Pregnant Aspie and TERRIFIED

[Shawn D]

My husband and I are expecting our second child this Spring. He's NT & I'm AS and a Stay-at-Home Mom. Our first child, 2.5 years old, has a rare genetic syndrome and is severely disabled and delayed, so caring for her is relatively easy for me. She hardly cries, she feeds through a feeding tube on a schedule for which I have alarms set, and she is non-verbal, so no tantrums.

Our next child, who is presumably typical, since all the prenatal testing has come back negative, scares the Hell out of me. I'm going to need to figure out how to know what she needs, and I'm terrible at reading people! I won't have the luxury of an alarm telling me when to feed her.
I like keeping a schedule and my kiddo now allows me to do what I want and plan to do most of the time. A typical child, I assume, won't be so easy-going.
I also have meltdowns, usually triggered by overwhelming emotional situations or feelings of inadequacy. I'll be under slept, which will only exasperate my Aspie-ness. I don't know how I'll handle non-stop crying, either.
My husband and I both exist at high stress levels due to our current child's life-limiting condition and myriad complex medical needs. I'm afraid having a second child is going to push me over the edge completely.

Has anyone experienced anxiety about having children and we're your fears justified? Was it as bad as you imagined? Any insight is appreciated! (Except for comments suggesting we not have more kids. A little late for that.) TYIA.

 

[nowwhat]

Find a close friend/relative and arrange to spend time with them at your place caring for any young ones they might have. They will be there as a safety net and you will be doing all the work, while they can catch up on paperwork or telecommute, or just loaf in case you need help. It will still be tough, but at least you won't be so unprepared and will have a headstart on some practical planning for the real thing. Then it will not be quite so much of a big, scary unknown.

 

[Nerdpride20950]

If it's not too forward of me, I would also suggest that maybe you could arrange to have someone come by once in awhile to give you a break. I know this is not easy in today's fast pace world, but if you started asking around now maybe something could be found (like one of the grandparents, etc.). This way maybe you wouldn't get so overwhelmed. Like I said, this is easier said than done! I can't recommend the way they used to deal with this (put some whiskey in the baby bottle) but my parents still say it works! Just kidding! Hee hee hee!

 

[Crossbreed]

More NT babies have built-in alarms...

 

[Shawn D]

Thank you all for your suggestions. We do qualify for having a nurse come regularly to care for our first daughter, which I may set up for at least the first few weeks. My Father-in-law comes once a week to give me a break for a few hours so I can run errands. I do need to make a list of people I can call BEFORE I reach meltdown level, for those random days I become overwhelmed.
It's funny you, nowwhat, should suggest I practice with someone else's baby. My Sister-in-law asked me to come over to care for her newborn while she packs, as she and her husband are moving next month.
I have a good support system in place and people willing to help. I just need to be better at asking for help. It doesn't usually occur to me to seek help when I need it.
Crossbreed I'm counting on that fact! [emoji13]

 

[nowwhat]

Thank you all for your suggestions. We do qualify for having a nurse come regularly to care for our first daughter, which I may set up for at least the first few weeks. My Father-in-law comes once a week to give me a break for a few hours so I can run errands. I do need to make a list of people I can call BEFORE I reach meltdown level, for those random days I become overwhelmed.
It's funny you, nowwhat, should suggest I practice with someone else's baby. My Sister-in-law asked me to come over to care for her newborn while she packs, as she and her husband are moving next month.
I have a good support system in place and people willing to help. I just need to be better at asking for help. It doesn't usually occur to me to seek help when I need it.
Crossbreed I'm counting on that fact! [emoji13]

Providence. You need to be all over that. And already someone else is thinking of ways to help you. Don't worry it will be fine. Somehow, parenthood enables you to stretch. The power of love.