that all of my ex-girlfriends described me as two main things: Honest and rude. I guess these two things go hand in hand sometimes. I speak my mind and sometimes people don't like what I say and take it as me being rude or mean. I still have a hard time understanding why what I say sometimes is rude because, in my mind, I have no ill-intentions in my words and only wish to speak honestly.
Most people I know, only hear the words I say and not what I actually mean. I'm incredibly thankful for the few people in my life that see past the words. They are the ones I feel most comfortable with as I don't have to worry about censoring myself.

 

[Liam]

I have a theory about us all... Perhaps there is a "they" out there that wants to put an end to the truth. Why are we marginalized? Why is it an "issue" to speak the truth? Why should we have to censor ourselves? Isn't sugarcoating things and/or telling white lies condescending? A lie is a lie is a lie--it's wrong! How are we suppose to evolve if we can't accept who we are? Why do we get persecuted for legitimate questions? What messages are we giving our children and others when we punish them for speaking the truth? Its not like we're constantly walking up to people making mean remarks out of the blue. Now, if someone asks me what I think about something then they best be prepared for my answer; I'm not going around volunteering everything that can be construed as negative to others.

For those who watch television, pay close attention to the messages being pushed on the public. Even the "family friendly" shows are awful. They're dehumanizing. Anyway, I'm going to stop there before I go on a long rant about the tube everyone seems to enjoy so much.

I think I'm going to listen to Bill Hicks speak some truth now...

 

[pjcnet]

I have similar problems and so do most people with autistic spectrum disorders such as asperger syndrome. I'm told I speak at the wrong times, often interrupting, changing the subject and ignoring what other people are saying, going on repeating things about myself and not considering other people, I'm also told I shout and annoy people. Yes, I'm often told I've been rude and don't know how to act in social situations. What's more there's been numerous situations where I've apparently offended people and I really don't know why or what I've done wrong, it's caused me some awful situations during my life and even disciplinary problems in employment (I can't get a job any more). Once a person I was talking to disappeared and I found out the next day that he'd left disgusted at something I'd said, plus other people were very annoyed with me, especially how I acted afterwards as if I'd done nothing wrong (well I didn't know I'd done anything wrong and they apparently just didn't believe that), I was very upset as I didn't intend to offend and despite going over the evening repeatedly in my head I couldn't pinpoint anything I had done wrong and I never can. Eventually someone explained what I had said, it was a few years back and I cannot remember what I said exactly, but the person took what I'd said in a totally different context to what I meant him to, it was something totally innocent that wouldn't have upset me at all, although other people processed this in a different way to mean something different, apparently this happens a lot and I don't even know when. I am already fearful in social situations and incidents like this only dent my confidence even more and prove that I'm better off alone despite often being badgered to be more social. The thing is we don't mean to be rude, it's only rude in their eyes and it's only because we are misunderstood, if they fully understood what it was like they wouldn't complain, it does upset and annoy me. People don't understand and expect people with our disability to act "normally", then they punish us when we don't, it's really unfair. Would you have a go at someone in a wheelchair because they don't walk up the stairs like everyone else?

 

[Soup]

Clearly, we Aspies must reach out to the confused NTs in our lives who mislabel us as rude people. Here's a practical solution for such situations:

1. Raise your middle finger.
2. Yell, "Go F%?K yourself!"
3. then say, " now, THAT was rude."
4. Clarify the difference between what you had said earlier & the above gesture + statement..

these 4 easy steps will enable you to inform any confused people & elucidate the differences between rudeness and a mere comment they either were not expecting or simply did not like.

*The above was an Aspie public service announcement from SOUP*

 

[Arashi222]

It is true that because we can't read people well we often come across to them as rude because we misunderstand their intentions sometimes and when we think we are just making a comment it is taken in a tone that we did not intend so maybe they are the ones that misunderstand. I find that people say I am too abrupt I interrupt and repeat myself often going on about subjects I do understand. Or I repeat when I get stuck in my scripts which people find rude when you repeat yourself.

 

[Loomis]

I have similar problems and so do most people with autistic spectrum disorders such as asperger syndrome. I'm told I speak at the wrong times, often interrupting, changing the subject and ignoring what other people are saying, going on repeating things about myself and not considering other people, I'm also told I shout and annoy people. Yes, I'm often told I've been rude and don't know how to act in social situations. What's more there's been numerous situations where I've apparently offended people and I really don't know why or what I've done wrong, it's caused me some awful situations during my life and even disciplinary problems in employment (I can't get a job any more). Once a person I was talking to disappeared and I found out the next day that he'd left disgusted at something I'd said, plus other people were very annoyed with me, especially how I acted afterwards as if I'd done nothing wrong (well I didn't know I'd done anything wrong and they apparently just didn't believe that), I was very upset as I didn't intend to offend and despite going over the evening repeatedly in my head I couldn't pinpoint anything I had done wrong and I never can. Eventually someone explained what I had said, it was a few years back and I cannot remember what I said exactly, but the person took what I'd said in a totally different context to what I meant him to, it was something totally innocent that wouldn't have upset me at all, although other people processed this in a different way to mean something different, apparently this happens a lot and I don't even know when. I am already fearful in social situations and incidents like this only dent my confidence even more and prove that I'm better off alone despite often being badgered to be more social. The thing is we don't mean to be rude, it's only rude in their eyes and it's only because we are misunderstood, if they fully understood what it was like they wouldn't complain, it does upset and annoy me. People don't understand and expect people with our disability to act "normally", then they punish us when we don't, it's really unfair. Would you have a go at someone in a wheelchair because they don't walk up the stairs like everyone else?

I completely get what you are saying. The most healthy response for you to have is to feel no remorse for how you acted. You did nothing wrong and are innocent. You should not allow a misunderstanding to cause yourself to withdraw from social situations or lose confidence in yourself. If you take responsibility for someone's misunderstanding of your actions you violate yourself unfairly. We aspies must ignore what other people think about us if we want to live a peaceful non-neurotic life.

I take responsibility for my actions if I act in bad faith and willfully do evil but if someone misunderstands me it is their problem not mine. I am perfectly willing to explain my intentions when I am misunderstood but the fact is the opportunity seldom presents itself.

 

[silent ABAB]

Yes, more recently a problem had occurred with being a tad too blunt and people took it as being rude when I had no intention of it showing as such. I simply like to speak the truth when I speak outwardly.

 

[Peter A.]

Clearly, we Aspies must reach out to the confused NTs in our lives who mislabel us as rude people. Here's a practical solution for such situations:

1. Raise your middle finger.
2. Yell, "Go F%?K yourself!"
3. then say, " now, THAT was rude."
4. Clarify the difference between what you had said earlier & the above gesture + statement..

these 4 easy steps will enable you to inform any confused people & elucidate the differences between rudeness and a mere comment they either were not expecting or simply did not like.

*The above was an Aspie public service announcement from SOUP*

I think this would actually work. I might actually do this the next time someone accuses ME of being 'rude' simply because I am open, honest and willing to stand up for what I believe in. Not meaning what you say, 'sugar-coating' the truth, 'small-talk', spreading gossip, and being illogical and unreasonable - now that is rude.

 

[Ylva]

Because of this, I tend to prefer my own company. When I don't like people, it's because "people" make unreasonable demands and — yes — are RUDE to me.

 

[DealingWithIt]

Please don't change. In my late teen years, I thought I found some friends, but what I actually found was a group of individuals who were intrigued by my strange way of speaking, acting, dressing who were determined to change and "correct" me. It took me years to find my way back to my direct forthright self and nothing good came from being silent or scared to speak for fear of hurting some one's feelings. It's better that people know where you stand, they are less annoying that way.