Private school: good or wrong choice?

[Tatimax]

Hi! I am a parent of autistic boy who is 6 and has significant difficulties with speech. We went through public kindergarten and while he goes there without any issues, they fail him academically. Most importantly I never see other kids from his class really interacting with him. He is smart boy loving minecraft, gymnastics, swimming, steam trains and attempting to learn skateboarding.
We decided that private school (not therapeutic but focused on academics and social interaction) will be a better place for his academic needs and finding friends.

If you attended private school for autistic kids, was it a right choice for you? Please share your experience and outcomes. I can’t ask my son yet.

 

[Nick12]

i went to a private school but i dont rember if it was for autistic kids i like that school for about 2 years or so then we hade to ware school uniforms and they hired a teacher that i did not like at all i hope i helped you i wish you and your son the best day ever

 

[Tatimax]

i went to a private school but i dont rember if it was for autistic kids i like that school for about 2 years or so then we hade to ware school uniforms and they hired a teacher that i did not like at all i hope i helped you i wish you and your son the best day ever

Thank you for responding!

 

[Gerontius]

Hi! I am a parent of autistic boy who is 6 and has significant difficulties with speech. We went through public kindergarten and while he goes there without any issues, they fail him academically. Most importantly I never see other kids from his class really interacting with him. He is smart boy loving minecraft, gymnastics, swimming, steam trains and attempting to learn skateboarding.
We decided that private school (not therapeutic but focused on academics and social interaction) will be a better place for his academic needs and finding friends.

If you attended private school for autistic kids, was it a right choice for you? Please share your experience and outcomes. I can’t ask my son yet.

I did not attend specifically a private school, but was homeschooled in a private school. It has its advantages and disadvantages. At the moment I'm not too far out from graduating college, but we'll see if anything comes after that.
I would say that, if you do a private school, ensure that the house has books and that your son makes sure he can go on out & look for interaction with other people. The besetting sin of private schooling is the sense of snobbery that could come from it--with home schooling, there's the concern of elitism coupled with the very real danger of being completely isolated.
So what I suggest is, if you think private schooling is a good idea, go for it, but ensure the possibility of a support structure for your kid in the meantime while he's studying (as in, the next 12 years of grade school and high school.) Which I'm sure you'll do; you're looking for the answer anyway.
I think home schooling and private schooling have been a mixed bag, same as if I was to have gone to a public school. At the end of the day I think private/home was a great blessing and help but at the same time there are certain areas where I'm making up for lost time. For example, I'm pretty odd about social stuff and am working on that--and some elements of the very conservative curriculum I was in were far from factual. Take for example the history book we used--Christ the King, Lord of History by Anne W. Carroll. It is an answer to a question no one was asking, a sort of preemptive counteraction for accusations no one made, delivered with the style of a lapel-grabbing used car salesman who moonlights as a YA fiction novelist. Even worse, in the author's frothy enthusiasm for glorifying all things done by religions she likes (Judaism and Catholicism) in countries she approves of (ones with, usually, white people mostly) she forgets to teach history, and that which she does teach is always skewed.

So I went to a thrift shop and for sixty cents purchased a whopping grand copy of France: A Modern History, by Albert Guerard, published back in 1969 by the University of Michigan up in Ann Arbor. It's both well-written and comprehensive, at least as comprehensive as a single volume can be.

A good education knows when it's licked. It knows where its shortcomings are, and then it tries to fill them in with the good stuff.

Stick with private schooling; there you may find a better shot at learning the material instead of just passing a test--and if your son starts figuring out why the material matters, then, congratulations: he is an educated man. But for the love of sanity, ensure he has something to do.

(As a purely personal aside: Minecraft? A boy of six? Get the boy out of doors and let him learn a game that doesn't involve sitting still tampering with a computer; he can geek out when he's a grown man and stuck in front of one of those things like the rest of us. Let him enjoy childhood while he still has it. Sorry, but as the forum's resident technophobe I am mostly obliged to say stuff like that.)

 

[Tatimax]

I did not attend specifically a private school, but was homeschooled in a private school. It has its advantages and disadvantages. At the moment I'm not too far out from graduating college, but we'll see if anything comes after that.
I would say that, if you do a private school, ensure that the house has books and that your son makes sure he can go on out & look for interaction with other people. The besetting sin of private schooling is the sense of snobbery that could come from it--with home schooling, there's the concern of elitism coupled with the very real danger of being completely isolated.
So what I suggest is, if you think private schooling is a good idea, go for it, but ensure the possibility of a support structure for your kid in the meantime while he's studying (as in, the next 12 years of grade school and high school.) Which I'm sure you'll do; you're looking for the answer anyway.
I think home schooling and private schooling have been a mixed bag, same as if I was to have gone to a public school. At the end of the day I think private/home was a great blessing and help but at the same time there are certain areas where I'm making up for lost time. For example, I'm pretty odd about social stuff and am working on that--and some elements of the very conservative curriculum I was in were far from factual. Take for example the history book we used--Christ the King, Lord of History by Anne W. Carroll. It is an answer to a question no one was asking, a sort of preemptive counteraction for accusations no one made, delivered with the style of a lapel-grabbing used car salesman who moonlights as a YA fiction novelist. Even worse, in the author's frothy enthusiasm for glorifying all things done by religions she likes (Judaism and Catholicism) in countries she approves of (ones with, usually, white people mostly) she forgets to teach history, and that which she does teach is always skewed.

So I went to a thrift shop and for sixty cents purchased a whopping grand copy of France: A Modern History, by Albert Guerard, published back in 1969 by the University of Michigan up in Ann Arbor. It's both well-written and comprehensive, at least as comprehensive as a single volume can be.

A good education knows when it's licked. It knows where its shortcomings are, and then it tries to fill them in with the good stuff.

Stick with private schooling; there you may find a better shot at learning the material instead of just passing a test--and if your son starts figuring out why the material matters, then, congratulations: he is an educated man. But for the love of sanity, ensure he has something to do.

(As a purely personal aside: Minecraft? A boy of six? Get the boy out of doors and let him learn a game that doesn't involve sitting still tampering with a computer; he can geek out when he's a grown man and stuck in front of one of those things like the rest of us. Let him enjoy childhood while he still has it. Sorry, but as the forum's resident technophobe I am mostly obliged to say stuff like that.)

Hi! Thank you so much for replying! I agree that 6 years old building railroad and trains in minecraft is unusual. I appreciate your comment but he is actually attends summer camp full day and creating in minecraft (not really playing but screen-timing) is his outfit and his imagination is fantastic. Thank you again for replying! It’s hard to make decisions for him and your reply gives me important reference.

 

[VictorR]

I can't comment about schools, but I am going to make some book recommendations that you may find helpful for ideas:


Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism / Barry Prizant / Simon & Schuster / 2015

Sincerely, Your Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew / Emily Paige Ballou, Sharon daVanport, Morenike Giwa Onaiwu, eds. / Beacon Press / 2021

Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets for Helping Kids on the Spectrum / Temple Grandin and Debra Moore / Norton / 2021

 

[Luca]

Hi! I’m really happy you’re so supportive of your son!
I hope I’m not intruding or saying anything offensive. Just wanted to point out that you are correct to have hesitations about therapeutic schools.

I’m a survivor of physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological torture at a “therapeutic” residential school. I almost died and I suffer from complex PTSD and have vivid, graphic night terrors every night, and frequent flashbacks that are really distressing. So far no form of treatment has helped.

I’m able to function and live a relatively normal life but I’m terrified to go to sleep with the lights off, and I have to go out of my way to avoid triggers if I want to maintain a realistic level of function. I had a recent episode where a trigger popped up without warning and it took weeks for me to get back to baseline function. I am still somewhat afraid to go to sleep so I’ve been waiting until morning to sleep, which is obviously affecting my life.

If anyone is ever considering sending an autistic child to a residential school, please look up the charity called Breaking Code Silence. But just a fair warning that the testimony is horrific and hard to read without feeling sick.

With that said, I would suggest that you reach out to an autism advocacy group, maybe one run by autistic people who are parents themselves, and ask what their recommendations for private schools would be.

 

[Aneka]

Hi! I am a parent of autistic boy who is 6 and has significant difficulties with speech. We went through public kindergarten and while he goes there without any issues, they fail him academically. Most importantly I never see other kids from his class really interacting with him. He is smart boy loving minecraft, gymnastics, swimming, steam trains and attempting to learn skateboarding.
We decided that private school (not therapeutic but focused on academics and social interaction) will be a better place for his academic needs and finding friends.

If you attended private school for autistic kids, was it a right choice for you? Please share your experience and outcomes. I can’t ask my son yet.

Generally, he will benefit from classes with fewer students and more staff which private schools can offer you. The same applies to public elementary schools in villages and small towns, if you've got that option.

Daycare where I live in Germany, doesn't focus on academics, it focuses on rousing children's interests through play. There are no marks or assessments until 2nd grade of Elementary School (age 7/8).
We do preschool work at set times, but children can decide whether they want to or not (and every child will join in at one point).
I really like this approach, because kids will enjoy the process of learning and it won't be a competion.
Competition will start early enough.

 

[Tatimax]

I can't comment about schools, but I am going to make some book recommendations that you may find helpful for ideas:


Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism / Barry Prizant / Simon & Schuster / 2015

Sincerely, Your Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew / Emily Paige Ballou, Sharon daVanport, Morenike Giwa Onaiwu, eds. / Beacon Press / 2021

Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets for Helping Kids on the Spectrum / Temple Grandin and Debra Moore / Norton / 2021

Thank you for the suggestions!

 

[Tatimax]

Hi! I’m really happy you’re so supportive of your son!
I hope I’m not intruding or saying anything offensive. Just wanted to point out that you are correct to have hesitations about therapeutic schools.

I’m a survivor of physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological torture at a “therapeutic” residential school. I almost died and I suffer from complex PTSD and have vivid, graphic night terrors every night, and frequent flashbacks that are really distressing. So far no form of treatment has helped.

I’m able to function and live a relatively normal life but I’m terrified to go to sleep with the lights off, and I have to go out of my way to avoid triggers if I want to maintain a realistic level of function. I had a recent episode where a trigger popped up without warning and it took weeks for me to get back to baseline function. I am still somewhat afraid to go to sleep so I’ve been waiting until morning to sleep, which is obviously affecting my life.

If anyone is ever considering sending an autistic child to a residential school, please look up the charity called Breaking Code Silence. But just a fair warning that the testimony is horrific and hard to read without feeling sick.

With that said, I would suggest that you reach out to an autism advocacy group, maybe one run by autistic people who are parents themselves, and ask what their recommendations for private schools would be.

I am truly sorry that you went through this terror! Honestly, we have never thought about sending our son somewhere. We just want him to be happy in his own way. This is why I am questioning our decision on school and looking for information that other people might provide. Thank you for replying!

 

[Tatimax]

Generally, he will benefit from classes with fewer students and more staff which private schools can offer you. The same applies to public elementary schools in villages and small towns, if you've got that option.

Daycare where I live in Germany, doesn't focus on academics, it focuses on rousing children's interests through play. There are no marks or assessments until 2nd grade of Elementary School (age 7/8).
We do preschool work at set times, but children can decide whether they want to or not (and every child will join in at one point).
I really like this approach, because kids will enjoy the process of learning and it won't be a competion.
Competition will start early enough.

Thank you for replying! It sounds a lot like the school we want for our son. They have no tests (only state required ones a year), marks or homework.

 

[Homulilly]

As a purely personal aside: Minecraft? A boy of six? Get the boy out of doors and let him learn a game that doesn't involve sitting still tampering with a computer; he can geek out when he's a grown man and stuck in front of one of those things like the rest of us. Let him enjoy childhood while he still has it. Sorry, but as the forum's resident technophobe I am mostly obliged to say stuff like that.

Sheesh, I’m going to rip you for this. If the kid likes computer games, he likes computer games. Minecraft is a good game that promotes teamwork and creativity. If the kid has problem with speech and kids at school don’t play with him, online gaming is a good way to meet new people and work together with friends. Gaming isn’t some sort of poison that devours souls, y’know. I’m not saying he should spent all his time in front of games. But done right, it would be a great part of his childhood.

The age of kids who are first having smartphones have been falling very quickly. Kids are growing up with computer games and such. Tbh even people our generation grew up with computer games, and you happened to be some weird exception that didn’t get that growing up. Your views on online gaming are prejudiced, period. Most gamers don’t go around telling people how they are missing out without computer games, but when circumstances are reversed, people who “love the nature” somehow feel entitled to push people to stop gaming. Ugh. I know you love living in the 19th century, but, sorry, we are not there anymore.

 

[Tatimax]

Sheesh, I’m going to rip you for this. If the kid likes computer games, he likes computer games. Minecraft is a good game that promotes teamwork and creativity. If the kid has problem with speech and kids at school don’t play with him, online gaming is a good way to meet new people and work together with friends. Gaming isn’t some sort of poison that devours souls, y’know. I’m not saying he should spent all his time in front of games. But done right, it would be a great part of his childhood.

The age of kids who are first having smartphones have been falling very quickly. Kids are growing up with computer games and such. Tbh even people our generation grew up with computer games, and you happened to be some weird exception that didn’t get that growing up. Your views on online gaming are prejudiced, period. Most gamers don’t go around telling people how they are missing out without computer games, but when circumstances are reversed, people who “love the nature” somehow feel entitled to push people to stop gaming. Ugh. I know you love living in the 19th century, but, sorry, we are not there anymore.

Hi! Thank you for replying! I am not autistic so can’t speak for this prospective. However, I do see that creating minecraft projects is a significant instrument for my son that motivates him to speak, build and interact with us. I hope he will find a friend with similar interests. However, I have to mention that my son enjoys other things as well: playing with toys, legos, camping in the woods. He is in gymnastics and swimming. So gaming is important and well accepted in our world but we are open for many other things.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

For a couple years in High School, I went to an Independent Study high school.

Also, I homeschooled my daughter, K-12, except for a couple years where she went to public school.

I think homeschooling is the best education choice for aspies, as you can go at your own pace, and science class can be partially special interest led.

Homeschooled kids, even if they only do 1 or 2 hours of school, 4 days a week, are often light years ahead of their classroom-taught peers. Ask any teacher: most class time is used in settling down the students.

A homeschooled child can be very motivated to just get everything done quickly, deeply study special interests in their off time, and also to challenge themselves to do better than they did the day before.

Homeschool Meet Ups are fun too. Home educated children and teens are more open and expressive. It's fun to see them meet up, eyes glistening with joy, as they play imaginary games on the playground.

Home educated teenagers are often less afraid of what their peers think of them, and so they exhibit play behaviors years later than their school educated peers. They laugh and talk about fandoms, have fun hairstyles, and wear pajamas everywhere. They're also much friendlier helpers around the home.

We really loved it.

 

[Gerontius]

Sheesh, I’m going to rip you for this. If the kid likes computer games, he likes computer games. Minecraft is a good game that promotes teamwork and creativity. If the kid has problem with speech and kids at school don’t play with him, online gaming is a good way to meet new people and work together with friends. Gaming isn’t some sort of poison that devours souls, y’know. I’m not saying he should spent all his time in front of games. But done right, it would be a great part of his childhood.

The age of kids who are first having smartphones have been falling very quickly. Kids are growing up with computer games and such. Tbh even people our generation grew up with computer games, and you happened to be some weird exception that didn’t get that growing up. Your views on online gaming are prejudiced, period. Most gamers don’t go around telling people how they are missing out without computer games, but when circumstances are reversed, people who “love the nature” somehow feel entitled to push people to stop gaming. Ugh. I know you love living in the 19th century, but, sorry, we are not there anymore.

I stand by it. He's six. I'm tired of seeing mothers in stores who don't sing to their own children but let the kids sit there on a tablet and listen to Cocomelon videos on YouTube. Not entirely sure the world is ready for a generation of digital latch-key kids who have had to crowdsource their social life in the Tumblr comment section.

You think I'm "some weird exception that didn't get that growing up." I say I dodged a bullet growing up, and got a lot more benefit out of my first few years on this crazy planet. There are children living in the Third World who have more freedom to do what they want than a lot of kids whose freedom is largely online. It's isolation that really messes folks up.

 

[Tatimax]

For a couple years in High School, I went to an Independent Study high school.

Also, I homeschooled my daughter, K-12, except for a couple years where she went to public school.

I think homeschooling is the best education choice for aspies, as you can go at your own pace, and science class can be partially special interest led.

Homeschooled kids, even if they only do 1 or 2 hours of school, 4 days a week, are often light years ahead of their classroom-taught peers. Ask any teacher: most class time is used in settling down the students.

A homeschooled child can be very motivated to just get everything done quickly, deeply study special interests in their off time, and also to challenge themselves to do better than they did the day before.

Homeschool Meet Ups are fun too. Home educated children and teens are more open and expressive. It's fun to see them meet up, eyes glistening with joy, as they play imaginary games on the playground.

Home educated teenagers are often less afraid of what their peers think of them, and so they exhibit play behaviors years later than their school educated peers. They laugh and talk about fandoms, have fun hairstyles, and wear pajamas everywhere. They're also much friendlier helpers around the home.

We really loved it.

I agree that homeschooling is awesome! I started homeschooling in March. Three months were enough to get my son to read simple words and sentences by phonics; do simple addition and subtraction and even use a number line. Something that school could not teach him over 6 months. However, parents have to work and homeschooling isn’t always possible. My kid has moderate ASD with significant delay in receptive language.

 

[Gerontius]

I agree that homeschooling is awesome! I started homeschooling in March. Three months were enough to get my son to read simple words and sentences by phonics; do simple addition and subtraction and even use a number line. Something that school could not teach him over 6 months. However, parents have to work and homeschooling isn’t always possible. My kid has moderate ASD with significant delay in receptive language.

I wonder are there any Montessori or Waldorf type schools there, and has anyone got any experience in those forms of education?

 

[Homulilly]

It's isolation that really messes folks up.

Sure, Grandpa. Do you notice that your example of kids watching YouTube videos actually have nothing to do with kids playing a reasonable amount of games under parental supervision? Isolation can happen online and offline. And if some parent is neglectful enough to let their kid be on the phone all the time, I bet you their life offline isn’t too great either. The Internet actually provides resources for people to connect, if done right. How do you think I stumbled across this forum? Ya honestly think this is isolation? Things would be better if none of us met here?

There are children living in the Third World who have more freedom

And don’t get me started on this. People in the West romanticize this idea so much it is ridiculous. Please, get your privileged butt out of your country first. I don’t consider myself in a third world country but I’m certainly in proximity of some. And every generation before ours here have had a tough time. Kids in the The Third World don’t have the freedom to play—they are fighting for survival. I know, because my mom had to hand-pick stuff to feed farm animals and make straw hats to sell after school. And in case you think that’s fun, do that every day for every hour of your childhood and see if you still call that freedom. If they didn’t have enough things to sell, they starve. Isn’t that isolation?

And sorry to the OP since I’m totally going off topic.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Sure, Grandpa. Do you notice that your example of kids watching YouTube videos actually have nothing to do with kids playing a reasonable amount of games under parental supervision? Isolation can happen online and offline. And if some parent is neglectful enough to let their kid be on the phone all the time, I bet you their life offline isn’t too great either. The Internet actually provides resources for people to connect, if done right. How do you think I stumbled across this forum? Ya honestly think this is isolation? Things would be better if none of us met here?


And don’t get me started on this. People in the West romanticize this idea so much it is ridiculous. Please, get your privileged butt out of your country first. I don’t consider myself in a third world country but I’m certainly in proximity of some. And every generation before ours here have had a tough time. Kids in the The Third World don’t have the freedom to play—they are fighting for survival. I know, because my mom had to hand-pick stuff to feed farm animals and make straw hats to sell after school. And in case you think that’s fun, do that every day for every hour of your childhood and see if you still call that freedom. If they didn’t have enough things to sell, they starve. Isn’t that isolation?

And sorry to the OP since I’m totally going off topic.

His post had nothing to do with you. Why so aggressive to someone who didn't even mean to provoke you? Go take a walk or something. Relax. Don't do it. Why do you want to go through it?

 

[Aneka]

I wonder are there any Montessori or Waldorf type schools there, and has anyone got any experience in those forms of education?

Maria Montessori was the the first woman in Italy to hold a doctorate. She founded a daycare centre in Italy and was part of the progressive education movement in the 19th century.
I believe Montessori is best suited for daycare and preschool.
And her materials are a helpful addition in Elementary school.
She developed special educational materials to teach children the basics of algebra, science etc. The materials were always in reach for the kids to play with, on tablets in shelves. There were few materials to choose from to prevent kids from feeling overwhelmed. Teachers show how to use the materials first, kids watch. Materials were made to enable the children to check for errors themselves. Her materials suit the visual learning type.

Pink tower and brown stairs (learning about proportions)

Beads on sticks, introduction to algebra, helpful material to visualize how multiplication works.

Just to present a few classical montessori materials.
In today's montessori centres those materials are often used during specific times in their daily routines called 'free work' (I couldn't find the English translation). Meaning, the children can work with the tablets offered to them on the shelves. It's a time of silence and concentration. According Montessori, playing is the children's work.

What I criticize about Montessori is the lack of focus on socializing. Most modern day montessori centres merge her methods and take what suits them best (although some focus almost entirely on her teachings).