• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Please help :S

L

Luisnoel

New Member
Hello ladies and gents,

I need your advice. Please note i am new here and mean no disrespect.

My boyfriend (who is an aspie) and i have been dating for 7 months and been bestfriends for 2 years.

We've had our issues and have managed to work through them (his disinterest in sex,low self esteem, our depression..)

My boyfriend wants to end the relationship because he feels i deserve better, he wants to figure out things on his own and remain friends. I dont i think i can be his friends (not right away at least) but i dont want to give up on him either. He has told me that he loves me and that he knows this is the biggest mistake he is going to make and regret. That the only thing keeping him from running back to me is the fact that if he did (according to him)we would end up hating each other.

From what i have read online, this is normal for people within the spectrum. Is it ok for me to call it out? Do i just give him the time off?

Please help,
Luis
 
He thinks you deserve better, that means he's looking out for you, don't knock it, not many blokes would be that considerate, especially us Aspies who are known for lack of empathy.

I think, don't break it off with him completely, just have a bit of a break from the relationship, and come back when you both feel stronger.
 
Thank you.

It has been hard on both of us, im just having a hard time gauging whether or not he wants me to wait or not. I get mixed signals from him. He says he is not ready for me yet and that he is not the man i deserve yet while telling me not to wait for him..
 
Please listen to him, and give him the space he is asking for. He might be confused and needs time to think things over. Or he might be considering that your relationship is not what he wants.

This sort of thing happens to everyone in relationships, and is NOT an aspie only issue. Respect him, and allow him to figure things out.
 
It has nothing to do with being on the spectrum. His words are right out of the Neurotypical Manuel of how to politely sugar coat things when you want to leave your partner. People on the Spectrum are if anything much more blunt.
 
See thats the thing. He has been blunt with me all along, this is why it is so confusing to me. I understand where you guys are coming from and i plan on giving him his space. However, with his display of honesty throughout the entire relationship. This doesnt add up... this is why im frustrated. If he truly doesnt want me around he would have told me that, he has in the past(and comes back a few weeks after he feels better) but he has never lead me on.
 
Maybe he has found someone else, or wants to explore the field. Usually, that is behind the “Your are too good for me,” line. Usually means that they have found other partners, or other social groups, or, he has doubts (or guilt) about his sexuality, or any number of other issues. He is not sure he wants to sever connections with you, as that would be too finite, and too much change. He probably does love you! Which is why he cannot easily sever the ties with you.

This is very common, what you explain.
 
Agreed. Give him some space just to see what happens. He may come back, or he may have already gravitated to someone else- or no one at all.

Space may not solve your problem, but it's likely to illuminate whatever the issue really is.
 
"....the only thing keeping him from running back to me is the fact that if he did (according to him)we would end up hating each other."

And why would that be?
Did he say?
 
Well he came over today. Thanks for all the info guys. He explained that he needs to learn to take carw of himself however, in order to do that he needs to remove the person that has been helping him. So we are taking some time off to figure things out and grow a little.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom