I am now 69 and didn't realize I have AS until I was in my early 60s. Until then, I just believed what I was told. I was bad, selfish, contrary, deliberately different, unyielding and a dozen other unflattering descriptions. I was screamed at by my mother, shunned by the nicer kids, and bullied by the rotten kids. I didn't really know how to pretend to be like NTs because I didn't understand how they thought. When I became an RN in my 30s I was coached to TOUCH patients and families. I don't mean things like bathing and treating wounds; I was supposed to "pet" them when they felt bad. I forced my self to hug family members after a death or a birth and use soothing touch on the sick and those in pain. I cringed inside but kissed (ON THE MOUTH!!!) my relatives. None of this felt necessary or natural and I, personally, hate being touched. The worst day of my life was when I had a dental appointment and then a wash, cut, permanent, set and comb out on the same day. After I self diagnosed myself from an online test, I tried to examine my differences. The hardest thing for me to accept was that NTs REALLY do love to be passive and watch sports. I still don't understand how anyone enjoys watching--why not just get up and play some sports for real. I love music and play several instruments. I have sung in choirs and played in bands and orchestras. I get off my but and DO stuff rather than watch/listen passively. Oh, and identifying with a particular team when you have never met anyone on that team--blows my mind. Identifying with a team doesn't mean you actually share their skills. They are the ones with the skills, doing the hard work.
After I realized I had AS and began to comprehend how NTs felt and operated, I decided THEY were weird and not me! However, I acknowledged that there is power in numbers. Once I was able to retire I decided I was sick of hiding my real self and furious with most non AS people for assuming they had a duty to make me "Normal." I choose to be alone as much as possible. I am not really lonely for the company of people who believe I am broken and require fixing. When I am forced to be in the company of NTs I now don't try to understand them. My aim is only not to demonstrate to them how weird I find them. By doing so I am being far more polite and tolerant than many NTs. I definitely wish I had been born an NT and I sincerely hope I wouldn't have bullied those who weren't. If I understand anything about people in general, they like to be with their own kind. I married into a very ethnic family and boy, did I suffer for not being one of "them." If human nature means that people enjoy being alike then I do wish I were "normal." Life would have been far less painful than it has. In many situations people don't miss what they don't know, so being an NT and not having some of the more desirable Aspie traits probably wouldn't have caused me any stress. I would not have chosen to have any particular physical deformity or illness either. I wish my life had been less complicated and don't give a damn about the idea that adversity makes one stronger. It would have been nice to just skate through life. I know lots of NTs who are truly decent, productive people and I wish I were one of them. What I don't know is what private demons they may have that are not apparent. I don't believe many people enjoy perfect lives. What I am advising is to recognize that you are different from the majority and don't let yourself be deliberately irritating. If you can just be nice and kiss the bride, go ahead an do it. It is nice to be nice! If your differences are very obvious and irritating, do what I do and try to hide them when with NTs. When this "phoniness" becomes burdensome, try to be alone or with other Aspies. I wish I had a close Aspie friend and hope you find one.