abinun1987
Well-Known Member
I've had three relationships in my lifetime. Somehow, despite never really having a friend beyond a casual acquaintance, I managed to have three relationships. Go figure. The problem for me is that my third relationship was a very close and intimate one. My first relationship lasted two weeks, my second was 3 months. My last relationship was 5 years. My ex and I spent every waking moment together and so we managed to form a very close bond. She was the one person whom I could safely say was a true friend to me (in my opinion). The problem, though, is that I'm aware that an intimate relationship is certainly not a good building block for platonic friendships.
In my experience, I have had far better luck communicating with girls than with guys. Every guy I've been around is always that stereotypical male in a way -- they adhere to societal gender standards and it's very hard for me to communicate to guys simply because I have no interest in anything guys traditionally like. It's been easier for me to talk to girls simply because girls talk about their feelings much more and so I can talk ad nauseum about my feelings to them. The problem is that since I have severely underdeveloped social skills, I have a hard time not getting swept off my feet or infatuated with a girl who gives me any modicum of attention. I know it's not right for me to attach myself so deeply to someone so frivolously, especially when that person likely doesn't feel the same way towards me and, more times than not, I'll find that I either don't live up to their standards of suitable partners or that they're already taken. In the case where a girl is already taken, I feel lost and don't know how to act platonically -- so, therefore, I end up shutting them out of my mind simply because they're unavailable. I feel horrible for thinking like this simply because I know I should be better than to attach myself to every girl that gives me attention.
For me, it's hard to maintain a platonic relationship with a girl because my mind always wanders and I end up fantasizing of what it'd be like if we were together. Or I end up thinking of how I'd like things to go or a possible future together. And I feel bad for it because I feel it's not fair to that person that I should immediately jump to these scenarios when I barely know them... and I feel pathetic for getting lovestruck just because someone gives me a healthy dose of attention.
And so, because of these faults in my character, I really don't know what's actual love and what's just good friendship. Of course, with my AS, I will talk about my emotions to just about anyone who'll listen, be it man or woman. But I've never met a guy who was willing to listen to me gripe about my problems, so my only references are women... and my mind always has an attraction toward them so I feel it's biased and therefore unable to process a platonic relationship without overstepping boundaries and becoming something more intimate. I'm always eager to please and to care for someone and so I don't know if I come off as supportive, overly affectionate or just outright creepy.
Right now, I've been single for about 6? months. I've tried real hard to avoid allowing my mind to wander toward romantic relationships with girls I know simply because I don't want my mind setting up unrealistic expectations. And I feel bad that my mind goes toward those places when these girls just exist... they aren't overly affectionate toward me and show no other signs outside of friendly discourse. I just wish I could differentiate between platonic and intimate relationships better and not overstep my boundaries and potentially destroy an otherwise good friendship because I'm too socially underdeveloped.
In my experience, I have had far better luck communicating with girls than with guys. Every guy I've been around is always that stereotypical male in a way -- they adhere to societal gender standards and it's very hard for me to communicate to guys simply because I have no interest in anything guys traditionally like. It's been easier for me to talk to girls simply because girls talk about their feelings much more and so I can talk ad nauseum about my feelings to them. The problem is that since I have severely underdeveloped social skills, I have a hard time not getting swept off my feet or infatuated with a girl who gives me any modicum of attention. I know it's not right for me to attach myself so deeply to someone so frivolously, especially when that person likely doesn't feel the same way towards me and, more times than not, I'll find that I either don't live up to their standards of suitable partners or that they're already taken. In the case where a girl is already taken, I feel lost and don't know how to act platonically -- so, therefore, I end up shutting them out of my mind simply because they're unavailable. I feel horrible for thinking like this simply because I know I should be better than to attach myself to every girl that gives me attention.
For me, it's hard to maintain a platonic relationship with a girl because my mind always wanders and I end up fantasizing of what it'd be like if we were together. Or I end up thinking of how I'd like things to go or a possible future together. And I feel bad for it because I feel it's not fair to that person that I should immediately jump to these scenarios when I barely know them... and I feel pathetic for getting lovestruck just because someone gives me a healthy dose of attention.
And so, because of these faults in my character, I really don't know what's actual love and what's just good friendship. Of course, with my AS, I will talk about my emotions to just about anyone who'll listen, be it man or woman. But I've never met a guy who was willing to listen to me gripe about my problems, so my only references are women... and my mind always has an attraction toward them so I feel it's biased and therefore unable to process a platonic relationship without overstepping boundaries and becoming something more intimate. I'm always eager to please and to care for someone and so I don't know if I come off as supportive, overly affectionate or just outright creepy.
Right now, I've been single for about 6? months. I've tried real hard to avoid allowing my mind to wander toward romantic relationships with girls I know simply because I don't want my mind setting up unrealistic expectations. And I feel bad that my mind goes toward those places when these girls just exist... they aren't overly affectionate toward me and show no other signs outside of friendly discourse. I just wish I could differentiate between platonic and intimate relationships better and not overstep my boundaries and potentially destroy an otherwise good friendship because I'm too socially underdeveloped.
Last edited:
