Ready For 2024 to Be Over, Among Everything Else.

[Dillon]

So I haven’t had a pleasant day today and on New Year’s Eve of all days but I’ll be so glad when 2024 is officially over. I haven’t had a meltdown in over a week and today just came on through frustration and burnout.

I still 5 months later haven’t been able to get a job since being fired back in July. I was talking to a friend who is NT that I can just attest me not following social standards as other NTs is to why I’m unable to get a job again, still have trouble with interviews to this day.

I was contemplating about the fact how I never felt like I had fit in throughout this year wether it’s connecting back to my former University as an alumni to seek support and guidance or try to volunteer (volunteered with a state park doing habitat restoration work for a month or so weeks but I felt socially disconnected and didn’t feel as I was included after a while). This has been a repeated cycle for many years from grade school to now and honestly I felt things would’ve gotten better and having the sense of inclusiveness and feeling a sense of belonging would come to fruition during adulthood but it’s just been kind of the same. I never really had a enclosed group of individuals during graduate school I could converse with and even then I never had that many friends besides a close couple.

I’ve been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist mainly in part of feeing overwhelmed of how I feel with this issue and it has made me realize I needed much more support than I need on a independent level as if it feels like I am taking a few steps backward.

I am not sure where I’m going with this and I feel as if I’m ranting nonsense but I broke down to my friend just explaining how I felt like I made some mistakes over the years, especially in 2024 and that my autism is just to blame for not putting myself out there more and not doing the correct things in life. I really hate using a disability as an excuse but I was honest and said if I never autistic I wouldn’t be experiencing these barriers of social interaction, barriers to employment, independence, and just being shunned by society in all sense.

I’m I wrong for feeling this way and am I just being overly sensitive? I just felt really lost today.

 

[velociraptor]

I’m I wrong for feeling this way and am I just being overly sensitive?

No, this is a natural feeling. Autism is a huge monkey to have on your back when you're working with NTs, for sure. All I can tell you is that everyone around you is too busy with their problems to do much with your problems and that includes the people who are paid to help you. If there's a fix for it, it has to come from you. I have spent a lot of time and money learning how to read micro expressions, how to read body language, how to understand NT humour, etc. I have also practiced my masking skills. A lot. It's how I can be the hot mess I am and still function in a high pressure job in insurance.

Sorry I haven't got anything to pump you up more, but if you have a resolution for 2025 I would say it is to jump in the driver's seat and steer for yourself this coming year. You're the one who really knows where you want to be so you're the first, best choice.

HNY and all that, mang.

 

[Sherlock77]

I'm no expert but I can feel for you

I'm fortunate here in Canada to have access to both gov't help through an agency and a non-profit agency that is for Autism, with help for employment resources

Not sure if there is anything like that where you live, I just hope the best for you otherwise

 

[Dillon]

No, this is a natural feeling. Autism is a huge monkey to have on your back when you're working with NTs, for sure. All I can tell you is that everyone around you is too busy with their problems to do much with your problems and that includes the people who are paid to help you. If there's a fix for it, it has to come from you. I have spent a lot of time and money learning how to read micro expressions, how to read body language, how to understand NT humour, etc. I have also practiced my masking skills. A lot. It's how I can be the hot mess I am and still function in a high pressure job in insurance.

Sorry I haven't got anything to pump you up more, but if you have a resolution for 2025 I would say it is to jump in the driver's seat and steer for yourself this coming year. You're the one who really knows where you want to be so you're the first, best choice.

HNY and all that, mang.

Thanks, I feel I needed to hear that. I feel I’ve been more aware of myself this year than years prior as this year consisted of me working my very first full time job and being a customer to a 40 hour a week work environment where I feel burned out by the end of the week.
I’ve been researching ways in how to cope with socializing within the NT environment and just learning methods on my own how I can better fit in with my peers like masking. I’ve never really had to do that until this year or to even seek and provide extra support for myself as prior just me thinking about my autism didn’t seem much of an issue and I had a lot of this going for me feeling like I was cruising along then this year happened.
When thinking back though say 10 years ago during highschool I knew I had problems with socializing and personal interaction but that’s because I never learned about myself up until I started college.
Again I’m ranting but just for some reason this year I’ve been so into the fact having autism is such a burden on me than I have any other time. Bad luck I’ve been having I guess.

 

[Dillon]

I'm no expert but I can feel for you

I'm fortunate here in Canada to have access to both gov't help through an agency and a non-profit agency that is for Autism, with help for employment resources

Not sure if there is anything like that where you live, I just hope the best for you otherwise

There are resources in the United States to help me out to a degree. Many organizations and agencies like vocational rehabilitation services and autism support networks I know that are based in Texas are solely designed to help those that have a bit higher support needs and have very low skills in a work environment. Texas is not well known in providing adequate support for helping those with autism and is actually one of the worst states to support the needs of those who end up at a point they can’t live independent and have much higher support needs. Besides having speech therapy in elementary school, I actually don’t receive much support as I’ve been told by a vocational rehabilitation group who is suppose to help disabled and neurodivergent individuals with job placement that I’m highly educated, have a advanced degree and I live well on my own thus I don’t qualify for job placement services. I am just like are you kidding me, just because I have low support needs does not mean I don’t have issues I struggle with such as some socialization issues in job interviews. I am getting better on interviews just on my own but the burnout from practicing is ridiculous. Therapy is the only thing that’s been a reliable source as of right now.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, it's kinda of like a bubble effect for me. l realize that l walk around in a bubble, and l rely on asking questions to clarify situations, job requests, etc. My last two jobs, my bosses were ND, and we got along well. Or if l work alone such as retail or administrative, l do quite well. So jobs that have a social aspect with the other employees can feel a bit weird unless they are ND also.