Playing online video games when you have Asperger’s syndrome – Reader’s Feature

[AGXStarseed]

(Not written by me)

A reader offers a very honest insight into the difficulties of making friends online when you have Asperger’s syndrome.

I wrote a Reader’s Feature a few months back about how my own personal mental health issues affect my gaming, and I very briefly touched on the difficulties of online gaming. I would like to elaborate on that this time.

I run my own training company. Every few days or so I stand in front of an audience of 20, mainly men, lorry drivers and deliver training they don’t want to do, at a time they don’t want to do it. So, it’s a tough crowd. As a former driver, I can show empathy and understanding with their situation. I can talk honestly and openly, and with a good sprinkling of humour we get through the day. The feedback I get is very good, so I must be good at communicating with people.

After a day’s graft, I like nothing more than a few hours gaming. I have the three main consoles so I don’t lack for choice. While I like to play single-player games I am not averse to playing online. This is normally Forza, Splatoon, or Mario Kart. Three games where not talking is fine, but just recently with the release of Destiny 2 that has joined the list. I have been playing that a fair amount. I have now completed the single-player part and am now on to loot hunting and character building.

The problem Is I don’t really get most of the game, and that is down to not joining in with a large number of the modes due to my own inability to chat online. This fear of speaking is only amplified because I don’t have the knowledge of the game, so I end in a vicious circle. Don’t speak, don’t learn, fear grows!

Where does this fear grow from?

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome very late in life, 40. This has given me some great attributes and some very difficult ones to live with. I have subject areas I am very comfortable with talking about and others not. Breaking into conversations where it’s on a subject I’m unsure of is very difficult. You can double this if I can’t see any kind of reaction from the person. Did they smile at my comment or pull a face as an example?

What can I do about it?

Not a lot in reality. I’m always going to have Asperger’s and more games are going online-only or have huge online elements. Find some friends? That’s a clever idea in theory but very hard in practise, as I’m back to my vicious circle. I have tried joining online groups but they can be just as bad as when gaming. Read more wikis, etc. online? I want to game not read about them.

I know there are some really decent gamers out there who love to help. My nephew has offered to help me get a handle on Destiny 2 and this is something he has done for many others as well. But it’s finding these guys and girls, where are you? I am not a bad gamer, I just say something a bit off the wall every now and then. I never mean to cause offence but in my head I think that’s what should be said at that moment. Try telling me that’s not good rather than booting me out then abusing me in messages.

There is no solution to this, but maybe try this. If you have a friend on your friends list that you see online a lot playing the same game as you but never joins in, drop them a message and invite them in. It might be all they need.

By reader Dirtystopout

Source: Playing online video games when you have Asperger's syndrome – Reader’s Feature | Metro News

 

[xudo]

This is genuinely a massive problem for me. I play Destiny 2 and don't really have any friends who play on the Xbox One (everyone I know plays on PS4) and I resolutely refuse to engage in chat with strangers.

 

[dragoncat16]

I used to do a lot of online gaming (to the point where my mom was sure I was addicted to it). For me, it was an escape from having to deal with people in real life. The problem with talking to people online is that they care about the feelings of others even less than they care when talking to someone face to face. I got burned a few times, and then I left that world. I still play the odd game (my mom still thinks I'm addicted, not like it's any of her business anyway), but my chatting is limited to stuff about the game and I don't even attempt to make any friends. If someone is a jerk to me, I don't take it personally, but just realise that person is a jerk and move on.

If I really wanted to play a new game and got lost, I would ask in the chat. There are lots of people willing to help a newb, and there is no reason to make it more personal than just talking about the game. Of course, there are lots of people who will berate a newb for being a newb, but then those are the ones that are kind enough to let you know right from the start that they are jerks, and can simply be added to your chat blacklist and you never have to hear from them again.

 

[Misery]

Yep, huge problem for me too.

There's a variety of multiplayer games I have an interest in... such as Heroes of the Storm for example... but I end up never playing them. I just cant deal with the fact that all those other characters running around are actual players rather than AI, and they require communication, might yell at me or something, and are generally unpredictable and sometimes dumber than a sack of hammers.

It's not as bad with one-on-one games... fighting games for instance... I bloody well know what I'm doing in those, and I dont have to communicate at all in them. I just do the stomping, and that's that. I only need to rely on myself, and nobody else needs to rely on me. But team games? Uuuuugh. Even with the interest I can just never seem to manage to bring myself to do them. Particularly since I'd be going into them as a new player, not knowing much yet and sure to be bashed over it.

It's pretty darned annoying. So I end up mostly just sticking to singleplayer stuff.

 

[AGXStarseed]

Yep, huge problem for me too.

There's a variety of multiplayer games I have an interest in... such as Heroes of the Storm for example... but I end up never playing them. I just cant deal with the fact that all those other characters running around are actual players rather than AI, and they require communication, might yell at me or something, and are generally unpredictable and sometimes dumber than a sack of hammers.

It's not as bad with one-on-one games... fighting games for instance... I bloody well know what I'm doing in those, and I dont have to communicate at all in them. I just do the stomping, and that's that. I only need to rely on myself, and nobody else needs to rely on me. But team games? Uuuuugh. Even with the interest I can just never seem to manage to bring myself to do them. Particularly since I'd be going into them as a new player, not knowing much yet and sure to be bashed over it.

It's pretty darned annoying. So I end up mostly just sticking to singleplayer stuff.

Considering some of the videos I've seem of people raging in games - whether its because they suck and blame everyone/everything else for it, because their team members are betraying them/not doing what they want, or because they just want to act like complete dicks - I'd say your concerns are well warranted.
I remember reading a comment from you previously about something similar happening when I posted some of those videos in a different discussion (last thing that made you think or shout "WTF?!"):

Hm, quite a number of these are Youtubers that are specifically known for doing this. As in, it's their whole thing.

Which I guess is part of the problem with Youtube: You can never entirely tell if stuff like this is real or not, if you dont know the origin of the video in question.

However.... sure doesnt mean it doesnt happen. I've watched people pull this crap in person. Had one guy at a convention do something like this, I was playing against him in a fighting game, and his constant comments were getting on my nerves; stuff about how he was going to "put me in my place" or things of that nature. So basically, he was kinda nasty right from the start. Eventually my patience snaps, so I go all-out in-game (and I'm pretty much silent otherwise), and he didnt have a chance in the last match, and he knew it. After this, because he was sucking the fun out of it, I decided that enough was enough, and stood up to go find someone less angry to play with. Denied revenge, he jumps up, shrieks an f-bomb at the top of his lungs, launches the controller (which wasnt his) at a wall, and stalks out of the game room. This is at a convention, which means a big room that was CROWDED. All of this over a game. I wish I was making this up, it's so bloody stupid. And of course there's much worse than that out there.

Honestly this is one of the reasons why I have so much trouble with the idea of multiplayer games lately. I'm terrible socially in the best of situations, but having to deal with people shrieking at me or whatever? Makes me not want to do those games in the first place, so lately I just plain havent. Why deal with that kind of crap when I could do something else?

I really dont understand though why people like that keep going at any given game if all it is doing is making them angry. What the heck is the point?