• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Problem with asperger

casanovic

Well-Known Member
I have always been difficulties understanding normal people.The typical ASD behavior. Can somebody give me more information about it? How does it work ? Why do I behave like the way I do. I see other people and see them behaving in different manner. Because of my behavior , I had been misunderstood by NT's. I always wanted be like them. I have problem in accepting my asperger. I always thought that in the end , I will be just like NT's means after medication and everything. Is my behavior normal or acceptable ? People always told me that it is wrong. I mean that Is being an asperger a problem ? Why can't people accept us as we are. Why everybody try to change us ? I am at stage where I don't know who I am ? Inside me , there is an aspie who always lives inside me. On outside, I am pretending to be a normal. I am 21. I realised when I was near 10 year old that I have to pretend. I am pretending to be normal from 11 years. But I get exhausted by all that pretending and sometimes I don't wanna do it. And when I try to be myself, I mess up. I always had a very messed up life because nobody know about my problem. And they expect me to act like them. When I don't, they take it in a wrong way. The place where I live, here mental illness means only one thing that guy is crazy or retard. People are not educated. After struggling on my own, I am i in best tech institute of india. Here , I took help about my mania, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder from a psychiatrist and a counsellor. Now, It is only asper inside of me. Sometimes I want to accept it bit then I think that how will I live with NT's ? Won't I be detached from them ? There are so many confliction. Hoping to find answer here.
 
I am now 69 and didn't realize I have AS until I was in my early 60s. Until then, I just believed what I was told. I was bad, selfish, contrary, deliberately different, unyielding and a dozen other unflattering descriptions. I was screamed at by my mother, shunned by the nicer kids, and bullied by the rotten kids. I didn't really know how to pretend to be like NTs because I didn't understand how they thought. When I became an RN in my 30s I was coached to TOUCH patients and families. I don't mean things like bathing and treating wounds; I was supposed to "pet" them when they felt bad. I forced my self to hug family members after a death or a birth and use soothing touch on the sick and those in pain. I cringed inside but kissed (ON THE MOUTH!!!) my relatives. None of this felt necessary or natural and I, personally, hate being touched. The worst day of my life was when I had a dental appointment and then a wash, cut, permanent, set and comb out on the same day. After I self diagnosed myself from an online test, I tried to examine my differences. The hardest thing for me to accept was that NTs REALLY do love to be passive and watch sports. I still don't understand how anyone enjoys watching--why not just get up and play some sports for real. I love music and play several instruments. I have sung in choirs and played in bands and orchestras. I get off my but and DO stuff rather than watch/listen passively. Oh, and identifying with a particular team when you have never met anyone on that team--blows my mind. Identifying with a team doesn't mean you actually share their skills. They are the ones with the skills, doing the hard work.

After I realized I had AS and began to comprehend how NTs felt and operated, I decided THEY were weird and not me! However, I acknowledged that there is power in numbers. Once I was able to retire I decided I was sick of hiding my real self and furious with most non AS people for assuming they had a duty to make me "Normal." I choose to be alone as much as possible. I am not really lonely for the company of people who believe I am broken and require fixing. When I am forced to be in the company of NTs I now don't try to understand them. My aim is only not to demonstrate to them how weird I find them. By doing so I am being far more polite and tolerant than many NTs. I definitely wish I had been born an NT and I sincerely hope I wouldn't have bullied those who weren't. If I understand anything about people in general, they like to be with their own kind. I married into a very ethnic family and boy, did I suffer for not being one of "them." If human nature means that people enjoy being alike then I do wish I were "normal." Life would have been far less painful than it has. In many situations people don't miss what they don't know, so being an NT and not having some of the more desirable Aspie traits probably wouldn't have caused me any stress. I would not have chosen to have any particular physical deformity or illness either. I wish my life had been less complicated and don't give a damn about the idea that adversity makes one stronger. It would have been nice to just skate through life. I know lots of NTs who are truly decent, productive people and I wish I were one of them. What I don't know is what private demons they may have that are not apparent. I don't believe many people enjoy perfect lives. What I am advising is to recognize that you are different from the majority and don't let yourself be deliberately irritating. If you can just be nice and kiss the bride, go ahead an do it. It is nice to be nice! If your differences are very obvious and irritating, do what I do and try to hide them when with NTs. When this "phoniness" becomes burdensome, try to be alone or with other Aspies. I wish I had a close Aspie friend and hope you find one.
 
The short answer:

The parts of our brains that instinctively interact with other humans are malformed. We don't have the subconscious instincts that tell us why people are behaving the way they are and how to communicate our feelings to them. We are, therefore, forced to interact using our conscious minds, with three big problems: Our guesses are frequently wrong; the effort is stressful and threatens our demeanor; and we can be distracted by intense activity like hard work. Asperger patients have up to a 80% chronic underemployment rate because of this difficulty. I am chronically underemployed as well, even though I'm very competent in my chosen profession. Work relationships are just too difficult to build and sustain. It is extraordinarily stressful.

The same parts of the brain also affect fine motor skills, so Asperger folks are often less precise when typing or doing fine detail work. My father tried teaching me how to swing a golf club without result, although he did have more luck with pool.

As if that weren't enough, we typically suffer from hypersensitivity to light, noise, crowding, and motion. When subjected to this, we may suffer an "Aspie meltdown," a spontaneous explosion that looks like rage to neurotypicals. The only way to short-circuit this is to remove oneself from the problematic situation and find some relative peace and quiet.

For more information, visit:
Asperger Syndrome Fact Sheet: National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS)
 
The most critical success factor for Aspies is to know when to take time out. My son takes time out whenever too much information is being processed by his brain. Thats the way he is able to avoid meltdown.
 
Wow, great posts here!

There are so many times I missunderstood NT's or they me -that it's exhausting. Some have "left" me for this reason. Those who really care and appreciate me have stayed and that's actually how I like it. I think we aspies are kind of lucky, we don't have to keep up appearances and have a fake life, we're real. It hasn't been easy though, making friends.. I finally learned to be social in my mid-twenties, but it was a rough road. Still is sometimes.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom