Realization

[daniegirl6224]

I don’t understand drama, manipulation, and mind games. Like I literally cannot understand it. And I cannot relate to other people’s anger. I also don’t understand doing wrong to others, I always have good intentions. Is anyone else like this?

 

[Judge]

I think you'll find a number of us have some unusual "deficits" in many varied areas. I don't have a sense of envy or jealousy, yet I can often witness it in others. Makes no sense. Equally I can have great difficulty with sarcasm pointed towards me personally.

We're a complex lot...to say the least. And in the case of many of us, while I do experience empathy, I don't necessarily project it in a way in which our neurotypical counterparts can immediately see.

As for what you experience, I know as a child I did not truly understand such things. Made being bullying particularly painful as it made no sense. Though as I grew up and studied things like political science and law, I feel I have a much greater understanding of man's lowest forms of human behavior.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Yes, I get that, and I believe so do many others here.

Unlike @Judge, I struggle greatly with envy or jealousy. It probably has to do with my low self-esteem, perfectionism, and setting too high goals for myself. I can also understand anger very well.

But I have never in my life understood people's habit of, during a fight, deviating from the topic at hand. I've been in fights where the other person would suddenly start being mean about all kinds of things completely unrelated to this particular fight, simply to hurt me. And I have observed this to be a normal thing: fights escalate, and people start fighting about completely unrelated things which they find annoying about the other person, and say things simply to hurt them.
I have never understood this phenomenon. If I fight, I only stay at the topic at hand. And, maybe, because of that, I am especially vulnerable when people to this to me. Because, to me, there is no other intention behind this than to simply hurt someone further, and I can't grasp that concept.

I understand drama, manipulation, and mind games in a theoretical way. I love true crime and police and detective shows, and have read a huge amount of crime, thriller, etc. And am very interested in mental health and psychiatry. So I know about those things, I know that they exist, and I can analyze them. But I still have big trouble recognizing them as they're happening in the moment. It's more that I sympathize in the moment, because the person makes sense, but afterwards learn from someone else that that was manipulative, etc.
During my whole school career, I had a big problem with people taking advantage of me, using me e.g. to help them study or to copy my work, or to blame me for things which were not my fault.

 

[Judge]

Yes, I get that, and I believe so do many others here.

Unlike @Judge, I struggle greatly with envy or jealousy.

In all the years I've been here, I think I've encountered only one or two other persons who seem to have a "void" of jealousy and envy. I'm not even sure it's related to autism.

To date I have no idea of the whys of it all....only that it "is".

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I don’t understand drama, manipulation, and mind games. Like I literally cannot understand it. And I cannot relate to other people’s anger. I also don’t understand doing wrong to others, I always have good intentions. Is anyone else like this?

100%

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

From childhood I have believed that everyone is good, has good intentions and is loving and kind. I've always "known" that all people are equal and we should all be nice. I absolutely don't understand why people are hurtful and mean.

Needless to say, my life has been an education about how what I "knew" as a child, is in fact, not true at all. There are people out there who have no conscience and no caring for others.

 

[daniegirl6224]

I think you'll find a number of us have some unusual "deficits" in many varied areas. I don't have a sense of envy or jealousy, yet I can often witness it in others. Makes no sense. Equally I can have great difficulty with sarcasm pointed towards me personally.

We're a complex lot...to say the least. And in the case of many of us, while I do experience empathy, I don't necessarily project it in a way in which our neurotypical counterparts can immediately see.

As for what you experience, I know as a child I did not truly understand such things. Made being bullying particularly painful as it made no sense. Though as I grew up and studied things like political science and law, I feel I have a much greater understanding of man's lowest forms of human behavior.

So fascinating!
I have only experienced envy/jealousy once in my life.
I also do not understand sarcasm or bullying.

 

[daniegirl6224]

Yes, I get that, and I believe so do many others here.

Unlike @Judge, I struggle greatly with envy or jealousy. It probably has to do with my low self-esteem, perfectionism, and setting too high goals for myself. I can also understand anger very well.

But I have never in my life understood people's habit of, during a fight, deviating from the topic at hand. I've been in fights where the other person would suddenly start being mean about all kinds of things completely unrelated to this particular fight, simply to hurt me. And I have observed this to be a normal thing: fights escalate, and people start fighting about completely unrelated things which they find annoying about the other person, and say things simply to hurt them.
I have never understood this phenomenon. If I fight, I only stay at the topic at hand. And, maybe, because of that, I am especially vulnerable when people to this to me. Because, to me, there is no other intention behind this than to simply hurt someone further, and I can't grasp that concept.

I understand drama, manipulation, and mind games in a theoretical way. I love true crime and police and detective shows, and have read a huge amount of crime, thriller, etc. And am very interested in mental health and psychiatry. So I know about those things, I know that they exist, and I can analyze them. But I still have big trouble recognizing them as they're happening in the moment. It's more that I sympathize in the moment, because the person makes sense, but afterwards learn from someone else that that was manipulative, etc.
During my whole school career, I had a big problem with people taking advantage of me, using me e.g. to help them study or to copy my work, or to blame me for things which were not my fault.

I also do not understand why people bring up topics other than the topic at hand during fights. And I also do not understand how people are intentionally mean to eachother, in any siatuation

 

[daniegirl6224]

100%

Love it that you get it!

 

[daniegirl6224]

From childhood I have believed that everyone is good, has good intentions and is loving and kind. I've always "known" that all people are equal and we should all be nice. I absolutely don't understand why people are hurtful and mean.

Needless to say, my life has been an education about how what I "knew" as a child, is in fact, not true at all. There are people out there who have no conscience and no caring for others.

I agree, I don’t understand why people are mean and hurtful. Do you always have good intentions too then?

 

[grommet]

I don’t understand drama, manipulation, and mind games. Like I literally cannot understand it. And I cannot relate to other people’s anger. I also don’t understand doing wrong to others, I always have good intentions. Is anyone else like this?

For a long time I did not understand why there were locks on things. If something is not yours, you should not touch it. It still confuses me some but I read something by a biologist who explained with the example of some seabirds. He said hunting takes energy and animals to survive always want to conserve energy. Some of the seabirds will see it is easier to steal the fish from a bird who caught it. He said some of the birds will be that way but they cannot all be or there would be no fish at all. I guess this is about stealing. It still troubles me.

I do not understand treating people badly. People know how it feels to be teased and have someone hurt there feelings so why would they do it to someone? I cannot make sense of that. I understand when we are emotional we have less reason, this always happens to me. I can see making a hurtful mistake then but to do it calmly, that I cannot accept.

Thinking people have good intentions has gotten me into trouble. Strangers have come up to warn me that someone was mistreating me and I did not know it.

 

[grommet]

From childhood I have believed that everyone is good, has good intentions and is loving and kind. I've always "known" that all people are equal and we should all be nice. I absolutely don't understand why people are hurtful and mean.

Needless to say, my life has been an education about how what I "knew" as a child, is in fact, not true at all. There are people out there who have no conscience and no caring for others.

It hurts when you find out things are not what you thought. I still have to keep certain things in mind so I can keep myself safer. Without telling the long story, years ago a man broke into my house and when I confronted him in my hallway he said he thought it was his grandmother's place. It made me pause for a second. I am glad I thought quickly and realized he was lying but his trick worked for a moment.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I agree, I don’t understand why people are mean and hurtful. Do you always have good intentions too then?

I never intentionally hurt someone. I have fought back in arguments, but not with meaness. Sometimes I have unintentionally hurt someone. Or I have been young and stupid. This bothers me a lot and for a long time.

I have spent my life trying to do good things for people. I got better at it as I got older.

 

[AuAL]

In my opinion The Animals’ version was the best:
“But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.”
I try to live my life by the first line, but the second has come back to bite me quite a number of times. @WhitewaterWoman, I remember and ruminate on these for years.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Sometimes I have unintentionally hurt someone. Or I have been young and stupid. This bothers me a lot and for a long time.

I'm the same. When I was a child, I've participated in ostracizing a friend without realizing it. My naivete made me a very easy to influence pushover for a long time. I still feel awful about that. I had no bad intentions at the time, but I participated. I only realized what had happened years later. Those things can haunt you for a long time.