Problems in work

[aj]

I hate working with people and being around people. My colleagues keeps touching me and I get jumpy all the time when I'm touched. It really angers me that I kept asking them to respect my space and they laughed at me and mocked me. One of my colleagues touched me and I lost my anger. I managed to grab his fingers and put all that energy into squeezing his 2 fingers. I started to twist and pull to try break them, I didn't want to grab him but I wasn't in control. He's luckily broke free before I could do damage. He did scream and after I done that he never touched me again which made me fink. I don't agree with violence or entering peoples space, but I get so angry and normally bite my hands and hit walls. I do get tempted to head butt walls too but never got that far. The stress and frustration causes me to hurt myself and it is all because of people around me doing things I tell them not to do towards me. I have crashed machinery into doors and other things because I'm always stressed to the point at work. I'm not a bad person I try to be nice as I can but most of my life people just don't respect me. What can I do to make it easier for me at work?

 

[KassieMac]

I have no answers, but I feel you. I get the same thing all the time. People are just really disrespectful. I've often heard the advice "Don't let them see that it bothers you", but that means I'd have to tolerate people without boundaries putting their dirty hands on me … umm, NO!

 

[aj]

I have no answers, but I feel you. I get the same thing all the time. People are just really disrespectful. I've often heard the advice "Don't let them see that it bothers you", but that means I'd have to tolerate people without boundaries putting their dirty hands on me … umm, NO!

Exactly, I'm glad you see my point , it's horrible when blokes touch you because they don't wash their hands which effects every door and my paperwork. It's only some blokes that do wash their hands. My colleague sticks his hand out to me sometimes, and I really don't want to shake his hands but I freeze up for a couple of seconds and I find it very hard to say no to people. I did shake his hand but I try get to the toilets to wash my hands. I hate being touched
By anyone. I also searched the web sight and I found a sight that shows touching is classed as bullying, unwanted sexual contact I think or sexual harassment, I can't remember now haha

 

[KassieMac]

I guess I used 'dirty' just to show my disgust … I don't care if they've washed their hands or not. An unwelcome touch makes me feel dirty. It may not be sexual, but by law it is considered harassment (in the workplace). I was working in an office & this one really insecure woman always touched everything and everyone … I guess it made her feel loved? Well one day she came to work with a huge disgusting open herpes sore on her lip … I couldn't help myself, I kind of kept an eye on her … she kept touching it, and kept coming around to others' desks, touching them & flipping through their papers. It was disgusting!! I don't think it was intentional, just the unconscious reflexes of a lonely old woman. People are so d@mn blind to their own actions. Just glad I'm not there anymore …

 

[aj]

[Q UOTE="KassieMac, post: 132040, member: 10930"]I guess I used 'dirty' just to show my disgust … I don't care if they've washed their hands or not. An unwelcome touch makes me feel dirty. It may not be sexual, but by law it is considered harassment (in the workplace). I was working in an office & this one really insecure woman always touched everything and everyone … I guess it made her feel loved? Well one day she came to work with a huge disgusting open herpes sore on her lip … I couldn't help myself, I kind of kept an eye on her … she kept touching it, and kept coming around to others' desks, touching them & flipping through their papers. It was disgusting!! I don't think it was intentional, just the unconscious reflexes of a lonely old woman. People are so d@mn blind to their own actions. Just glad I'm not there anymore …[/QUOT

Yeah I agree touch is dirty either way but I find it worse with men. I'm still the same with women if they touch me but it isn't as bad as men. Sorry I found it hard to explain I hope you understood that. And that is disgusting, sometimes I just wish people would be more hygienic. That would make things less bad if they touched your paperwork and door handles.

 

[KassieMac]

Yeah I agree touch is dirty either way but I find it worse with men. I'm still the same with women if they touch me but it isn't as bad as men. Sorry I found it hard to explain I hope you understood that. And that is disgusting, sometimes I just wish people would be more hygienic. That would make things less bad if they touched your paperwork and door handles.

I totally agree! If they don't wash their hands it's much worse, and sometimes there's that whole sexual or power differential thing that makes it so much creepier. Bottom line is people need to respect other people. Period.

I had to report CreepyTouchyFeelyWoman three times before she stopped touching me. Ugh!!

 

[Judge]

I'm stunned to read such things. Guess I've been fortunate to work with people who respected one's personal space. I'd have thought this to be something universal...but apparently that's not the case. Sorry this has happened to y'all.

 

[KassieMac]

At my previous job there was a fellow who was bad about putting his arm around people and embracing them. The first time he did that, I just about unhinged. My reaction was such that it elicited a rude remark from him. He said, "Gee, who abused you?" I don't know what was worse, the touch or the remark. Either way neither was invited or appreciated. I told him in the iciest tone, "I don't like to be touched. Please do not touch me again." I got a reputation as being a nutcase, but at least I didn't have to deal with his need to paw me.

Good for you for speaking up! It took more than half my life to be able to, but most people stop after a direct request
… and I don't care if anyone thinks I'm a nutjob. This place was just really corrupt, and this woman had loads of seniority. She just did whatever she felt like, so the initial direct request didn't work. I do feel like it's a victory that I didn't back down, though.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm with Judge on this one. What you have going on is way out of hand. I don't like being touched either and no one gets in my space at work. I have gotten mad a couple times when its happened and coworkers try to make a joke to lighten things up, but if I don't laugh they know I'm pissed and they don't do it anymore.The things that I've heard happen in this thread could not happen where I work - someone would get fired and its not going to be me. Before the situation even reached that level, I'd go to a superior probably above your own boss. I wouldn't play their game anymore - what they are doing is called harassment and its illegal. I know the hospital has 0 tolerance for anyone being harassed. I would check into that because they are making your life a living hell and the work environment isn't supposed to be like that. You might also think about transferring to another part of the company to get a fresh start with different people if that's possible.

 

[Ereth]

Angela's right. You need to report this behavior to someone as soon as possible and then consider a transfer.

Best wishes.

 

[Aspieistj]

I hate to be touched and it doesn't always mean I am thinking of germs. If someone were to touch me on my arm and I was wearing long sleeves, it would have nothing to do with germs. I simply don't want to be touched. I was an RN in a small hospital in which everyone knew everyone else. The coworkers on my unit all knew I didn't like to be touched and occasionally one or two nurses who were PIAs would touch me and laugh. A doctor picked up on this and made a big deal of touching me and I always told him I didn't want to be touched. One time, while I was sitting at the desk and there were other doctors in the station, he came up behind me and grabbed my shoulders. There was nothing overtly sexual about how or where he touched me and I didn't perceive it as such. However, he was fully aware I didn't like to be touched and I pulled away and said please don't touch me. He laughed and made a big deal of it and grabbed me harder and closer. I announced loudly "Get your hands off me" and he backed away blubbering. I think he realized he had crossed a line and was a little worried. The station was pretty quiet for a minute and then went back to normal. At that time I had no idea that I could complain to Human Relations. It was a long time ago and I was afraid I would be considered a nut for complaining about non-sexual touch. Fortunately, he left me alone after that. I really though he should have known better because he was a pediatrician and must have dealt with children who disliked being touched. I had no idea I had AS way back then; autism was considered a really strange and awful condition. If it were to happen to me now, in a similar situation, I would speak to the doctor privately and tell him if he continued to torment me I would complain to HR. I know it is considered an insult to rub the hair and head of a small black child and I think AS people should be granted the same respect. There is never a need to touch someone who hears well and is near enough for normal conversation to take place. I also hate shaking hands because I don't like touch, but also because I am an old lady and think it is a masculine behavior. I learned to grin and bear it in business situations but I still hate it. Need I say anything about the stupid female behavior of kissing other women in greeting????

 

[aj]

At my previous job there was a fellow who was bad about putting his arm around people and embracing them. The first time he did that, I just about unhinged. My reaction was such that it elicited a rude remark from him. He said, "Gee, who abused you?" I don't know what was worse, the touch or the remark. Either way neither was invited or appreciated. I told him in the iciest tone, "I don't like to be touched. Please do not touch me again." I got a reputation as being a nutcase, but at least I didn't have to deal with his need to paw me.

I had something similar that they say to me. "Was you touched when you was a kid" or "did your dad abuse you" I said no I wasn't and I wasn't at all abused I just hate being touched! They did laugh at me which didn't help and I want to know is why can't they understand that touching is something I don't like?

I got anxious from a bully at work who is no longer there, he came behind me and put his hand on my side, I got jumpy and lost my anger, my manager witnessed it all and said that he done nothing wrong. At that point I just walked off in a foul mood. So I can't see my manager being any help in my opinion I think he doesn't have the intelligence to Handel his staff so I believe he is in the wrong job.

 

[KassieMac]

It's not that they don't understand, it's just that they're insecure, arrogant, sadistic, disrespectful, bullying, manipulative pr1cks … and they can sense us a mile away. I've met far too many in my life.

 

[aj]

I'm stunned to read such things. Guess I've been fortunate to work with people who respected one's personal space. I'd have thought this to be something universal...but apparently that's not the case. Sorry this has happened to y'all.

I did get lied to from the manager that hired me, I was meant to be a driver but got placed in the warehouse. Since that happened I was so angry and upset that I had to work with people. A driving job was good for me because I was alone and driving was relaxing and easy for me to do. Only problem I had with driving was getting distracted by phone calls and costumers shouting. The costumers I use to deliver to was very good to me and extremely rare for them to shout at me. I really enjoyed the driving job and upset that I have to deal with the people at work daily almost every day.

 

[aj]

It's not that they don't understand, it's just that they're insecure, arrogant, sadistic, disrespectful, bullying, manipulative pr1cks … and they can sense us a mile away. I've met far too many in my life.

Thank you kassiemac maybe il start treating them with no respect from now on until they show me the respect I ask. I don't ask for Alcott I just ask to leave me alone, don't touch me, don't speak to me with disrespect or the so called jokes that they call banter, don't shout at me and deal with your own problems because I don't care. Is that too much to ask for?

 

[aj]

I'm with Judge on this one. What you have going on is way out of hand. I don't like being touched either and no one gets in my space at work. I have gotten mad a couple times when its happened and coworkers try to make a joke to lighten things up, but if I don't laugh they know I'm pissed and they don't do it anymore.The things that I've heard happen in this thread could not happen where I work - someone would get fired and its not going to be me. Before the situation even reached that level, I'd go to a superior probably above your own boss. I wouldn't play their game anymore - what they are doing is called harassment and its illegal. I know the hospital has 0 tolerance for anyone being harassed. I would check into that because they are making your life a living hell and the work environment isn't supposed to be like that. You might also think about transferring to another part of the company to get a fresh start with different people if that's possible.

Your job sounds like the perfect job and I couldn't get a transfer due to I know my place and what's around me, I wouldn't like to make another risk and maybe end up with worse people. I know my routine in work and where everything is I don't want to change anything apart from the staffs behaviour towards me. Thank you for your advice

 

[Ylva]

If someone sneaks up on you you get to elbow them in the ribs. Not hard enough to break bones, just hard enough to scare them.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Your job sounds like the perfect job and I couldn't get a transfer due to I know my place and what's around me, I wouldn't like to make another risk and maybe end up with worse people. I know my routine in work and where everything is I don't want to change anything apart from the staffs behaviour towards me. Thank you for your advice

You'd think it was a good place to work, however there's a double standard because the rules don't apply to doctors. We recently just had a new doctor make a pass at a nurse who turned him down because she was married and pregnant too (just not showing yet). There had been a couple of other pregnant nurses on the same floor (when one gets pregnant usually several do - guess its in the water ). Anyway, after the one turned him down he proceeded to call her and the other pregnant nurses sluts! She was so shocked she didn't turn him in, but another nurse heard it too and did turn him in. All that happened was the top doctor of the hospital slapped this other doctors hand while also probably giving him a wink (if you know what I mean). The doctor must not have learned anything because he hit on two more nurses after that! He hasn't made any other moves in the last month or so because everyone is aware of what he did, but he's still working at the hospital. I'm surprised the hospital didn't stand behind its nursing staff, but the doctors take precedents since they bring in money for the hospital. I'm surprised that the pregnant nurse's husband didn't rearrange that doctors face for what he said!

 

[Sass]

This is an oblivious people thing, I think. It should always be reported, especially if it's unwanted contact. I always found it easier to tell people (once I'd got the job lol) that I was a bit iffy with touching, before they got comfortable enough with me that they thought they could get away with it, for laughs or otherwise. Setting the ground rules early helped me. Although, I know that doesn't always help, especially when you end up working with thoughtless twats :S

 

[Autism]

What I have learned is that the victims suffer more if they do tell someone. And they risk their job on top of that. When someone does that to you at work he or she knows already they are going to get away with it and every single workplace that I have worked at has had that Boys Club. A victim can only win if she does not give them the satisfaction of a reply. Because these walking dilldoes do not deserve that.