Probable diagnosis...

[Bruce Stern]

I'm a 53 year old doctor and former therapist. I've made my living diagnosing people but only recently diagnosed myself. I had suspected Asperger's due to lifelong problems of communication but the two therapists I saw pooh-poohed my fears. It was only after I lost my last job that I said "enough" and bought textbooks on Aspergers. To say I was blown away reading Gaul was an understatement. I realize now why I've struggled again and again socially and been labeled rude or arrogant when I'm not trying to be either. I've had terrible coping skills because I haven't understood what's going on.

It relieved me somewhat to know this but I'm terrified I'm going to screw up my new job. I've spent the last week crying and it's hard to not think of myself as broken. I see now how much of my eccentricities were a manifestation of this disorder. I sometimes wonder how much longer I can take the pain of a life like this. I finally have an appointment with someone that specializes in ASD and I'm holding on the next two weeks until I can get there.

I really appreciate this board being here. Right now I don't have anyone to discuss this with that understands.

 

[wyverary]

Welcome! We don't judge here, and I think we would welcome your experience as a therapist. Feel free to explore and ask as much as you like!

 

[clg114]

I'm a 53 year old doctor and former therapist. I've made my living diagnosing people but only recently diagnosed myself. I had suspected Asperger's due to lifelong problems of communication but the two therapists I saw pooh-poohed my fears. It was only after I lost my last job that I said "enough" and bought textbooks on Aspergers. To say I was blown away reading Gaul was an understatement. I realize now why I've struggled again and again socially and been labeled rude or arrogant when I'm not trying to be either. I've had terrible coping skills because I haven't understood what's going on.

It relieved me somewhat to know this but I'm terrified I'm going to screw up my new job. I've spent the last week crying and it's hard to not think of myself as broken. I see now how much of my eccentricities were a manifestation of this disorder. I sometimes wonder how much longer I can take the pain of a life like this. I finally have an appointment with someone that specializes in ASD and I'm holding on the next two weeks until I can get there.

I really appreciate this board being here. Right now I don't have anyone to discuss this with that understands.

I probably do not have to tell you this, but there is a big difference between others thinking you are broken and you thinking that you are broken. You are not broken, you are different than most other people. I believe that it is very important for a person to know and believe that. Diversity is not a bad thing, so do not let that bother you. It sounds to me like you are very likely a Aspie and that is probably why you have accomplished what you have already done in your life. Think of it as your superpower.

 

[Bruce Stern]

I probably do not have to tell you this, but there is a big difference between others thinking you are broken and you thinking that you are broken. You are not broken, you are different than most other people. I believe that it is very important for a person to know and believe that. Diversity is not a bad thing, so do not let that bother you. It sounds to me like you are very likely a Aspie and that is probably why you have accomplished what you have already done in your life. Think of it as your superpower.

Thank you everyone for the welcome.

I hear what you're saying, it's just hard to feel like so many opportunities were wasted because I don't understand body language or miss social cues. I make unforced errors all the time. The last few jobs I've gotten so stressed I've had major meltdowns. It's cost me and I've internalized a rather negative picture of myself as a result. This is the first conversation I've had with anyone who has Aspergers.

I have to find a better way because it's extremely stressful to start over again. I have changed the job I'm doing to one where I go into patient's homes and give up the office (Home based primary care). I'm hoping the change will fit who I am because I love patient care.

I think we would welcome your experience as a therapist.

I got my masters in Art Therapy in 1990 and worked in the field until entering medical school in 1996. I worked mostly with very angry little boys and developed a program I presented at the AATA National Conference. I still do a lot of therapy in primary care. If you have any questions , please ask

 

[Progster]

Hi Bruce, welcome to the forum. I hope your appointment goes well, and that you finally find some answers

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I'm a 53 year old doctor and former therapist. I've made my living diagnosing people but only recently diagnosed myself. I had suspected Asperger's due to lifelong problems of communication but the two therapists I saw pooh-poohed my fears. It was only after I lost my last job that I said "enough" and bought textbooks on Aspergers. To say I was blown away reading Gaul was an understatement. I realize now why I've struggled again and again socially and been labeled rude or arrogant when I'm not trying to be either. I've had terrible coping skills because I haven't understood what's going on.

It relieved me somewhat to know this but I'm terrified I'm going to screw up my new job. I've spent the last week crying and it's hard to not think of myself as broken. I see now how much of my eccentricities were a manifestation of this disorder. I sometimes wonder how much longer I can take the pain of a life like this. I finally have an appointment with someone that specializes in ASD and I'm holding on the next two weeks until I can get there.

I really appreciate this board being here. Right now I don't have anyone to discuss this with that understands.

I'm about your age and in a new job also, with similar issues around how I come across v. how I feel. One of the comforts that helped me hang on was realizing that if I read that way, people don't actually know I'm afraid. Revealing what my true feeling was, to people I trusted to know who also had a need to know, helped stabilize the job situation. When I stopped using the "A" word and just described a specific trait that won't change (ie, my mania for starting meetings on time and ending them on time, my refusal to go to social events for work) things got a little better. And I learned to know myself, and things got a little better.

A step at a time. A day at a time. An hour at a time. Sometimes, a minute at a time.

Frequent rest breaks in solitude also helped.

As we get better at being who we are, the world also starts to get better. Hang on. Help is on the way. And we're here until it does, and after.

 

[Bruce Stern]

I'm about your age and in a new job also, with similar issues around how I come across v. how I feel. One of the comforts that helped me hang on was realizing that if I read that way, people don't actually know I'm afraid. Revealing what my true feeling was, to people I trusted to know who also had a need to know, helped stabilize the job situation. When I stopped using the "A" word and just described a specific trait that won't change (ie, my mania for starting meetings on time and ending them on time, my refusal to go to social events for work) things got a little better. And I learned to know myself, and things got a little better.

A step at a time. A day at a time. An hour at a time. Sometimes, a minute at a time.

Frequent rest breaks in solitude also helped.

As we get better at being who we are, the world also starts to get better. Hang on. Help is on the way. And we're here until it does, and after.

Thank you! Although I still have a lot of anxiety about this job reading the forum has helped a lot.