Pre-Invention Aspie

[Strikes Rule]

I'm self diagnosed and fit most of the criteria for having Asperger's.
If this diagnosis is correct and is something a person is born as then I was and aspie before it was invented.

As a kid the solution for a lot of the "issues" possibly related to Asperger's was "ass whippin". I was raised as an only child, not with my other siblings or actual parents, kept in, not allowed to interact with other children. Toys bought were loner toys, built for single individual consumption. Had a bicycle I couldn't ride. A baseball glove I could seldom take out of the house. Other kids were seldom allowed over. Once in school there was a huge push to make good grades, be a top student. There was no emphasis on playing sports or music.

By the time I was 15 I managed to start to sneak away from home to make some contact with other kids, make it to the basketball court in the next town. I didn't go well socially, possibly due to having no viable body language, among other things. My focus has always been on stuff I am and do, most of which has nothing to do with other people, so there was little common ground, nothing to interest others, or about others that interested me.

A down side of it is the ostracism and ridicule received for the effects of what turns out to be this syndrome. Another is how it affected getting jobs, maintaining employment, even managing money.

And of course, relationships were rocky to none, mostly none.

I didn't read, discover, Asperger's until about 3 or 4 years ago. It never came up during any therapy or testing by the shrinks I had for depression.

So how did I "cope" before finding out Asperger's existed? There was no fix at the time, not that there are any "fixes" now. The key was not caring about what others thought, still feel good about myself, and realize that I might not be sick, evil, or "bad", just different. Yes, as negative as this strategy might have been, I had to go on, so I took greater control over who I allowed in and out of my life, how, and when. I tried to turn this lemon into lemonade. Now that there's more resources and contributors, I'm seeing more ways to work with this state of being.

What is especially curious is that my job skills, the work done, involves interacting with lots and lots of people. I was one of the best but it was at something I never liked. Naturally enough my most liked jobs were the ones where there were no people, like field technician on equipment that was in the boonies.

 

[tree]

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It seems that you are ahead of the game in understanding yourself. I reached adulthood with no sense of agency due to a number of factors, and when I recognized that, I learned the first rule of holes: "When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." A hard lesson to learn, especially at a time when Asperger's was not diagnosed.

 

[OkRad]

Pre-invented Aspies had really mixed outcomes. Some were institutionalized, some either almost or actually lobotomized, and some were diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was hell for a lot of older and even now deceased Aspies. It is very sad.

 

[Alexej]

Hi @Strikes Rule

Welcome to the Forums

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. It sounds like you have had some tough times, it's perhaps a relief to understand that you may likely have Aspergers. Many here will understand some of what you describe from their own experiences. It's good that you are here, I hope that you will enjoy the forums and find it interesting and supportive.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Likewise I hope you find your continuing journey of self-exploration and understanding to be productive.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome to the forums, @Strikes Rule .

I can relate to a lot of what you said in your intro.
I was an only child. And had parents that I was very close to all my life.
Sounds like you had siblings and parents, but, wasn't allowed to interact with them?

How did you react to the "ass whippin" stage in your life?
I went through that when I was around age 8. I didn't react well to it.

I had little to no social relationships.
When you finally got to be with others, was it something you wanted? Did you like it?

I know these are personal questions and don't feel you need to answer if you don't want
to talk about it. I understand.
It's just so much of what you said, I found in myself looking back on my life.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was past 50. Aspergers was not recognised in my younger years either.
Anxiety disorder was what they said I had.
I home schooled High School it was so bad. University was much easier.
Never had a family of my own.

Glad to see you joined here and hope to hear more. Lots of different posts on subjects
to read about and different views and experiences.

 

[Strikes Rule]

Welcome to the forums, @Strikes Rule .

I can relate to a lot of what you said in your intro.
I was an only child. And had parents that I was very close to all my life.
Sounds like you had siblings and parents, but, wasn't allowed to interact with them?
I was brought up as an only child. My biological family was hundreds of miles away. It wasn't like you could just pick up the phone. Remember Long Distance?

How did you react to the "ass whippin" stage in your life?
I went through that when I was around age 8. I didn't react well to it.
I fell in line fast! I saw early on that what they were teaching me was solid. Some of that has kept me away from crime all my life.

I had little to no social relationships.
Same here. That proved to be advantageous in my work life.

When you finally got to be with others, was it something you wanted? Did you like it?
At about 15 I was able to start "sneaking out". Liking it or not was a roller coaster - parts of it were OK. More scary than anything at the time. Adventure. Had no social skills past family and small school. Life became a lot more fun once I left home.

I know these are personal questions and don't feel you need to answer if you don't want
to talk about it. I understand.
Nah. I wouldn't be on here otherwise.

It's just so much of what you said, I found in myself looking back on my life.
I do that. Helps me make bucket list items.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was past 50. Aspergers was not recognised in my younger years either.
Anxiety disorder was what they said I had.
"Disorder". At that time a person with a "disorder" was considered "sick" in some way, many times such "sickness" was not clearly described. That proved to be very socially negative.
It is possible that the effects of Asperger's contributed to my being a top student. I was considered "normal", whatever that was, and just a "gifted" student. At that time "eggheads" were considered socially inept. Some of the effects of Asperger's were considered desirable qualities at the time especially among top students.
Later I was diagnosed as a depressive but never officially tested for Asperger's.
Makes for the question of whether Einstein was an aspie.

I home schooled High School it was so bad. University was much easier.
Oh. University life! 3 different schools. College was a place where klunky social interactions were the norm. Wanted to become permanent student.

Never had a family of my own.
Wound up with both families. Once I left home I found my biological family. The families don't know each other.

Glad to see you joined here and hope to hear more. Lots of different posts on subjects
to read about and different views and experiences.

Thank you.

 

[Aspychata]

@Strikes Rule

I'm self diagnosed and fit most of the criteria for having Asperger's.
If this diagnosis is correct and is something a person is born as then I was and aspie before it was invented.

As a kid the solution for a lot of the "issues" possibly related to Asperger's was "ass whippin". I was raised as an only child, not with my other siblings or actual parents, kept in, not allowed to interact with other children. Toys bought were loner toys, built for single individual consumption. Had a bicycle I couldn't ride. A baseball glove I could seldom take out of the house. Other kids were seldom allowed over. Once in school there was a huge push to make good grades, be a top student. There was no emphasis on playing sports or music.

By the time I was 15 I managed to start to sneak away from home to make some contact with other kids, make it to the basketball court in the next town. I didn't go well socially, possibly due to having no viable body language, among other things. My focus has always been on stuff I am and do, most of which has nothing to do with other people, so there was little common ground, nothing to interest others, or about others that interested me.

A down side of it is the ostracism and ridicule received for the effects of what turns out to be this syndrome. Another is how it affected getting jobs, maintaining employment, even managing money.

And of course, relationships were rocky to none, mostly none.

I didn't read, discover, Asperger's until about 3 or 4 years ago. It never came up during any therapy or testing by the shrinks I had for depression.

So how did I "cope" before finding out Asperger's existed? There was no fix at the time, not that there are any "fixes" now. The key was not caring about what others thought, still feel good about myself, and realize that I might not be sick, evil, or "bad", just different. Yes, as negative as this strategy might have been, I had to go on, so I took greater control over who I allowed in and out of my life, how, and when. I tried to turn this lemon into lemonade. Now that there's more resources and contributors, I'm seeing more ways to work with this state of being.

What is especially curious is that my job skills, the work done, involves interacting with lots and lots of people. I was one of the best but it was at something I never liked. Naturally enough my most liked jobs were the ones where there were no people, like field technician on equipment that was in the boonies.

Thought it as neat that you left the house. And still went out on your own. Hated the fact that you were treated so poorly by your, dare l say parents?

We struggle with our selves, then we struggle with others. But this site as so helped me, l hope you find it helpful.

Welcome to the tribe☺

 

[Strikes Rule]

I never considered the treatment poor. They dealt with what they had. Corporal punishment was the norm during the time, both in school and at home. The step parents let me know who my biological family was and allowed some communication with them. I was lucky enough to also have step grandparents who lived within blocks and were a major part of my upbringing. They were born in the 1890s and very conservative Christians. It was them who taught me how to work and try to be honest, stay out of trouble. My step mom taught me about the party, the good time, travel.

One of the biggest problems WAS body language. Not knowing anything about Asperger's at the time, I knew nothing about why reading and probably "speaking" it was so difficult. I knew that it didn't register and what others perceived wasn't what I was thinking at all. Even trying to learn about it was futile. I am of the -- don't try and read my body language - listen to what I say and/or read what I write exactly- don't interpret anything! - if you have questions, ask, don't assume! Many, maybe most, people just refuse to do that. This issue was solved in grown life by just going on without it. When there were issues with it, they were rolled over. Body language is something that doesn't exist for many aspies. Not being exact in communications is seen here as a problem anyway, so there are times others have to be reminded that the conversation is to be taken literally. Don't try and read my body language. Anything written is not to be reinterpreted. When someone refuses to stop reinterpreting its the end of the interaction. I take other avenues to get where I'm going. That's how the body language issue has been solved.

I'm hoping some of this helps others with the same or similar issues. I stand up! As humans, we are not perfect. As aspies we are different, not less, not negative.

 

[Aspychata]

Think being different makes you stand out, which is a good thing but it can be a bad thing. Especially if you want anonymity in your life time. Lol

 

[Strikes Rule]

No. Being different does not necessarily make you stand out - It can. That's highly individualized and can be about what you make it. And anonymity was never an issue. Again, highly individualized.

 

[Strikes Rule]

Found this about Asperger's:

Neurodiversity and the Benefits of Asperger’s

The concept of neurodiversity embraces, celebrates, and respects differences between and among people with Asperger's syndrome and other functional but atypical variations in thinking and behavior. While many people with Asperger's wish to improve their social skills in order to cope in a more effective way with the neurotypical majority, others see value in their unusual way of looking at the world.

Those who are part of, or support, the neurodiversity movement promote the idea that there is no one "normal" type of mind but rather variations in the way individual minds work. They appreciate the valuable skills and contributions of different types of minds, just as they appreciate the value of other types of diversity.


What are the benefits of thinking differently?

Neurodiversity embraces cognitive differences. Those differences, a range of thoughts and perspectives, have propelled humanity’s progress throughout history, such as in science and the arts. When everyone sees a problem the same way, they may all be stumped; the person who views it differently may be the one to discover a solution. Additionally, the routines and systems that people with autism often enjoy can be valuable in the workforce, whether through folding laundry or spotting errors in a software’s code.

You can read the whole article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/aspergers-syndrome

 

[watersprite]

Welcome

 

[Strikes Rule]

Question for the Group:

Non-Verbal Communication, especially body language. For Pre-Invention Aspies, how do you deal with that?

When I first learned anything about it, immediately it was evident that it was something not understood or spoken well, if at all. It really came to a head at a job one day when a supervisor incorrectly interpreted what he thought I was "saying". I told him he needed to ask me, not make some assumption. He insisted my body language was truth. I insisted he either listen to me verbally or end the job, right there. He needed excellent quality work and I was top gun at what I did. The job itself required a lot of very accurate documentation, due to it being at the junction of science and government.

Another nuance is that body language is not universal. There are major differences across languages, cultures, age groups, geographical regions, and nationalities. A musical group once said some things can't be said in any language. At the same time, many things are said differently in most languages.

There was a consensus during my school days that the effects of Asperger's was "normal" for someone who today would be termed a "nurd" or "geek", so my parents got me tutors. Instead of social interactions, I did homework. Instead of sports, I did hobbies. When school was out I traveled with my mother. My summers and holidays were spent in Pullman Cars and back seats, on the road.

What's your take? Any of this happen to you or anyone you know?

 

[watersprite]

There’s a lot of interesting information in your post.

If you’re asking whether my experiences are the same, no not really. When my guard is down, meaning I am trying to communicate, I miss all sorts of clues. No matter how hard I try to decipher hidden stuff, it is mostly static. I believe what people say - verbally - to be coming from honesty though this has had bad consequences for me.

When for example in a work situation, I responded to a superior (?) in the way, or a similar kind of way, as you described I was threatened with being promoted to management. No interest in that at all. Perhaps there are signidicant differences in body language between us.
When I travel, I definitely see glaring differences in body language. It’s fascinating to sit or stand somewhere with a coffee & surreptitiously observe. My drawing in sketchbooks has been a handy way to record these traits. They can be ‘caught’ in a few seconds’ gesture drawing.
As an aside, the habit of drawing is a way to lessen my often intense social anxiety.

Hope that this isn’t too far off from your quiery.