Possible meltdowns due to change?

[Nykii]

Hi,

I'm sorry, I rarely post in this forum - mainly because forums scare the life out of me!

I'm just wondering if the way I'm feeling right now at work is due to my Aspergers.

I'll explain a little further, I started a new job in March. Loved it. I got asked to act up to another role. So I did. I applied and got the job I was acting up to.

In the last couple of weeks, my manager (who I took ages to get used to and who I ended up liking) left and has been replaced by another, a couple of my colleagues have left and there's suddenly (I really mean suddenly - I wasn't aware until another manager called a meeting and announced we were in danger of losing our jobs - it was like a bolt out of the blue) a major problem. Now I'm constantly getting emails about do this and do that as though I should know (I've had virtually no training for what I'm doing - I get half answers when I ask questions and I generally have to make it up as I go).

Up until this meeting, I was fine, now the changes are piling on and I feel like someone has kicked me in the gut all day. I'm close to tears most of the time and I just feel so stressed I can't concentrate or act properly to do my job. I'm getting confused and my brain won't work properly when I'm trying to think.

Could this be a reaction to all of the changes happening at once? Has anyone experienced feeling so down and so useless because of change?

I'm trying not to be self pitying or behave like a drama queen but I just feel so terrible right now.

Thanks

 

[Mattymatt]

Hi,

I'm sorry, I rarely post in this forum - mainly because forums scare the life out of me!

I'm just wondering if the way I'm feeling right now at work is due to my Aspergers.

I'll explain a little further, I started a new job in March. Loved it. I got asked to act up to another role. So I did. I applied and got the job I was acting up to.

In the last couple of weeks, my manager (who I took ages to get used to and who I ended up liking) left and has been replaced by another, a couple of my colleagues have left and there's suddenly (I really mean suddenly - I wasn't aware until another manager called a meeting and announced we were in danger of losing our jobs - it was like a bolt out of the blue) a major problem. Now I'm constantly getting emails about do this and do that as though I should know (I've had virtually no training for what I'm doing - I get half answers when I ask questions and I generally have to make it up as I go).

Up until this meeting, I was fine, now the changes are piling on and I feel like someone has kicked me in the gut all day. I'm close to tears most of the time and I just feel so stressed I can't concentrate or act properly to do my job. I'm getting confused and my brain won't work properly when I'm trying to think.

Could this be a reaction to all of the changes happening at once? Has anyone experienced feeling so down and so useless because of change?

I'm trying not to be self pitying or behave like a drama queen but I just feel so terrible right now.

Thanks

Rest assured, you aren't being a drama queen. I don't handle those kinds of changes very well at all so I'm sympathetic. Take a step back from the situation and decompress. Go outside for 5 or 10 minutes if you can. When you get back inside, observe and see if you can get the answers you need from watching others. Again, this is easier said than done and I keep hitting a wall but each time I get a little bit better.

 

[Nykii]

Rest assured, you aren't being a drama queen. I don't handle those kinds of changes very well at all so I'm sympathetic. Take a step back from the situation and decompress. Go outside for 5 or 10 minutes if you can. When you get back inside, observe and see if you can get the answers you need from watching others. Again, this is easier said than done and I keep hitting a wall but each time I get a little bit better.

Thank you Mattymatt, I try observing but I perform a role which no one else does. I've tried going outside and decompressing but it's like someone has taken my head, shaken it and mixed everything up in it. I'm barely holding it together right now.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Yes i definetally think you could be having a meltdown caused by stress. I experience what you said you are about being unable to think whenever i get really stressed out or if i'm just trying to focus on something, like reading. Do your employers know you have aspergers? Cause if so you might be able to request accommodations. If not, is there anyone at work you can discuss this with, even if on a professional basis? This stress is impacting your ability to do your job, and surely they would at least be interested in that. Is there anything you can do in your free time to help you deal with the stress? Like a hobby or something of the like?

 

[Mattymatt]

Thank you Mattymatt, I try observing but I perform a role which no one else does. I've tried going outside and decompressing but it's like someone has taken my head, shaken it and mixed everything up in it. I'm barely holding it together right now.

Can you just take some sick leave? It might be a good idea to separate yourself for a bit. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. What does your job entail?

 

[Nykii]

Can you just take some sick leave? It might be a good idea to separate yourself for a bit. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. What does your job entail?

Oh, that would be fab but I took sick leave the other week and I'm still on probation.

My new manager knows how I am feeling. It only really occurred to me today that my current state of mind may be AS related. If other AS people have felt this way too in the face of many changes, I can write it off as that and explain to my manager, ok, I'm not crap at my job, I am having difficulty coping due to AS issues. But they always counter with, so how can we help? And then I just don't know. I suppose that I also think they may turn around and say well, due to your AS you obviously can't do your job (which I know I can) so, Cheerio.

I'm in housing management for a charity.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Oh, that would be fab but I took sick leave the other week and I'm still on probation.

My new manager knows how I am feeling. It only really occurred to me today that my current state of mind may be AS related. If other AS people have felt this way too in the face of many changes, I can write it off as that and explain to my manager, ok, I'm not crap at my job, I am having difficulty coping due to AS issues. But they always counter with, so how can we help? And then I just don't know. I suppose that I also think they may turn around and say well, due to your AS you obviously can't do your job (which I know I can) so, Cheerio.

I'm in housing management for a charity.

I would get tongue tied, too. To start with, you said that you feel you're training was inadequate, is there any way you can get your manager to spell things out for you better? Like provide papers with all the ins and outs of what is expected of you in your position? I find that structured, predictable expectations help me a lot. Sometimes if i'm freaking out about something i'll turn on either music or some sort of calming white noise (i'm partial to youtube recordings of the sound of rain) and that will help me to either focus or calm down. Otherwise, all i can suggest is maybe find an outlet for your stress.

 

[Nykii]

I would get tongue tied, too. To start with, you said that you feel you're training was inadequate, is there any way you can get your manager to spell things out for you better? Like provide papers with all the ins and outs of what is expected of you in your position? I find that structured, predictable expectations help me a lot. Sometimes if i'm freaking out about something i'll turn on either music or some sort of calming white noise (i'm partial to youtube recordings of the sound of rain) and that will help me to either focus or calm down. Otherwise, all i can suggest is maybe find an outlet for your stress.

I would love to ask for that, but I'm pretty scared to. I did try to set up a process map when I started but then things changed again - and the volume of work increased. Also, due to not having stuff explained to me, things that an NT person may have realised as important, I didn't and ended up with massive problems. I suppose, I have difficulty disentangling what I *should* have known and what they *should* have told me. Sorry, I sound like I'm stonewalling all the (much appreciated and thoughtful) suggestions, I'm not. I just get so frightened of being wrong and of doing something wrong that there are things I physically can't do.

I suppose I am just trying to figure, how would a non-as person behave or react to what's happening? How would they cope? Am I useless? (Only half joking on the last bit) And finally, does my internal emotional state tally with my AS bits?

As for hobbies, I'm too tired at night. I love making bags and trying to teach myself dressmaking but too tired to do anything.

 

[Cerulean]

I frequently have more problems with anxiety and meltdowns when something big changes like that, especially at work. I rely on the pattern and repetition and when management gets handed over or the job description is modified it can be quite upsetting. Hope things work out for you, you're not alone!

 

[Nykii]

I frequently have more problems with anxiety and meltdowns when something big changes like that, especially at work. I rely on the pattern and repetition and when management gets handed over or the job description is modified it can be quite upsetting. Hope things work out for you, you're not alone!

Thank you so much. All of you.

I just spent half an hour in the shower coming up with a concise, assertive speech which covers all points for my boss.

Of course, when it comes down to it, I'll probably stammer a pile of nonsense followed by bursting into tears! Bah.

 

[Simples]

Any sort of change however trivial can be problematic, in your case its significant change and time pressure heaped on top... NT's would struggle or be stressed out in that situation let alone anyone else

I don't see you as self-pitying, you are trying to make the best of a bad situation which is commendable

+1 on having some notes handy... I find that method useful to stop myself derailing the subject or having it changed by wheoever I am having to engage, even if its just some keywords I can glance at every so often

 

[Peace]

First off, having Aspergers could be a factor here, but there are other things at play as well. The reality is, The worst thing that can happen to you is you get fired. NOT the end of the world, although sometimes it seems like it.
You obviously do not have the best management team. Your job should be clearly explained to you, with mile stones set up to discuss your progress and answer questions. If you are struggling, it is managements responsibility to recognize that and to have an action plan in place to improve the situation. This is not all you.
I hope you recognize that you are both capable and worthy of this, you just weren't given the tools to perform up to their expectations. Instead of feeling inadequate, you should feel disappointed in them. Try to forget about the troubled part and concentrate on what it takes to fix this. One step at a time. Often progress is seen as success. If things don't work out in the end, at least you will know you did your best.
Good Luck, my thoughts are with you.

 

[Nykii]

Wow! Thank you all for your support!

You gave me the courage and clarity to go in today and have a long chat with Boss No.1. I also gave him a copy of The Employers Guide to Aspergers to read and arranged a meeting with Boss No. 2 (who's really Boss No.1 - but let's not confuse things).

After that all the stress dropped right off!

Thank you again.

 

[Cerulean]

Glad you're feeling better! As one boss told me- they can't fix a problem they don't know about.