Perpetually_confused
Member
Looking for suggestions on how to politely avoid work socialising without causing offence or arousing suspicion.
I am a chronic people pleaser something I'm actively trying to work on. At the moment I'm working on prioritising my own needs and self-care which involves prioritising my neurodivergent needs, in particular reducing time socialising which brings on burn out so quickly for me as only my fellow autists can understand. I do enjoy being social with others but I need to be selective about it and would much prefer it in a safe environment where I don't have to mask which is not my work because I have not disclosed my autism nor do I want to.
I have been spending time going for walks on my own for my lunch break which I find very rejuvenating. I have also just started to decline any social events outside work because quite frankly I do not want to go to these things and I get absolutely nothing from socialising in big groups of people on top of the recovery time I need after the event, it's just not worth it. Sometimes I do sit with my colleagues but for a couple of my colleagues this is not enough and two of my colleagues are really trying to pressure me to attend more social events. One of my colleagues even came into my office first thing on a Monday morning to ask if was okay and why had I not been joining them for lunch and would I join them that day for lunch. As a people pleaser I immediately started to 'correct' my behaviour and am trying to appear more social by participating more in lunch etc, leading to once again feeling exhausted due to my depleted battery.
I'm starting to feel quite resentful towards these people to be honest as I wish they would stop commenting on how I spend my free time. Actually today I decided not to go into lunch and I knew I would be met with some comment when I arrived in after lunch, I was so angry I had no filter so I just said 'I didn't come to lunch because I didn't want to'...haha I know it was so blunt and rude and came out in front of colleagues I really like but it also felt liberating to be frank about it but I also feel a bit embarrassed about it as I didn't want to hurt anyone intentionally. I am just starting to get so angry at this infringement on my personal freedom.
Anyway I might be taking it too personally but I just want these people to kindly back off without it becoming a big issue for me in terms of my relationships with my colleagues and position at work.
I also want to add that I just feel so frustrated being autistic at work. I know I should be grateful to have a job but I'm just so tired of pretending all the time. I wish I could just walk about telling people that I don't socialise because I don't want to and that would be fine but in this world its just not acceptable. I live for a world where people can just behave as they want without anyone trying to control or make a judgement on anyone else.
I am a chronic people pleaser something I'm actively trying to work on. At the moment I'm working on prioritising my own needs and self-care which involves prioritising my neurodivergent needs, in particular reducing time socialising which brings on burn out so quickly for me as only my fellow autists can understand. I do enjoy being social with others but I need to be selective about it and would much prefer it in a safe environment where I don't have to mask which is not my work because I have not disclosed my autism nor do I want to.
I have been spending time going for walks on my own for my lunch break which I find very rejuvenating. I have also just started to decline any social events outside work because quite frankly I do not want to go to these things and I get absolutely nothing from socialising in big groups of people on top of the recovery time I need after the event, it's just not worth it. Sometimes I do sit with my colleagues but for a couple of my colleagues this is not enough and two of my colleagues are really trying to pressure me to attend more social events. One of my colleagues even came into my office first thing on a Monday morning to ask if was okay and why had I not been joining them for lunch and would I join them that day for lunch. As a people pleaser I immediately started to 'correct' my behaviour and am trying to appear more social by participating more in lunch etc, leading to once again feeling exhausted due to my depleted battery.
I'm starting to feel quite resentful towards these people to be honest as I wish they would stop commenting on how I spend my free time. Actually today I decided not to go into lunch and I knew I would be met with some comment when I arrived in after lunch, I was so angry I had no filter so I just said 'I didn't come to lunch because I didn't want to'...haha I know it was so blunt and rude and came out in front of colleagues I really like but it also felt liberating to be frank about it but I also feel a bit embarrassed about it as I didn't want to hurt anyone intentionally. I am just starting to get so angry at this infringement on my personal freedom.
Anyway I might be taking it too personally but I just want these people to kindly back off without it becoming a big issue for me in terms of my relationships with my colleagues and position at work.
I also want to add that I just feel so frustrated being autistic at work. I know I should be grateful to have a job but I'm just so tired of pretending all the time. I wish I could just walk about telling people that I don't socialise because I don't want to and that would be fine but in this world its just not acceptable. I live for a world where people can just behave as they want without anyone trying to control or make a judgement on anyone else.
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