Please, Help.

[Geena]

My daughter is 18 and she's been with a nice young man who is 22 for 2 years. The very first time I met him, I found him so sweet but so very odd and I actually said to myself, "Does this boy have autism?" But then getting to know him and

 

[Catana]

I can't offer any advice about what to do, but it sounds as if he's been doing his best to play the social role and finally couldn't do it any more. If he's autistic. But that's pure guesswork, which is all you're going to get here, not knowing either of the people. If this "new" personality is really how he is, and your daughter can't cope with it, I don't see any future for the relationship. And I don't really see any real evidence that he's autistic. He could just be a manipulative asshole with psychological problems.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

What's your daughters take on it?

 

[Bergina Isbell]

I remember seeing something once that says< "When a person shows you who you really are, pay attention." Behavior speaks and we need to listen to it. Consider taking stock of what your main concern is and then sharing your concern with your daughter.

My daughter is 18 and she's been with a nice young man who is 22 for 2 years. The very first time I met him, I found him so sweet but so very odd and I actually said to myself, "Does this boy have autism?" But then getting to know him and certain things he's shared I realized that no, he just had severe anxiety and those sort of issues. He was fantastic dealing with my daughter, who is a bit of a princess and can be super difficult. Over time, my daughter really fell in love with him.

Long story short, a few months ago it's like something snapped and he hasn't been his "old self" since. He has these ridiculous demands, for instance, that he doesn't have to be "lovey dovey" because it isn't the beginning anymore and "those things stop anyway," he also says things like "he's the man and he calls the shots" but beyond that he has stopped saying I love you, stopped doing thoughtful things, unfriended me from Facebook because he is offended by something I said to him in october (so he unfriended me in February)...he claims he wakes up every morning and it's the first thing he thinks about.

Also my daughter says he never cuddles, he hates it actually, if she plays around with him he'll yell at her that she's hurt him, he's very mechanical in bed ...like a robot and not very human, he'll yell at her if she doesn't do what he wants, sometimes he'll even pinch her or pull her hair a little bit.

I've said for quite a few months now...I cannot figure him out. NO matter how hard I try i cannot get him--then I started doing some research and have been looking more and more into asperges's. He has no friends, and can be very awkward...but my daughter loves him. If they can figure things out she doesn't want to leave him...he has potential to be kind because he was kind in the past (or was that just fake?) and he's a hard worker, has a good family, but I don't want my daughter to be subjected to a life similar to what she's living now--where he'll withhold love and affection because he's upset with her.

Please...someone give me their best advice. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I

 

[Bolletje]

When a person shows you who you really are, pay attention."

It was the great Maya Angelou, going “ When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” and I couldn’t agree more. It’s actions that count, not words. And although I have to say that it weirds me out a little that your daughter talks to you about how her boyfriend is in bed (but to each her own), I don’t think this sounds like a healthy relationship. I also don’t think this sounds like textbook autism, more like asshattery.

 

[Bolletje]

Well, that’s an interesting edit.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Well, that’s an interesting edit.

Indeed.

 

[SusanLR]

Sounds to me like some I've known that has grown tired
of the relationship or found someone else and wants to move on.
Their way of bringing on the " time to break it off" news.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Sounds to me like some I've known that has grown tired
of the relationship or found someone else and wants to move on.
Their way of bringing on the " time to break it off" news.

Original message is there in Berginas post.