Many autistic people think no one likes them because they're different which can cause a bunch of emotional problems. Limited social interaction may cause you to misunderstand situations and misinterpret people's motives. Emotional reasoning and other cognitive distortions are common so it can be helpful to re-evaluate whether people actually dislike you are are simply uncomfortable or annoyed with something you said or did so you don't feel worse based on a misunderstanding.
Common Cognitive Distortions in Autism
Emotional Reasoning – Believing that what you’re feeling is automatically true. Examples: “I feel stupid so I must be stupid.” and “I feel rejected so I must have been rejected.” Just because you felt rejected when someone responded negatively doesn’t mean you were rejected.
Filtering – Focusing on the negatives while ignoring the positives. If you think about every negative thing people do while ignoring the positive things they do, you’re more likely to wrongly conclude they reject you.
Black and White Thinking – People don’t accept or reject you. Instead, there are degrees ranging from being totally accepted, adored, and trusted to being completely rejected, shunned, and despised with most people falling somewhere in-between. People may accept someone as a friend but disapprove of an annoying habit of theirs. Someone who doesn’t tolerate a stim may still accept you as a person.
Overgeneralization – If someone dislikes one thing about you, it doesn’t mean they dislike everything about you. So when someone criticizes something about you, it doesn’t mean they don't like you.
Jumping to Conclusions – Someone gets angry at you and you conclude they don’t like you. They may just be angry at something you said or did and not have a negative opinion of you.
Personalization – Taking things personally. For example, you ask a question and someone yells at you and calls you an idiot. You conclude they don’t like you when they may have just been having a bad day because they were angry about something that happened earlier and took it out on you.
Whenever you get upset when someone reacts negatively, make a note and think about what happened later when you aren’t too emotional to see if one of the above categories applies. Getting into the habit of thinking more positive and rationally can help get rid of emotional problems.
Edited: Replaced very long post with a shorter version to focus on one common problem that may cause other symptoms.
Common Cognitive Distortions in Autism
Emotional Reasoning – Believing that what you’re feeling is automatically true. Examples: “I feel stupid so I must be stupid.” and “I feel rejected so I must have been rejected.” Just because you felt rejected when someone responded negatively doesn’t mean you were rejected.
Filtering – Focusing on the negatives while ignoring the positives. If you think about every negative thing people do while ignoring the positive things they do, you’re more likely to wrongly conclude they reject you.
Black and White Thinking – People don’t accept or reject you. Instead, there are degrees ranging from being totally accepted, adored, and trusted to being completely rejected, shunned, and despised with most people falling somewhere in-between. People may accept someone as a friend but disapprove of an annoying habit of theirs. Someone who doesn’t tolerate a stim may still accept you as a person.
Overgeneralization – If someone dislikes one thing about you, it doesn’t mean they dislike everything about you. So when someone criticizes something about you, it doesn’t mean they don't like you.
Jumping to Conclusions – Someone gets angry at you and you conclude they don’t like you. They may just be angry at something you said or did and not have a negative opinion of you.
Personalization – Taking things personally. For example, you ask a question and someone yells at you and calls you an idiot. You conclude they don’t like you when they may have just been having a bad day because they were angry about something that happened earlier and took it out on you.
Whenever you get upset when someone reacts negatively, make a note and think about what happened later when you aren’t too emotional to see if one of the above categories applies. Getting into the habit of thinking more positive and rationally can help get rid of emotional problems.
Edited: Replaced very long post with a shorter version to focus on one common problem that may cause other symptoms.
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