Privacy Violated

[peoplesrjames]

My roommate(who owns the house I live in) told me weeks ago that he was contemplating painting my room. Didn't actually ask me, but told he was doing it. I'm easy going so I didn't care. I came home over the weekend and he AND his partner were just in my room moving things and painting things. Didn't tell me or anything. After a few hours I worked up the courage to say that I didn't appreciate the violation of privacy. He went on to say that he wants to keep every room in his place a certain way and if I don't like it I can feel free to move out. We've been close friends for over 3 years now, but I was hurt that 1. He would think it was just so cool to violate my privacy like that and 2. That in my mind, the first time I speak up about one of the many things he does that bothers me, he more or less threatened me. A few days later, we talked it out and he claims he didn't mean it like a threat but that he knows I'm an aspie and have trouble with change and if I would be happier on my own he condones it. Then turned around and made me feel like I was being sensitive and now everyday asks me how much I like the room. Something about the situation just feels wrong and I've been sad about it for days.

On a sidenote: He did comment yesterday that he should have thought about how overwhelming a complete room change would be for me.

 

[garnetflower13]

I'd be pretty well upset if such a thing happened to me! After all, I assume you are paying him for the privilege of living there, and if you are his roommate it would have been courteous if he had discussed his plans with you. Just because he owns the house doesn't mean he gets to ride roughshod over your needs. Do you think you will continue to live there after this?

 

[Cosmophylla]

It sounds like he didn't think ahead, but at least hindsight has given him clearer vision of your situation and he has tried to make peace with you.

If you are paying for the accommodation, have you signed any form of contract? Are there any rules in place? If he is your landlord I think there must be some sort of regulation against him just entering your room without notice.

 

[Ylva]

Then turned around and made me feel like I was being sensitive and now everyday asks me how much I like the room.

I would not have replied "I hate it" – he already knows that you do – but I would ignore the question.

 

[qwerty]

One thing i cant stand is having a lack of privacy, i like my things the way they are even if it seems a bit disorganized, seriously if i went away for a weekend and came back to find someone had moved everything around i would freak out in a big way.

you rent that room which means that room is your property and you have certain property rights which are legally protected, im not saying you should take them to court, i think that would be silly, but i am saying it is important.

Maybe you should read up on what your local tenancy rights, obligations n laws are so you can bring it up armed with a bita knowledge, there may be a clause where they have to give 3 days notice before they can even examine your property let alone move your private property which could have had sensitive information regarding your employment, potentially break stuff etc

Tell him to just admit it was a dick move and to have a bit more respect for your property.

 

[peoplesrjames]

It sounds like he didn't think ahead, but at least hindsight has given him clearer vision of your situation and he has tried to make peace with you.

If you are paying for the accommodation, have you signed any form of contract? Are there any rules in place? If he is your landlord I think there must be some sort of regulation against him just entering your room without notice.

He's like my best friend and yes I do pay and we do have a leasing agreement although very loose

 

[clg114]

I have a small house that I rent out. It might be my house, but it is the renters home. I would not think of going into some ones home with out permission. It is not ethical or legal. If you are paying for the use of that room, the owner needs to have permission to enter the room.

 

[Cosmophylla]

He's like my best friend and yes I do pay and we do have a leasing agreement although very loose

This is a tough situation. Having your friend as your landlord carries a lot of risk, just as going into business with a friend or family member does.
I understand that you want to hold onto your long standing friendship, and that is good motivation for keeping things calm and civil. But your friend also needs to appreciate that in taking your money he also has certain responsibilities, even if they aren't written on paper. No matter how loose the agreement is, there are legal obligations for you both. In Australia they are pretty strict. Not sure where you're located.

If you move out in future, will you need a reference from your friend to secure a lease at another place? This makes it vital that you find an amicable solution. If you keep written records of everything (Which is a drag, I'll be the first to admit) then if anything should ever go seriously wrong you have evidence and can show you have held up your side of your agreement. That sounds a bit like I expect it to turn sour, but I just mean that you should make sure you're covering your own backside, so to speak.