Danielle Sisco
Dannie
Hello friends,
So this morning I was beating myself up for a fight my spouse had with me yesterday. We were walking on the beach and I noticed some gunk in her tooth that was very distracting. Under normal circumstances I usually just keep my eyes away from her face and not tell her as I have always considered pointing out such things rude and a way to signal out someone. But I have been trying harder to be more communicative. So I BLURTED out that she had gunk caught in her tooth. She kept picking at her teeth in front of me and each time she just smashed it more into her tooth. She kept asking me if it was gone. I would say, "no it's still there." I admit that I was grossed out. I have a weird thing about people mouths. I hate it when they pick their teeth in front of me. So she got upset each time I told her no so she grabs my shirt sleeve to clean it. Oh so got it that time. But I snapped. I said, "please don't use my shirt to clean your teeth."
Even though she was completely in the wrong to disrespect my personal space, she got really angry at me for what?! She told me she does not like spending time with me and I am such a jerk. She apologized, sort of, but she was very defensive saying that my tone of voice and way I told her set her off from the gecko. And I was like, "do you even know how hard it was for me to tell you?" She then mirrored my mannerism back, which as painful as it is to watch, is pretty spot on. And I really did sound like a real jerk. I realized, maybe for the first time, that my words, which were fine when written out, were correct but they were lost in my tone of voice and body language. Well dang! That's why I get into so many fights with the people I love. Great! I do realize my wife was a jerk too, for spitting out words she did not mean. Again though, words mean so little so I shouldn't have taken it so personally. I cried myself to sleep.
Well this morning I woke up and decided that a research session was in order to start formally learning body language and voice tone. I haven't come across anything too helpful with voice tone. Except that I should voice record myself speaking to someone. I did came across a nice informative site of body language. It's actually for a leadership/cultish corporate group but it breaks down a lot of the common body languages and categorizes them into chapters. Sort of like a simple textbook which excited me. I was like, "Eureka! I found something I can memorize that practice."
Here is the link if ya'll are interest.
https://www.westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/toc.html
So, in order to demonstrate and understanding of what we had talked about, I tried a very simple mannerisms and applied them in the correct situation. I am practicing nodding my head in agreement in a slow, drawn out pace. From the above e-book they write that it's a slow head nod conveys that I am interested in what they are saying and I am in agreeance. Orcourse the head shake is the opposite that I disagree or simply I say no. I've known about these but my nods and shakes are either so minimal that one can say I did not respond or they are so obnoxiously fast that I convey that I'm annoyed with the conversation and I want it to be over. It's like, until I took conscious control over my head shakes and nods I did not understand that I was providing mixed signals. So this morning I did slow, but very obvious headshakes and nods and guess what? My wife accepting my responses with enthusiasm and the morning as gone smoothly. Usually she tells me it's like tooth extraction getting this very basic answer from me.
The only thing I really have left to say is, "wow, I cannot believe just how much of an effort and deliberateness I have to experience to do this basic human communication mannerism correctly. It has felt so unnatural to me. It's like, can't a yes or no in a stern voice count? No it cannot possibly suffice. It's " smile and nod my head yes.... frown and shake my head no. No words needed. To me it's topsy turvy but the evidence is that my morning was without any added duress. Just the pain of having to consciously monitor my every physical reaction and how tedious it was.
I did make an excuse to take the garbage out and do an errand in town. And in the car I had a beautiful monologue where I let go of the control..... It felt great! My imaginary passenger thought that I was a blast. LOL!
So this morning I was beating myself up for a fight my spouse had with me yesterday. We were walking on the beach and I noticed some gunk in her tooth that was very distracting. Under normal circumstances I usually just keep my eyes away from her face and not tell her as I have always considered pointing out such things rude and a way to signal out someone. But I have been trying harder to be more communicative. So I BLURTED out that she had gunk caught in her tooth. She kept picking at her teeth in front of me and each time she just smashed it more into her tooth. She kept asking me if it was gone. I would say, "no it's still there." I admit that I was grossed out. I have a weird thing about people mouths. I hate it when they pick their teeth in front of me. So she got upset each time I told her no so she grabs my shirt sleeve to clean it. Oh so got it that time. But I snapped. I said, "please don't use my shirt to clean your teeth."
Even though she was completely in the wrong to disrespect my personal space, she got really angry at me for what?! She told me she does not like spending time with me and I am such a jerk. She apologized, sort of, but she was very defensive saying that my tone of voice and way I told her set her off from the gecko. And I was like, "do you even know how hard it was for me to tell you?" She then mirrored my mannerism back, which as painful as it is to watch, is pretty spot on. And I really did sound like a real jerk. I realized, maybe for the first time, that my words, which were fine when written out, were correct but they were lost in my tone of voice and body language. Well dang! That's why I get into so many fights with the people I love. Great! I do realize my wife was a jerk too, for spitting out words she did not mean. Again though, words mean so little so I shouldn't have taken it so personally. I cried myself to sleep.
Well this morning I woke up and decided that a research session was in order to start formally learning body language and voice tone. I haven't come across anything too helpful with voice tone. Except that I should voice record myself speaking to someone. I did came across a nice informative site of body language. It's actually for a leadership/cultish corporate group but it breaks down a lot of the common body languages and categorizes them into chapters. Sort of like a simple textbook which excited me. I was like, "Eureka! I found something I can memorize that practice."
Here is the link if ya'll are interest.
https://www.westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/toc.html
So, in order to demonstrate and understanding of what we had talked about, I tried a very simple mannerisms and applied them in the correct situation. I am practicing nodding my head in agreement in a slow, drawn out pace. From the above e-book they write that it's a slow head nod conveys that I am interested in what they are saying and I am in agreeance. Orcourse the head shake is the opposite that I disagree or simply I say no. I've known about these but my nods and shakes are either so minimal that one can say I did not respond or they are so obnoxiously fast that I convey that I'm annoyed with the conversation and I want it to be over. It's like, until I took conscious control over my head shakes and nods I did not understand that I was providing mixed signals. So this morning I did slow, but very obvious headshakes and nods and guess what? My wife accepting my responses with enthusiasm and the morning as gone smoothly. Usually she tells me it's like tooth extraction getting this very basic answer from me.
The only thing I really have left to say is, "wow, I cannot believe just how much of an effort and deliberateness I have to experience to do this basic human communication mannerism correctly. It has felt so unnatural to me. It's like, can't a yes or no in a stern voice count? No it cannot possibly suffice. It's " smile and nod my head yes.... frown and shake my head no. No words needed. To me it's topsy turvy but the evidence is that my morning was without any added duress. Just the pain of having to consciously monitor my every physical reaction and how tedious it was.
I did make an excuse to take the garbage out and do an errand in town. And in the car I had a beautiful monologue where I let go of the control..... It felt great! My imaginary passenger thought that I was a blast. LOL!
