Possible asperger's? Bad social skills and cannot maintain eye contact.

[Manders0724]

It's only been the last year or two that I've even noticed that there is something off about the way I socialize and communicate with other people. I only looked into asperger's because I found out I am likely to have celiac disease. Anyways, I've always gotten very anxious in large groups of people, I noticed that it was extreme when I had my baby shower a year and a half ago. It was all I could do just to make it through the day. Anyway, I have discussed a lot of my issues socializing with my husband and he jokingly told me to take the asperger's test online, and I scored 38. Since then I've looked more into it and realize I have a lot of other things that relate to asperger's. For example, I don't look at anyone directly, except my very close family...my mom, sisters, husband, and son. That's about it. The last few months my husband has decided to point out to me when I'm not looking at someone (not while with the person, but later) when they are talking to me. We've been in and out of doctors a lot lately and he thinks that I make them uncomfortable because they will be looking right at me talking to me and I guess I just look at the floor or my son. I never really realized it until he started pointing it out, but now I notice and sometimes try to look at people directly but it is very hard for me to do. He also thinks that people think I'm being rude or unfriendly because I don't look at them, but I usually don't notice I do it, and even when I do it's hard to control. Just venting I guess, hoping to get some tips as to how to maintain eye contact?

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

I used to be the same way (still do it sometimes), but I've gotten a lot better at it. I think I seemed to have gradually developed my eye contact skills by myself as I noted that I had more meaningful interactions with others when making eye contact with them.

Though I have never done it, I would try practicing making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror. Pretend that your reflection is another person and try to initiate a conversation with it. Hopefully this helps.

 

[Soup]

Many of us share your sentiments about eye contact. I tend to glance at people sidelong. Another way to do this is to cheat the eye contact system. Instead of looking right into someone's eyes, look quickly (2 seconds or so) at the space between their eye & their eyebrow. Since the looking is over with in 2 seconds, it looks to them like real eye contact.

 

[wyverary]

Many of us share your sentiments about eye contact. I tend to glance at people sidelong. Another way to do this is to cheat the eye contact system. Instead of looking right into someone's eyes, look quickly (2 seconds or so) at the space between their eye & their eyebrow. Since the looking is over with in 2 seconds, it looks to them like real eye contact.

I do this all the time! Working in retail, one has to learn to fake these silly things, and this has been my compromise.

 

[Cerulean]

Many of us share your sentiments about eye contact. I tend to glance at people sidelong. Another way to do this is to cheat the eye contact system. Instead of looking right into someone's eyes, look quickly (2 seconds or so) at the space between their eye & their eyebrow. Since the looking is over with in 2 seconds, it looks to them like real eye contact.

I do this too, and spend the rest of the time looking at their nose or mouth while they're talking so it doesn't look like I'm totally ignoring them, at least I'm looking at their face. Plus if I look at their mouth I can concentrate on what they're saying a lot easier.

 

[imagesbyholly]

They eye contact thing can make me panicky, so I try to just look up at them and smile or look interested for a few seconds periodically and then look away at something close by rather than turning completely away, or dig for lip gloss, things that look more natural (hopefully). Not that I'm an expert. I also try to be kind to myself about it and not force it to the point that it's hurting me.