Jared Bevis
New Member
Hello,
New here. I am a parent of a 5 yr old boy. In the middle of our custody dispute, his mother attempts to say that he needs to have this assessment. I have not seen any signs in my son that show he needs to have the assessment. In some of the parent questionnaires we have had to fill out, her answers are starkly different than mine. Usually, he is with me longer than he is there. I have concerns that mother is attempting to boost her own case at that expense.
Now, let me give some of my own background. My younger brother by five years was the first in my immediate family to have kids. His first, my niece, was diagnosed with autism around 2 years old. She does exhibit the "normal" signs that you would look for which is why we were concerned. Currently, she still has trouble with conversation, eye contact, she repeats a phrase from a video over and over throughout the day, etc. I have had close contact with her for the past 12 years so I consider myself to be familiar with those signs.
So, fast-forward to a couple months ago. Mother had my son assessed by a local physician at a clinic that pretty much specializes in Autism. I was not made aware of the date of the assessment until after it was over. Therefore, I had to contact the office, who was told that I knew, and tell them I wanted to meet. When I met with the physician, she told me about things she saw in my son that concerned her.
She mentioned him not asking for help with things if he could not get something open. She mentioned not showing his parent (Mother in this case) things that he had built or made. She mentioned a little less eye contact than normal. She mentioned reading a story to him and then him repeating a phrase verbatim from the story later on when playing.
I told her that most of these things I saw the exact opposite when he was with me. He asks me to open things for him a lot, after I try to give him a chance to do it himself. He always shows me pictures he draws.
Because of my experience with my niece, eye contact when having a conversation was one thing I was paying most attention to as he grew up to see if there were any issues. However, most of the time if he is talking to me and I am doing something else and respond without turning my head, he will take my head in his hands and turn my head so that I am looking at him when I respond, forcing me to make eye contact. I told her this as well.
Finally, I told her I have heard him repeat things from stories, but it is when he is incorporating them into play. As he was doing there. I told her that I keep my niece regularly and have had a lot of experience with her. She will repeat things most of the day, sometimes the same, sometimes different, but always something she has heard or read somewhere. Because of this, I would think I would be able to recognize if my son was doing it as well.
Now, I definitely do not want to deny it if it is true and keep him from getting any help he may need. I was a big proponent in pushing my brother to go through the steps with my niece. I also want to make sure I am not in denial that it, "just can't be with my son." kinda thing. I am also aware that it is a spectrum and that just because he is not doing things the same way as my niece, does not mean he does not have it.
However, I cannot escape the fact that most of the things she said she observed, I have observed the exact opposite. I also cannot help but consider the fact that mother's reality and everyone else's reality is more of a Venn diagram than a complete circle. Which explains her completely different answers to his behavioral questionnaire.
So, because she did not inform me about the assessment, we are going to redo the observation part of the assessment today. It seems like this physician has pretty much made up her mind already so I'm not sure what good it will do. But If everything were taken as true, mother's questionnaire answers and mine, physician's observations and mine, then that would mean he acts a completely different way when he is with his mom than when he is with me.
I wanted to see 1) if that was true, and/or 2) if I could point out that he does do things with me that he may not do with mom. Alternatively, if there are things that I am not picking up on, the physician can show me in real time.
So, all that being said, I just wanted to know if anyone else out there was or had been in the same or similar situation and how you handled it. I am trying to balance wanting to help my son if he needs it, with being guarded about the fact that I am sure mother only did this as a way to have a reason for him to stay with her, the physician only met with her first and only got information from her first, plus the facility deals mainly with Autism and therefore it would benefit them to find some degree of Autism.
Those things, I am finding, are difficult to balance and address simultaneously.
New here. I am a parent of a 5 yr old boy. In the middle of our custody dispute, his mother attempts to say that he needs to have this assessment. I have not seen any signs in my son that show he needs to have the assessment. In some of the parent questionnaires we have had to fill out, her answers are starkly different than mine. Usually, he is with me longer than he is there. I have concerns that mother is attempting to boost her own case at that expense.
Now, let me give some of my own background. My younger brother by five years was the first in my immediate family to have kids. His first, my niece, was diagnosed with autism around 2 years old. She does exhibit the "normal" signs that you would look for which is why we were concerned. Currently, she still has trouble with conversation, eye contact, she repeats a phrase from a video over and over throughout the day, etc. I have had close contact with her for the past 12 years so I consider myself to be familiar with those signs.
So, fast-forward to a couple months ago. Mother had my son assessed by a local physician at a clinic that pretty much specializes in Autism. I was not made aware of the date of the assessment until after it was over. Therefore, I had to contact the office, who was told that I knew, and tell them I wanted to meet. When I met with the physician, she told me about things she saw in my son that concerned her.
She mentioned him not asking for help with things if he could not get something open. She mentioned not showing his parent (Mother in this case) things that he had built or made. She mentioned a little less eye contact than normal. She mentioned reading a story to him and then him repeating a phrase verbatim from the story later on when playing.
I told her that most of these things I saw the exact opposite when he was with me. He asks me to open things for him a lot, after I try to give him a chance to do it himself. He always shows me pictures he draws.
Because of my experience with my niece, eye contact when having a conversation was one thing I was paying most attention to as he grew up to see if there were any issues. However, most of the time if he is talking to me and I am doing something else and respond without turning my head, he will take my head in his hands and turn my head so that I am looking at him when I respond, forcing me to make eye contact. I told her this as well.
Finally, I told her I have heard him repeat things from stories, but it is when he is incorporating them into play. As he was doing there. I told her that I keep my niece regularly and have had a lot of experience with her. She will repeat things most of the day, sometimes the same, sometimes different, but always something she has heard or read somewhere. Because of this, I would think I would be able to recognize if my son was doing it as well.
Now, I definitely do not want to deny it if it is true and keep him from getting any help he may need. I was a big proponent in pushing my brother to go through the steps with my niece. I also want to make sure I am not in denial that it, "just can't be with my son." kinda thing. I am also aware that it is a spectrum and that just because he is not doing things the same way as my niece, does not mean he does not have it.
However, I cannot escape the fact that most of the things she said she observed, I have observed the exact opposite. I also cannot help but consider the fact that mother's reality and everyone else's reality is more of a Venn diagram than a complete circle. Which explains her completely different answers to his behavioral questionnaire.
So, because she did not inform me about the assessment, we are going to redo the observation part of the assessment today. It seems like this physician has pretty much made up her mind already so I'm not sure what good it will do. But If everything were taken as true, mother's questionnaire answers and mine, physician's observations and mine, then that would mean he acts a completely different way when he is with his mom than when he is with me.
I wanted to see 1) if that was true, and/or 2) if I could point out that he does do things with me that he may not do with mom. Alternatively, if there are things that I am not picking up on, the physician can show me in real time.
So, all that being said, I just wanted to know if anyone else out there was or had been in the same or similar situation and how you handled it. I am trying to balance wanting to help my son if he needs it, with being guarded about the fact that I am sure mother only did this as a way to have a reason for him to stay with her, the physician only met with her first and only got information from her first, plus the facility deals mainly with Autism and therefore it would benefit them to find some degree of Autism.
Those things, I am finding, are difficult to balance and address simultaneously.
