Queerly Autistic 2022-10-09

[VictorR]

VictorR submitted a new resource:

Queerly Autistic - The Ultimate Guide for LGBTQIA+ Teens on the Spectrum

In this empowering and honest guide for LGBTQIA+ autistic teens, Erin Ekins gives you all the tools you need to figure out and explore your gender identity and sexuality.

From coming out to friends and family through to relationships, self-care and coping with bullying, being out and about in the LGBTQIA+ community and undergoing gender transition, this book is filled with essential information, advice, support and resources to help you on your journey, and also works as a primer on all...

Read more about this resource...

 

[VictorR]

Chapter List

Introduction: The Double Rainbow

1 What is LGBTQIA+

2 Figuring It Out: Sexuality

3 Figuring It Out: Gender

4 Coming Out

5 Transitioning

6 LGBTQIA+ Relationships and Friendships

7 Sex

8 Out and About: LGBTQIA+ Spaces

9 Dealing with Bullying, Bigotry and Injustice

Index

 

[VictorR]

Review #31

You know you weren’t part of the target audience when the opening chapter name drops a bunch of celebrities and you haven’t even heard of most of them. Then again, let’s recall that autism is a spectrum, and we all have our own interests, and clearly, the author is someone who seems to be well connected growing up with the internet, internet celebrities, and film/movie celebrities, where as I liked non-fiction books, and the internet during my teen years was one where list-servs were predominant.

While I’ve read other books written by teens and near-teens, this was the first time I’ve read one where the author seems to have grown up with social media, and I’ll start by saying her last chapter, on bullying, includes some reminders of how dangerous the internet can be – for example, how trying to point something out to someone with a lot of followers could result in that person turning their massive fan base against you. With many autistic persons wearing their heart on their sleeves and being more easily triggered, we have to remind ourselves that sometimes when we encounter someone who is saying things we don’t agree with, that unless they are specifically talking to us, that it may be better to ignore and walk away then to engage them.

As for the book in general, it provides an excellent overview of the topics noted in the chapter list, of which some important ones is the importance of finding and being yourself, that it’s okay to be questioning, and that while one is in an questioning/exploratory phase, to remember to respect your own boundaries and not to do something you might not otherwise do just for the sake of conforming with expectations of the identity you’re exploring - and of course, many terms are also fluid in their definitions. It also goes into fandoms and fanfiction as ways of engaging with others and exploring themes, in addition to pornography and how it might be useful and at the same time, dangerous. One other takeaway is the difference between desire and attraction.

One criticism I do have, is that there are tons of references in the book – but they virtually all pertain to those living in the UK. Yes, JKP is a publisher based in Britain, but they are the largest publisher of books on the spectrum and read worldwide, and I felt that a lot of the content, like how one might go about transitioning in the UK, would be irrelevant to me. In my opinion, the UK-specific content should have been moved to an annex, and there was a big missed opportunity to incorporate information on other places, where, for example, even exploring different gender roles could potentially be dangerous.

Score: 5.0/6.0

 

[Matthias]

VictorR submitted a new resource:

Queerly Autistic - The Ultimate Guide for LGBTQIA+ Teens on the Spectrum

Since this book purports to be an "ultimate guide" for LGBTQIA+ issues, I'd like to know how it answers a couple simple and basic questions:

1. How does it define the word "male" or "female." I ask this because it seems impossible for anyone to know or confirm their gender identity without understanding what the words "male" and "female" represent. For example, I know my gender based on the traditional definitions (based on biology/chromosomes) but I have no idea whether I'm male, female, or something else based on more recent beliefs since I couldn't find a newer definition of these words.

2. If gender isn't based on appearance (meaning someone with female breasts can be male or female) then why would a biological male feel a need to get a female breast implant to embrace a female identity? Why couldn't "she" just consider "herself" a woman with a stereotypical male chest?

 

[Misery]

Since this book purports to be an "ultimate guide" for LGBTQIA+ issues, I'd like to know how it answers a couple simple and basic questions:

1. How does it define the word "male" or "female." I ask this because it seems impossible for anyone to know or confirm their gender identity without understanding what the words "male" and "female" represent. For example, I know my gender based on the traditional definitions (based on biology/chromosomes) but I have no idea whether I'm male, female, or something else based on more recent beliefs since I couldn't find a newer definition of these words.

2. If gender isn't based on appearance (meaning someone with female breasts can be male or female) then why would a biological male feel a need to get a female breast implant to embrace a female identity? Why couldn't "she" just consider "herself" a woman with a stereotypical male chest?

Asking those questions is like asking super basic questions about autism and expecting a simplistic answer... it doesnt work, in terms of getting satisfactory answers, I mean.

Particularly that second one. The only way to know the answer to that one is to ask the individual you are curious about, because each one will have a different answer.

As I am always telling people: It's a spectrum, just like with autism. Much like how those of us on the spectrum arent just copies of that stereotypical screaming child that everyone thinks of when they hear "autism", there's no single defined state when it comes to gender identity issues... regardless of what it looks like to any viewer.

Also like autism, it's bloody confusing, particularly for those going through it. Speaking from experience, of course...

 

[VictorR]

Since this book purports to be an "ultimate guide" for LGBTQIA+ issues, I'd like to know how it answers a couple simple and basic questions:

1. How does it define the word "male" or "female." I ask this because it seems impossible for anyone to know or confirm their gender identity without understanding what the words "male" and "female" represent. For example, I know my gender based on the traditional definitions (based on biology/chromosomes) but I have no idea whether I'm male, female, or something else based on more recent beliefs since I couldn't find a newer definition of these words.

2. If gender isn't based on appearance (meaning someone with female breasts can be male or female) then why would a biological male feel a need to get a female breast implant to embrace a female identity? Why couldn't "she" just consider "herself" a woman with a stereotypical male chest?

To start, if you're looking for references on the rainbow, there are others books that are more comprehensive. The objective of this book is to frame things for autistic teens. As I've noted, it's written with a strictly British viewpoint - in Canada, for example, we would be more likely to use "2SLGBTQI+" - recognizing two-spirit persons, and placing it in front in recognition that two-spirit persons have long been a part of many indigenous communities of Turtle Island.

As to defining various identities, the author makes some suggestions, but notes that at the end of the day, it's up to each individual to come up with their own. If you identify as male, then you are male. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks "male" is.

Perhaps a way to look at gender is to approach it the same as religion - there's mainstream ones, less mainstream ones, and even among the big ones, there are many branches and sects, and people might even mix and match concepts from different religions. And of course, religious practices and norms evolve over time as well. As long as someone is genuinely devoted to their beliefs, who is anyone else to question that? (unless, of course, those beliefs involve infringing on other's liberties)

 

[Matthias]

Asking those questions is like asking super basic questions about autism and expecting a simplistic answer... it doesnt work, in terms of getting satisfactory answers, I mean.

Particularly that second one. The only way to know the answer to that one is to ask the individual you are curious about, because each one will have a different answer.

As I am always telling people: It's a spectrum, just like with autism. Much like how those of us on the spectrum arent just copies of that stereotypical screaming child that everyone thinks of when they hear "autism", there's no single defined state when it comes to gender identity issues... regardless of what it looks like to any viewer.

Also like autism, it's bloody confusing, particularly for those going through it. Speaking from experience, of course...

The difference is that autism, like LGB, is clearly defined and clearly exists. Anyone can look up the diagnostic criteria for autism or consult a dictionary for LGB to know what those labels mean and whether they apply to them. Without precise definitions for "male" and "female", it's impossible to determine whether anyone's gender is different than their biological sex which means there is no evidence that transgenderism exists.

 

[Matthias]

As to defining various identities, the author makes some suggestions, but notes that at the end of the day, it's up to each individual to come up with their own. If you identify as male, then you are male. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks "male" is.

Using that logic, if I identify as a cat, I am at cat. If I identify as God, I am God.

 

[Misery]

The difference is that autism, like LGB, is clearly defined and clearly exists. Anyone can look up the diagnostic criteria for autism or consult a dictionary for LGB to know what those labels mean and whether they apply to them. Without precise definitions for "male" and "female", it's impossible to determine whether anyone's gender is different than their biological sex which means there is no evidence that transgenderism exists.

You're taking something that cannot be concretely defined and trying to do so... it makes no sense with things like this.

You may as well be trying to do that with my own emotional/mental state, analyzing it and proving/disproving specifics of it, and I *promise* you, no matter how you might try to analyze me... you cannot. Over 20+ years of actual professionals trying to do that and not one has been able to. And I know I'm far from the only one. If I cannot be analyzed in that way, some others cannot either. Not truly.

Unfortunately for those suffering from gender issues and such, your belief in the problem or concepts behind the problem is not required for the problem to function. If it WAS required, that'd be lovely, and I could escape this accursed tornado of pain myself based on your lack of belief in it. But it isnt. And so it functions regardless.

Instead of trying to constantly read a bunch of books that try to analyze something that is barely even understood (the human brain & mind) and basing everything purely off of that... which to me makes no logical sense whatsoever... why not actually take the time to get to know some people who are going through this sort of thing? "See for yourself", instead of just relying on some words on a page written out by some psychologist or scientist who probably has not experienced it for themselves (and who may have an unwritten bias of their own). Note that "interacting with them" means you cant do that snotty thing where you say stuff like "well I identify as a pile of rocks" or something. Quickest way to anger/insult someone going through this and push them away from you. Even if that's not your intention, that's what it'll do.

Until you've gone and done all of that, gotten to truly know people who are knee-deep in it, you are in no position to make declarations about any of this. Regardless of what you believe or dont believe, or what some book/article says or doesnt say.

Note that all of this is coming from 20+ (30+, actually, it might be, now that I think about it) years of my own *constant* (as in, 24/7) experiences with this messy topic (and explorations of it), and of just as long of interacting with others who have/are going through variants of it (and there are many variants). No amount of mere book or article reading is going to outdo that.

Not all things can approached or defeated or understood by simply waving scientific articles at them. Grasping THAT fact is hard, very hard. But useful, sometimes.

ugh, that's enough typing from me for today I think. Halfway through this my hand started to hurt like heck. Too much keyboard. AGAIN. Why do I do that to myself? Feh. Time for more freaking Advil.

 

[VictorR]

The difference is that autism, like LGB, is clearly defined and clearly exists. Anyone can look up the diagnostic criteria for autism or consult a dictionary for LGB to know what those labels mean and whether they apply to them. Without precise definitions for "male" and "female", it's impossible to determine whether anyone's gender is different than their biological sex which means there is no evidence that transgenderism exists.

I see you have omitted the "T" for trans and more than once, and when read with the rest of the paragraph, it seems you are intentionally trying to deny trans identities. In other words, you are intentionally making transphobic comments.

I'm going to have to remind you that in some jurisdictions, intentional transphobic comments constitute hate speech.

Using that logic, if I identify as a cat, I am at cat. If I identify as God, I am God.

That's a straw man argument.

I'd also like to remind you that this is a book discussion thread, and at this point, you're definitely not discussing the book, and I ask that you cease posting in this thread.

 

[Misery]

I'd also like to remind you that this is a book discussion thread, and at this point, you're definitely not discussing the book, and I ask that you cease posting in this thread.

I'll apologize for this, actually.

I dont mean to be pulling this thread in a direction you hadnt intended it to go. But I just couldnt resist the accursed urge to reply in this case.

I dont know what else to say here.

 

[Rodafina]

Review #31

You know you weren’t part of the target audience when the opening chapter name drops a bunch of celebrities and you haven’t even heard of most of them. Then again, let’s recall that autism is a spectrum, and we all have our own interests, and clearly, the author is someone who seems to be well connected growing up with the internet, internet celebrities, and film/movie celebrities, where as I liked non-fiction books, and the internet during my teen years was one where list-servs were predominant.

While I’ve read other books written by teens and near-teens, this was the first time I’ve read one where the author seems to have grown up with social media, and I’ll start by saying her last chapter, on bullying, includes some reminders of how dangerous the internet can be – for example, how trying to point something out to someone with a lot of followers could result in that person turning their massive fan base against you. With many autistic persons wearing their heart on their sleeves and being more easily triggered, we have to remind ourselves that sometimes when we encounter someone who is saying things we don’t agree with, that unless they are specifically talking to us, that it may be better to ignore and walk away then to engage them.

As for the book in general, it provides an excellent overview of the topics noted in the chapter list, of which some important ones is the importance of finding and being yourself, that it’s okay to be questioning, and that while one is in an questioning/exploratory phase, to remember to respect your own boundaries and not to do something you might not otherwise do just for the sake of conforming with expectations of the identity you’re exploring - and of course, many terms are also fluid in their definitions. It also goes into fandoms and fanfiction as ways of engaging with others and exploring themes, in addition to pornography and how it might be useful and at the same time, dangerous. One other takeaway is the difference between desire and attraction.

One criticism I do have, is that there are tons of references in the book – but they virtually all pertain to those living in the UK. Yes, JKP is a publisher based in Britain, but they are the largest publisher of books on the spectrum and read worldwide, and I felt that a lot of the content, like how one might go about transitioning in the UK, would be irrelevant to me. In my opinion, the UK-specific content should have been moved to an annex, and there was a big missed opportunity to incorporate information on other places, where, for example, even exploring different gender roles could potentially be dangerous.

Score: 5.0/6.0

Thank you very much for this comprehensive and helpful review, @VictorR

 

[musicallessness]

Chapter List

Introduction: The Double Rainbow

1 What is LGBTQIA+

2 Figuring It Out: Sexuality

3 Figuring It Out: Gender

4 Coming Out

5 Transitioning

6 LGBTQIA+ Relationships and Friendships

7 Sex

8 Out and About: LGBTQIA+ Spaces

9 Dealing with Bullying, Bigotry and Injustice

Index

I stumbled on this discussion and chapter 3 about jumped at me because today doing my medicare the lady asked me my gender and then says before I answered I know you're male but now I have to ask. So I googled this on the phone and told her like this question don't make since and it's like you asking me what my sexual orientation is and then I just told her I'm a virgin with some PTSD that I deny having and proud to be virgin and then before that I called the LGBT suicide line just for someone to talk to and her name rose tthat that this photograph on a Tshirt would be a great idea and then she said wants ten percent and I shared the knowledge if business being a community and wealth builds wealth. She thanked and I did the same so hope you all like the photo and I have to read the book. Ps. But what 's interesting as some girls are afraid of girls too.

 

[musicallessness]

I see you have omitted the "T" for trans and more than once, and when read with the rest of the paragraph, it seems you are intentionally trying to deny trans identities. In other words, you are intentionally making transphobic comments.

I'm going to have to remind you that in some jurisdictions, intentional transphobic comments constitute hate speech.



That's a straw man argument.

I'd also like to remind you that this is a book discussion thread, and at this point, you're definitely not discussing the book, and I ask that you cease posting in this thread.

Oh I replied to this discussion about gender and needed to respond to this as I am confused by this labelled condition of this word gender even sex is obscured. But these words may be trying to demoralizing peoe all over the world and I'm just an middle age twink that is confused by all the reasoning that the logical fallacies and circular reasoning that I now face is looping me into, "can't teach this d dog new tricks," and then I want to write about dancing and turning tricks and twerping that I don't think would look good on a middle aged twink.

 

[musicallessness]

Thank you very much for this comprehensive and helpful review, @VictorR

Now I have to read the book thanks for the review