Poems

[krackerz1590]

the pain that hurt
i thought after now
would GO or heal
somehow

i wanted to prove everyone wrong
and for once in my life
become STRONG

i cling to hope
that's all i've got
not really,not alot

i have nothing
nothing at all
i sit and watch
all those people
but there is one
catch

i'll fight 'this thing'
'til the end
i don't find socialising easy
or making friends

i call,no-one hears
it all falls on 'deaf ears'
pushing me to deeper tears

but then no-one reaches
out a hand
i pull and i push

and am left with despair
the whole world seems to zone out not care
the hurt comes back
when you think no-ones there

i have such 'a fall'
just fear and worry someday
very soon
no one will call at all!!!

 

[krackerz1590]

i want to scream,shout....
but no,nothing at all
will come out

i push it all deep inside
so secretly ,it can hide
the hurt and pain
again and again

i DON'T want all this to be TRUE
and me feeling the way
in which i do
BLUE

i am very confused
frustrated
it's SO complicated
in which it seems

the unrecognised years
but the fear and anger
i feel
is nothing, but ONE HUGE
thing
but REAL

the past is like a shard of broken dangerous glass
slithery and slimy
dirty and grimy

hurt continues on and on
'til loves no more
but HATE
got stranded
forgotten
got no mates

but bullies instead
cowards,go ahead
the life i had
the life i was so
GLAD to once and for
all leave behind

or thought i did ....
'til i could not trust no more
all i wanted to do
was to walk out that door

i gave up said no more
i found out i have a condition
called A.S
i know and think i TRY to be the BEST
like all 'the normal rest'

but i CAN'T
i find it SO HARD
to keep same distance
within a blimin' yard

A.S wouldn't have it
neither would the past
i have to admit to myself truly
this will always forever last

the strong feelings i feel
and know now forever will

 

[krackerz1590]

autism makes you feel and think jealous
autism doesn't STOP and THINK it's CARELESS
makes us speak " i HATE that dress? how do i clean up and get rid of this awful,dreadful dangerous mess"
i wish make me FEARLESS of living life instead of POWERLESS

 

[krackerz1590]

Having A.S could be seen as one GREAT mass mess
i think it could be one growing cress
our minds are like one big mind play of chess
how did i think why i have 'this crazy mess?'
what did i do to deserve this?
i hate it ,grates at same time
blocked up with 'endless' grime
who are you to dare begin to say this is mine!?

 

[krackerz1590]

alot of people have helped me
in many ways
to guiding me to the way
i don't know called " suriviving"
the LOVE and CARE
that my parents and family have and has shown
so much throughout my life
causing me to get on
and lead 'the normal life'
survive
it's THANKS to them all
i am who i am!
and i'm grateful truly i am
i can NEVER repay 'them' or love them enough
i've been through ALOT in MY LIFE
and COME OUT ' THE OTHER SIDE!'
YES,PLEASE LOOK NOW
I'VE SURVIVED!!!

 

[krackerz1590]

i was alone
in my own private zone
scared and afraid
i kept quiet- lost frustrated and confused
feeling 'stolen' somewhat 'bruised' by it all
surprised why i didn't feel important or tall?!
if looked closely at the facts i felt tinnier than small
i didn't have 'a loud voice' to speak out and shout
back then i had 'nothing' of an opinion of a choice
i didn't mind or care
blanked out as if i wasn't even living or cared
because i worked out i wasn't someone special
by being there
i was that someone 'who closed their eyes'
to used ,dropped abused
why should i tell anyone?!
when i wanted to sell!
who?
ME
and guess what all because of one system's fault that was down to YOU!

 

[benjimanbreeg]

I'm Gonna Organise Some Changes In My Life
I'm Gonna Exorcise The Demons Of My Past
I'm Gonna Take The Car And Hit The Open Road
I'm Feeling Ready To Just Open Up And Go!

And I Just Feel I Can Be Anything...
That I Might ever wish To Be
And Find Myself Just Where I Wanna Be
Make My Wildest Dreams Come True!

CHORUS
I'm On My Way!
Out On My Own Again
I'm On My Way!
Out On The Road Again

When I Remember Back To How Bad Things Just Used To Be
And I Was Stuck Inside a Shroud Of Misery
I Found I'd Disappeared So Deep Inside Myself
I Couldn't Find a Way To Break Away the Hell

When I'm Feeling Down And Low
I vow I'll Never Be The Same Again
I Just Remember What I Am
And Visualise Just What I'm Gonna Be

CHORUS
I´m On My Way!
Out On My Own Again
I´m On My Way!
I'm Gonna Break Away

(Instrumental)

I'm Gonna Break Away!
I'm Out On My Own
I'm Out On My Own!
Gonna Break Away
Breaking Away!


CHORUS
I´m On My Way!
Out On My Own Again
I´m On My Way!
Out On The Road Again
I´m On My Way!
Out On My Own Again
I´m On My Way!
I'm Gonna Break Away

 

[krackerz1590]

why at skool....?
was i not kool>>>?
why at skool...?
did NO-ONE 'stand up and play ball'
NO-ONE AT ALL!
all i can ask is WHY!
why was i known to everyone as 'STUPID' as bad
something i NEVER COULD have!
while my peers running around playground playing kiss kiss chase
i was yet again questioning and wondering was it me that's JUST STUPID and what is STUPID?
did i CAUSE the STUPID?
it must be ME because EVERYONE CAN SEE for sure!
eventua;;y years later realising shook me and my family to the pure core!
so why did i crave me feeling confused and lost
yet BEGGING to HELP and SAVE ME maybe!
so many tears shed known to 'outsiders' as dread
wish i COULD run away
fake ,pretend or end up DEAD!
all i felt was FEAR
when yet again it happen this time stepped up fast level and gear
felt like a fool ,clown
remarks punches put me 'down'
messed me around
sent me out
called me a naughty mindless lout
always questioned,wondered WHY?!
i'd talk to the sky
to find out the true answers to my painful cry mixed with a sigh
SO please next time ...DON'T question me Don't let it JUST BE!
as the clear black and blue truth is quite plain to see!

 

[krackerz1590]

thinking about professionally publishing a poem book with all my AS/MH poems in it so need you help in commenting feedback is important part of me writing that you can connect and understanding the meaning behind each one ....???!!! please HELP! i'm desperate to know what other AS's think of my work if they like how good they think it is whether they can match up with their life experiences at all???!!!

 

[benjimanbreeg]

I think maybe you should keep them in one thread
I don't mean to upset you with what I just said

 

[Emor]

You can try if you want, but in all honesty, from what I've read, while at very good quality, your poetry's depressing.
There's simply not that much of a market. People pick up books full of poems and read one to make them feel better or something. People don't really pick up a book and put it down when they want to feel depressed sort of thing.
If people want to read a depressing piece of content they're more likely to buy some sort of love novel or w.e.
Maybe it's a better idea to write a book about AS with a depressing theme? I'd definitely buy it.
Don't get me wrong, it is genuinely good, and by all means try, I just think you'd be better investing your time in writing a book rather than a bunch of poems. There's simply no market .
I do like them though. I can relate. I just don't like commenting on these poems because I seem dumb because half the words I don't know the meaning of . LOL.
EMZ=]

 

[krackerz1590]

i just want to people see hidden serious topics /subjects behind the words in my poems to make people realise how people struggle DIDN'T mean to make them depressing just trying make world understand consequences to certain situations they put us under my poems like a diary to me and as i suffer with depression that probably why they seem so dark miserable!!! i find easier to write stuff down in this form to be honest!

 

[benjimanbreeg]

I understand whats your name?

 

[krackerz1590]

that's why wrote poems instead of book as thought lots of autism/AS books out there i wanted to explain my life experiences i been through in what i thought was different interesting way that connect with society surprised and shocked people don't think poems make it anymore such a shame if that is happening! as this my dream to have a poetry book not same old thing as everyone else not sayin what people wrote not good just want something that 'stands out' and people notice! wanted to do it in my nan's memory and deciation she died on 31 oct 2009 sjhe loved poems! her fav of all time!

am i being unfair and unrealistic on the market out there?

hope not! just want this opportunity so bad and so much! it';s a dream for me to have this happen!

 

[krackerz1590]

ben - my name is kirst-lou X

 

[Emor]

Sorry to be a jerk, but I find them hard to take seriously when they rhyme.
That's literally it.
Final piece of criticism.
I'm only being so critical 'cause I genuinely think you have a chance. If I didn't I'd just say it's amazing and stuff.
EMZ=]