** PleasE_JudgE_My_ShorT_DatinG_ProfilE_And_Final PicS **

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

The question's in the title, below is the dating profile I plan to use (it might be subject to much improvement or scrutiny from you guys, but it's significantly shorter than the first one I used last year for a while). You guys also helped me choose profile pics last year and recently I had more added by opinions on another forum (plus several more I've yet to get opinions on, just to add some photographic variety on the several sites I'll appear on soon). Photo is below to (or the link), please comment and offer any suggestions if you can. Thanks.


So what to write, what to write?
Ok well I know this is a cut throat world for guys online dating so here’s a little about me;


I have a fairly unknown type of job within retail, so I travel a lot around East Anglia and London doing activities in all kinds of businesses ~(mainly stores) on behalf of different clients/companies. These jobs have really developed my interest and dependency on cars, because I need a comfortable, reliable fantastic car to get me around to all these stores and that’s why I’ve got a customized car for the job, which I love driving and have some probable world record breaking additions/changes to make to it in due course, the kind that’ll turn heads.
And a little about me personally, well I’m a kind caring guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, has good listening skills with many strong opinions, is to this day close to his family (who are all very important to me), longs for a little adventure in his life and loves things like films (looking forward to Star Wars and Jurassic World this year), television (Big bang theory, Britain’s got talent and Eastenders etc) walks/hikes (I can think of some fairly nice places to go to for a first date), photography, history and so on.


So anyway, if you like my smile, want a flutter with a nutter or long for someone whom (for better or worse) stands out from this turbulent ocean of choices, then drop me a chat line and say hello.

 

[Tia Maria]

I will come back here later ... but just a quick reminder that I think it might have been Slithytoves (?) who offered awhile back to help you create a dating profile. She is currently on vacation/holiday until maybe next week. I would recommend you let her take a look at it before posting it as she might have some special insights.

Btw I think your pictures are great! Very handsome, & also very friendly & happy looking.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I will come back here later ... but just a quick reminder that I think it might have been Slithytoves (?) who offered awhile back to help you create a dating profile. She is currently on vacation/holiday until maybe next week. I would recommend you let her take a look at it before posting it as she might have some special insights.

Btw I think your pictures are great! Very handsome, & also very friendly & happy looking.

Yer I had remembered that offer which I planned to take her up on anyway (I'm surprised you backtracked through my previous post tio find this offer though).
Thanks for the vote of confidence and compliment with the pics too, most of them had an overwhelming majority (quite big numbers) of votes for them over other less popular ones.

Oh and do you know Slithytoves then or do you know she's good at that kinda thing, it seemed to almost be a recommendation as much as a reminder?

 

[Tia Maria]

Yer I had remembered that offer which I planned to take her up on anyway (I'm surprised you backtracked through my previous post tio find this offer though).
Thanks for the vote of confidence and compliment with the pics too, most of them had an overwhelming majority (quite big numbers) of votes for them over other less popular ones.

Oh and do you know Slithytoves then or do you know she's good at that kinda thing, it seemed to almost be a recommendation as much as a reminder?

Re. Slithytoves offer .... I didn't back track through your posts, I had just remembered her offer from when I had seen your original post asking members to rate your pictures. (I have no idea why I remembered that!) I didn't 'vote' on your pictures at the time because you already received a lot of input that I also agreed with.

I do not 'know' Slithytoves personally, but being familiar with her posts & communications here on AC, I find her to be intelligent with good life experience, & I trust her judgment well enough to believe that if she offered to help you with your dating profile she must believe she could add value to your effort, so I would trust that she likely could.

Since you are actively seeking assistance, I just wanted to remind you of her offer on the slight chance you had forgotten about it. And yes, even recommend or suggest that you take up her kind offer as it may be to your benefit. (But of course that is up to you.) As I mentioned, she is away on vacation so may not see your subject post for another week or more, & I wasn't sure if you were aware of her current absence.

I was simply trying to help you out because I assumed from your multiple posts on the subject that finding a compatible girlfriend though your online dating profile is kind of important to you.

I think your dating profile is very good but I am not an 'expert' so hopefully some other members will chime in! Again, I do think your pictures are very nice & reflect a handsome & cheerful young man which should be attractive to young women.

I am a very happily married adult NT woman & wish you the absolute best with your search! You are young & have a lot of positives going for you, so I would think the odds of you eventually meeting someone special should be very high.

 

[JuniperBug]

I think it's great. Good luck!

I also think picture 1 is the best and it should be your main photo for whatever site this is for. Picture 2 is also great because it shows that you like to go do things.

 

[kris]

I have dated online quite a bit the past year or so.. I think you have a nice profile. I'd say maybe space it out a bit more.. huge paragraphs can be a little overwhelming and I tend to gloss over them when reading profiles.

I might also suggest adding a little bit about what specifically you are looking for..I always liked that because my own profile was pretty sparse and I could tell easier if I thought that person might work for me before messaging them. If they stated they were looking for a clubbing partner, I had no reason to message them.. but if they wanted a running partner then hells yeah.

Good luck! And don't get discouraged!! Just try to enjoy it and use it as a chance to get to know people you otherwise never would have met.. that was my favorite part about it. I had 2 really fun short relationships from OK cupid (who have now turned into good friends if not dating partners) and now going on three months with the current one...just taking it a day at a time.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I have dated online quite a bit the past year or so.. I think you have a nice profile. I'd say maybe space it out a bit more.. huge paragraphs can be a little overwhelming and I tend to gloss over them when reading profiles.

I might also suggest adding a little bit about what specifically you are looking for..I always liked that because my own profile was pretty sparse and I could tell easier if I thought that person might work for me before messaging them. If they stated they were looking for a clubbing partner, I had no reason to message them.. but if they wanted a running partner then hells yeah.

Good luck! And don't get discouraged!! Just try to enjoy it and use it as a chance to get to know people you otherwise never would have met.. that was my favorite part about it. I had 2 really fun short relationships from OK cupid (who have now turned into good friends if not dating partners) and now going on three months with the current one...just taking it a day at a time.

Well kris , hows this looking ???????

What to write, what to write?
Ok, I know this is a cut throat world for guys online dating so here’s a little about me;

I have a fairly unknown type of job within retail and travel a lot around East Anglia and London doing activities in all kinds of retail stores. These jobs have really developed my interest and dependency on cars, because I need a comfortable, reliable fantastic car to get me around to all these stores and that’s why I’ve got a customized car for the job, which I love driving and have some probable world record breaking additions to make in due course, the kind that’ll turn heads.

I’m a kind caring guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, has good listening skills with many strong opinions, is to this day close to his family (who are all very important to me) and longs for a little adventure in his life with a special someone.

Interests; Film & TV (looking forward to Star Wars and Jurassic World this year, Big bang theory, Britain’s got talent, Eastenders, Marvel + D.C stuff), Long walks/drives (I can think of some fairly nice places to go for a first date), Gaming, Electronic music (Trance, DnB, New Age etc), Photography, History and I'll tell more in later conversations perhaps.

The kind of woman I'm after is nigh on impossible to describe without incorrectly implying that it's limited to one ethnicity, body or personality type. I guess I can say that on a physical level I lean more towards average and the larger ladies, Indian women and ideally someone sharing common interests with me and whom doesn't give up easily.

So anyway, if you like my smile, want a flutter with a nutter or long for someone whom (for better or worse) stands out from this turbulent ocean of choices, then drop me a chat line and say hello.

 

[kris]

Well kris , hows this looking ???????

What to write, what to write?
Ok, I know this is a cut throat world for guys online dating so here’s a little about me;

I have a fairly unknown type of job within retail and travel a lot around East Anglia and London doing activities in all kinds of retail stores. These jobs have really developed my interest and dependency on cars, because I need a comfortable, reliable fantastic car to get me around to all these stores and that’s why I’ve got a customized car for the job, which I love driving and have some probable world record breaking additions to make in due course, the kind that’ll turn heads.

I’m a kind caring guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, has good listening skills with many strong opinions, is to this day close to his family (who are all very important to me) and longs for a little adventure in his life with a special someone.

Interests; Film & TV (looking forward to Star Wars and Jurassic World this year, Big bang theory, Britain’s got talent, Eastenders, Marvel + D.C stuff), Long walks/drives (I can think of some fairly nice places to go for a first date), Gaming, Electronic music (Trance, DnB, New Age etc), Photography, History and I'll tell more in later conversations perhaps.

The kind of woman I'm after is nigh on impossible to describe without incorrectly implying that it's limited to one ethnicity, body or personality type. I guess I can say that on a physical level I lean more towards average and the larger ladies, Indian women and ideally someone sharing common interests with me and whom doesn't give up easily.

So anyway, if you like my smile, want a flutter with a nutter or long for someone whom (for better or worse) stands out from this turbulent ocean of choices, then drop me a chat line and say hello.

I would totally reply to that

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

You have to add somewhere in there the love of cats and lasers. ALL women love cats and lasers, it's a scentific fact. Just sneak it in there. "I like hiking, cars, cats, lasers, cats with lasers, laser cats, ...."

They will Google cats with lasers and the part of the women brain that was created at birth to love cats with lasers will become active.

Please note: when I wrote scientific fact I really ment to write "wishful thinking on my part" .

 

[Tia Maria]

I'll critique your profile from an NT point of view (my view as I would be thinking as I read it.)

Take the car stuff out - sounds like you're too much into frivolous things and superficial. Plus it's the first topic you discuss. Honestly, I would have stopped reading after that paragraph.

Talk more about your interests of what you like to do first. Actually, put second paragraph as your opening paragraph. Then mention just the highlights of your job, education. I think less information the better. You want to have something to talk about when they answer.

What is a flutter with a nutter? Is her heart supposed to flutter cause you're a nut?

I disagree (sorry!). I think it is best to be straightforward & honest, & be yourself .... because there's really no point in attracting someone based on good 'marketing' who will not be a good fit with the real person. Sometimes less is more. Quality versus quantity. i.e.; meaning in the people who reply to your dating profile.

Better to have 5 people reply who like the real you as presented in your profile, versus 20 people who might like the profile but not the real you because you tweaked your profile to possibly attract the most people. Just my opinion.

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

My profile is simple.


You like cats?

You like lasers?

You like cats with lasers?

Let's skip the formalities of further introductions and hit the town.

Please note: no laser pointer will be used in public due to the rudeness and possible local laws prohibiting the use of said laser pointers.

Please also note: no cats will be harmed in any cat laser, laser cat display that may or may not happen.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Cut out that first paragraph.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I'll critique your profile from an NT point of view (my view as I would be thinking as I read it.)

Take the car stuff out - sounds like you're too much into frivolous things and superficial. Plus it's the first topic you discuss. Honestly, I would have stopped reading after that paragraph.

Talk more about your interests of what you like to do first. Actually, put second paragraph as your opening paragraph. Then mention just the highlights of your job, education. I think less information the better. You want to have something to talk about when they answer.

What is a flutter with a nutter? Is her heart supposed to flutter cause you're a nut?

Ok so first to answer a few points, I think I agree with you about the car stuff and moving the 'about me' section to the top. Less could be better (although as you'll find out when you read further below in this post, bad luck follows me whatever I put). My thinking though was that I needed to give the person who's responding to my initial message (because lets face it, girls rarely ever message first) some things to talk about to initiate a conversation, although it doesn't matter in the end because irrespective of the quality of the conversation (and for a while they can all go good for variable lengths) it's always me....ALWAYS... that has not initiate a message, I'm the chaser and if I didn't try messaging the interested person after they'd actually responded to my first message, then they'd just not bother.
Flutter with a nutter was just a silly mostly (but not entirely) meaningless rhyme I came up with.

Oh! And the Cat thing Chris mentioned, great advice cause I love cats. Mentioning anything about a pet would be a definite plus!

I have rats, they're lovely and cute, but too much of an erroneous stigma comes with them so I can't see girls loving that and to mention a cat otherwise would just be a lie.

I disagree (sorry!). I think it is best to be straightforward & honest, & be yourself .... because there's really no point in attracting someone based on good 'marketing' who will not be a good fit with the real person. Sometimes less is more. Quality versus quantity. i.e.; meaning in the people who reply to your dating profile.

Better to have 5 people reply who like the real you as presented in your profile, versus 20 people who might like the profile but not the real you because you tweaked your profile to possibly attract the most people. Just my opinion.

Unfortunately there's 2 things wrong with what you said (and I really wish there wasn't). 1) Girls virtually never send the opening message, they lazily await message and presumably reject all but a select few (the last part I don't have a problem with). 2) I personally would be lucky to get more than one reply (without having sent a message first) and thus far ALL those that have (one of which I dated for a couple of months, my only girlfriend ever) have all been (in my own opinion) ugly and hold no physical appeal.

Cut out that first paragraph.

Agreed.

I disagree with your disagree.
I'll up the ante and bet you the car information will only attract gold diggers.

I'll lower the ante and bet you that nobody cares enough about me to try, period.

Oh and Christopher Nicholson , your profile looks somewhat funny and all, but I could just see a girl reading it only to end it with "what??".

After what happened today I partly feel like such a useless idiot and if that wasn't bad enough, my own gift (of understanding things and seeing things others can't) was turned against me because I discovered something about myself I wish wasn't true that almost brought me to tears for a brief time. It's an issue for another thread because I can't function properly without the advice of the majority.

Oh and here's the revised profile I came up with, although this truth I discovered may force me to permanently end this pointlessness I think because my 'unique aspieness' may make me doomed to repeat certain mistakes . I'll explain this later for anyone who cares to know.

What to write, what to write?
Ok, I know this is a cut throat world for guys online dating so here’s to hoping I've got this sussed. Oh and I appreciate ladies requesting no pervs or guys after one night stands etc...my request to you out of mutual respect is that I often put thought and effort into to all my messages I send out, they're not recycled cliques and I mean everything I say in them, even if you're still not interested afterwards.

ABOUT ME
I’m a kind caring guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, has good listening skills with many strong and unique opinions, is to this day close to his family (who are important to me...always) and longs for a little adventure in his life with a special someone.
I have a fairly unknown type of job within retail and travel a lot around East Anglia and London doing activities in all kinds of retail stores and I love not being confined to one place.

SOME INTERESTS
Film & TV (looking forward to Star Wars and Jurassic World, Big bang theory, Britain’s got talent, Eastenders, Marvel + D.C)
Long walks/drives (I can think of some fairly nice places to go for a first date)
Gaming (retro as well as modern)
Electronic music (Trance, DnB, New Age etc),
Photography
History
Cars (to accommodate my high dependency it's customized, love driving it and will eventually have two world records to add, I hope)

LOOKING FOR
The kind of woman I'm after is nigh on impossible to describe without incorrectly implying that it's limited to one ethnicity, body or personality type. I guess I can say that on a physical level I lean more towards average and the larger ladies, Indian women and ideally someone sharing common interests with me and whom doesn't give up easily.

So anyway, if you like my smile, want a flutter with a nutter or long for someone whom (for better or worse) stands out from this turbulent ocean of choices, then drop me a chat line and say hello.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I won't offer specific advice about your profile because I generally believe that people's tastes vary so widely; what I might find off-putting someone else might love! So, I agree with Tia Maria's earlier advice to be honest about who you are and what you care about.

Just wanted to say that it sounds like you've had a difficult day, and for that, I'm genuinely sorry. We are here if you'd like to get anything off your chest.

Dating is so difficult--for everyone, and in different ways--and despite all of the hype, those difficulties are often not alleviated by the online environment. Though the amount of strategy that goes into the dating "game" may not be wildly different between traditional vs. online dating, I certainly think some of its effects are more acutely felt when you're literally faced with a bunch of online profiles and asked to assess, choose, date.

As for a woman's perspective on online dating, I'll say that women probably get MANY more messages than men; I tried it once a couple years ago, and I deleted my profile after less than a week because I was so overwhelmed with the number of messages I was receiving per day. So, this probably factors VERY heavily into what you're experiencing, in terms of lack of initiating or getting responses. So, I hope you don't immediately assume that it is because you have done something "wrong."

Just like in traditional dating, a lot of online dating comes down to luck and patience. Hang in there!

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

Back in the early day before lasers, like 1700's, the only way to get your fill of cats and lasers was cats and candles. So, if you need to tone your profile down a tad, and the cats and lasers is too much, maybe cats and candles?

 

[royinpink]

Just my opinion, but maybe keep out any "type" of woman you want because the "right" one might look the opposite of what you want. I wouldn't close any doors since you said that you don't get many replies.

Agree with this. It would put me off that a guy had a physical 'type'. Better to stick to personality/interests.

 

[royinpink]

I really have no idea what happened. I read the image before that post apparently got deleted. It seemed like there was a girl who was interested you but wasn't interested in something you said, you thought that was a bigger problem than it was, she tried to make you feel comfortable again by making a joke about it, you missed the joke and got more anxious, which frustrated her because then she felt like she could never get you to relax. Is that right? 'Cause if so, you weren't doing so bad at all. It sucks, 'cause a situation that was salvageable got bungled. But it's not the end of the world. Seems like it would be a lot easier if you were upfront about your ASD, though, 'cause the girl had no idea what was making her well-intentioned comments fall flat.

As for the rest of what got deleted, I've no idea. But speaking for myself, I'm not out to get you, and I think you're doing fine. I hope you feel better enough to come back later and don't give up.

 

[kris]

I just wanted to chime in, too.. seems like things got a little nuts here.. and wanted to say hope you're feeling better soon, too.

And wanted to echo that it might be better to be upfront about the ASD.. I went back and forth between putting my own ASD in my profile versus not mentioning it when I was online.. it was kind of a crap shoot the kind of responses I'd get having it in there explicitly. A couple of dates I went on were incredibly uncomfortable because the other person kept drilling me about what it was like to be on the spectrum. Those dates quickly ended and didn't get any sort of follow up contact. I also got a lot of messages saying "I don't think we'd be a good match but you seem really cool and hope you're having a great day".. which I thought was totally weird because I didn't get any of those when it wasn't in my profile. But I do think the overall quality of response I got was better when I was upfront about it. I know it's an incredibly personal choice about being upfront with strangers online.. ultimately I decided I didn't care if strangers I didn't know saw it on a profile since they didn't have any other information about me. My current partner saw it in my profile and the only thing he's said about it was that he has a gal pal with HFA..we never had a "discussion" about it. I think the general consensus here though is that people don't say anything about their ASD for quite a while, if at all...so it's certainly not out of line to leave it out. Clear as mud, right? And I know it's harder on you guys out there than it is for us girls.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I really have no idea what happened. I read the image before that post apparently got deleted. It seemed like there was a girl who was interested you but wasn't interested in something you said, you thought that was a bigger problem than it was, she tried to make you feel comfortable again by making a joke about it, you missed the joke and got more anxious, which frustrated her because then she felt like she could never get you to relax. Is that right? 'Cause if so, you weren't doing so bad at all. It sucks, 'cause a situation that was salvageable got bungled. But it's not the end of the world. Seems like it would be a lot easier if you were upfront about your ASD, though, 'cause the girl had no idea what was making her well-intentioned comments fall flat.

As for the rest of what got deleted, I've no idea. But speaking for myself, I'm not out to get you, and I think you're doing fine. I hope you feel better enough to come back later and don't give up.

Yer I just get upset far more easily than I used to before I was susceptible to depression and anxiety (although there always seems to be a build-up towards emotional breakdowns) and although it was only one person who made me out to be this nasty thoughtless person, I just don't want everyone I talk to thinking that because I seem to have aspie traits that few or no others do (or they're just better concealed in others) in that I never ever set out to offend anyone (nor was the comment she quoted an exception, as I literally just meant that his was clear aspie thinking, no negatives intended) but the words can be misinterpreted to be seen that way. Most people usually know not to take offense to it and if there was an off button for it then I'd consider pressing it at times maybe. The problem is though that you can't just expect people to be understanding enough to always forgive or overlook and it's even worse when you're not there in person to rectify it.

I just wanted to chime in, too.. seems like things got a little nuts here.. and wanted to say hope you're feeling better soon, too.

And wanted to echo that it might be better to be upfront about the ASD.. I went back and forth between putting my own ASD in my profile versus not mentioning it when I was online.. it was kind of a crap shoot the kind of responses I'd get having it in there explicitly. A couple of dates I went on were incredibly uncomfortable because the other person kept drilling me about what it was like to be on the spectrum. Those dates quickly ended and didn't get any sort of follow up contact. I also got a lot of messages saying "I don't think we'd be a good match but you seem really cool and hope you're having a great day".. which I thought was totally weird because I didn't get any of those when it wasn't in my profile. But I do think the overall quality of response I got was better when I was upfront about it. I know it's an incredibly personal choice about being upfront with strangers online.. ultimately I decided I didn't care if strangers I didn't know saw it on a profile since they didn't have any other information about me. My current partner saw it in my profile and the only thing he's said about it was that he has a gal pal with HFA..we never had a "discussion" about it. I think the general consensus here though is that people don't say anything about their ASD for quite a while, if at all...so it's certainly not out of line to leave it out. Clear as mud, right? And I know it's harder on you guys out there than it is for us girls.

Yer you got that last part right (in spite of the acknowledged difficulties women would have too). For me I just see aspie traits in women (like apparently so many things) as being sexy and seeing as how you've got that gorgeous redhead (or is it light brown?) nice-girl look about you I'd imagine you'd get plenty of offers. I may be less intimidated by aspie girls, but it doesn't mean that they too wouldn't see me (not that I do it really often) as being offensive through misinterpreting something I've said like yesterday. Typically I only compliment people if it's genuine and I try as hard as I can to conceal anything which I believe might be offensive, but it doesn't guarantee that things won't be said from time to time and if I work too hard on filtering them, there's too little left of 'me' in what I say or do, which'd probably depress me more.

 

[NTgirl4276]

hi. I hope you're feeling a little better this morning. I saw the images before they were deleted, and I also saw all the posts in this thread before some were deleted, too. things certainly took a turn, and I can understand if you felt overwhelmed after an already difficult day.

as for the messages with the potential date online, I'd gently suggest that you try (I know it's hard, believe me!) to see it in a different light. Surely, it's instinctual to feel disappointed if multiple women are turning you down...

But, there's always a way to see that as a positive. For all of its flaws, the one undeniable positive about online dating is its efficiency. Whereas traditional dating can take weeks or months to find out that a couple isn't fundamentally compatible, online dating can suss that out very quickly (by listing objective characteristics like religious affiliation, political beliefs, etc.) and save you a lot of time. If people are being honest (which both you and that woman seemed to be, about your reactions to the joking at least), it is so easy to "weed out" the non-contenders from the contenders. It seems like that's what this woman was doing; she recognized that you might be sensitive about certain things, she is not, and it might be a clear signal to her that a relationship might not be ideal.

So, instead of seeing it as "Oh man, another woman who's not into me," how about, "Whew, there's another one I can cross off the list" as you get closer and closer to narrowing it down and finding someone compatible?