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queer and high functioning autistic

luna88

luna88

daydreamer
Hey everyone,

My dating life as been atypical, and now that I have the autism diagnosis I understand why!! I also have started to identify as non-binary and consider my gender more androdgynous, but am still questioning my sexuality, but have felt attracted to many different genders so I'm thinking I could be pansexual.

The Dr. who diagnosed me also told me that there's a high correlation between being on the spectrum and non-binary which I think is so interesting! I'm mostly attracted to someone's soul I think, more than their gender/sexuality. Dating is such a challenge for me, because I've had a lot of chronic illness and tend to run away from people that I like and who are attracted to me, not to mention sex is sensory overload. Up until about age 26 I was not interested in sex or dating, but it's finally hitting me lol.

Anyone out there with similar experiences they want to share??
 
Being attracted to someone's soul is related to more an emotional thing. You might be a demisexual (interested in people's emotions).

Since gender/sexuality doesn't matter to you, it sounds like you are also pansexual (like anyone no matter how they are).

I didn't have or experience the same confusion as you.
I can tell you that for dating, you should be very open when meeting in-person for the first time about how sex is too much for you right now to even think about let alone talk about. Also, you don't want to be running away from people where the attraction might be mutual. Defeats the purpose of dating and you're doing yourself and the other person/people a disservice by doing so.

Look for resources that can help you build what you and other(s) so desire.
Having knowledge of how you can protect yourself and what you can and can't do and what your risk tolerance is and can be can help a lot. Try to talk to a trusted medical professional, trusted, competent friends, and trusted counselors to help you with the information and entire process. Online is another option, but if you don't have any knowledge basically, it will be harder to comb through what works for you, what you can and can't do, and what doesn't work for you.
 
As far as dating and relationships it seems from testimonials and observation that people on the spectrum are often on a longer curve. I did see one study with hard data that established that they marry on average later then NTs. Though its not universal by far, and many Aspies have shared being active quite young. On the gender side I haven't seen any true studies on it, but again certainly, there are Aspies of all types. Many that have posted here do not identify as strictly heterosexual. Again, some have. It is hard to fit people on the spectrum into any catagory really (other then sharing ASD and a few common traits or co-morbids). If anything I have often suspected that Aspies are very individualistic. For whatever reasons not automatically prone to following trends, expectations, etc. Though we do often do that as masking to fit in socially.
 
Aye, I deal with all of the screwball gender stuff myself, even though I dont date or anything. I would definitely go with "androgynous" as well.

The whole thing can be a confusing, frustrating mess, but you're definitely not alone in it.
 
Well, I've never questioned my gender although I am not particularly girly and would like to be more androgynous, I think. I just accept that there are many ways to be a female and get on with it. As for sexual preference it took me most of a lifetime to figure out that I am somewhere in between demisexual and asexual. I suspect I could have an asexual but romantic relationship with another female if I met the right person but that hasn't happened. I am more aware of finding males appealing even if it isn't exactly for sexual reasons. Maybe it's because I like strong, tight hugs.
 
I consider myself more androgynous and as you stated, what attracts me is a person's soul.
What they are like, not what their body is called. Male/Female.
I'm romantic asexual, what you might call demisexual.
Only had a few close relationships in my life, never married or lived with any of them.
Emotionally I loved them in my own way. Not for sex.
 
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Non binary. Hmm I usually say gay out of habit but it's a tad incompatible with non binary I guess. I don't really link sex with gender. But I don't quite believe in gender anyway. Shifting Sands. Not always language for what we may want to say.
 
Thinx said:
Non binary. Hmm I usually say gay out of habit but it's a tad incompatible with non binary I guess. I don't really link sex with gender. But I don't quite believe in gender anyway. Shifting Sands. Not always language for what we may want to say.
Click to expand...
I consider gay/non-binary/queer all compatible terms :) Yes totally agree, I really dislike how society puts people into boxes and labels to control us, along with language. It's so constricting. I believe gender expression can be fluid and change over time.
 
SusanLR said:
I consider myself more androgynous and as you stated, what attracts me is a person's soul.
What they are like, not what their body is called. Male/Female.
I'm romantic asexual, what you might call demisexual.
Only had a few close relationships in my life, never married or lived with any of them.
Emotionally I loved them in my own way. Not for sex.
Click to expand...

Interesting thanks for sharing! I believe I've figured out I'm demisexual, sapiosexual and eco sexual. I was asexual until my mid 20s, but I think psychedelics are what's helped me come out of this actually.
 
Misery said:
Aye, I deal with all of the screwball gender stuff myself, even though I dont date or anything. I would definitely go with "androgynous" as well.

The whole thing can be a confusing, frustrating mess, but you're definitely not alone in it.
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing, I have never enjoyed dating either. It's hard for me to integrate someone into my life because I'm so independent and I get annoyed by people easily. It's always felt safer to just like someone from a distance. I'm still figuring out what I want but believe I will meet the right person eventually if I'm supposed to.
 
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