Quiet and secretive around family; open and honest around friends. Huh?

[AngelWings17]

I've noticed lately that I'm pretty open and honest when I'm with my friends, but when I'm with my family, I'm quiet and secretive. Why is that? Why am I two complete polar opposites around those two different groups?

 

[DogwoodTree]

I kinda do this...with most people (including extended family like mom and siblings) I'm quiet and "secretive"...um, maybe more "withdrawn" than "secretive"...just not willing to open up and share. With a few friends and with my DH and kids, I'm way more open.

For me, it's a safety issue. My family is really dysfunctional, and most of my friends/acquaintances don't have the experience to understand and relate to who I am and what I'm going through. It boggles their minds.

With DH and the kids, I feel more comfortable with them and just relax more with them (somewhat). With a few friends who seem to have a better understanding of what real trauma-coping and alternative thinking styles are like...they're okay with me being a little more real with them.

Actually, there's no one I trust enough yet to truly be "open" with them, but there are variations depending on how much I feel like the other person can handle my reality.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Your friends are the family you choose.

I'm the same way, have always been. I suspect the genetic components of AS and the conditions that often accompany it have something to do with it, as well. We're more easily hurt by people who know us well; and we're sometimes hard to be with, so we also get hurt more often. It makes perfect sense, to me, to be a little careful at home among "family of origin."

 

[hiraeth]

Yeah. I don't trust my genetic relatives because of reasons that go back many years. Trust is earned, it can't be expected or just given by default.