Really need your advice please?

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Dear forum

This is my very first post and I would like to start by saying how helpful your stories and advice have been in the past few weeks since I first began searching for some guidance on my em ex BF who I strongly suspect is on the asbergers spectrum.

I would be grateful fur any advice thoughts and feedback you can give me please....

I am what you guys call an NT and 2 months ago met a wonderful man and we embarked on a very exciting loving relationship. Within days we were practically inseparable, going on romantic dates, beach walks, pottering around in the garden, cooking and living each other's company. We always stayed over at my home (as he had rented his place due to the fact he was about to leave for a 6 mth work secondment 8 hours north of the area we both live (therefore was temporarily living with family).

We are both in our 40's, he is a devoted dad to his 2 teenage daughters and has a respectful amicable relationship with his ex wife - they divorced 7 years ago He has had one serious 3 yr relationship since then. I have had 3 long term relationships which unfortunately didn't progress to marriage and kids, but had planned to be a single mum (with the support of a lifelong male friend as my donor) and the support of my very close family next year. I planned this option as I didn't want to 'settle' for the wrong guy or pressure any new guy/relationship into my timescales.

However I didn't foresee falling so completely head over heels for this amazing, handsome attentive caring man!

Due to the fact he was leaving so imminently, I did not feel it was fair or appropriate to bring up the subject of my baby plan - but we both discussed generally what we wanted in out futures and our goals seemed very very similar.

We agreed to continue our relationship when he left and travel to each other weekly on days off and I was very excited about the life we were planning together. He was excited about showing me off to his new colleagues and exploring his new 'home' area together.

He was loving attentive and completely devoted to me. I had never been happier! Altho I did notice his voice was monotone and his texts were formal, we told each other we loved each other and he was tactile and physically affectionate. He held doors open and literally could not do enough for me. He told me I was everything he had ever wanted and felt lucky every day he had found me. Said he felt he had a chance to start over and have his dream life with me as we had so much In common and wanted the sane things. I felt exactly the same.

The weekend before he left (two weekends ago) his texts were colder than usual and we seemed to be bickering. I over reacted and said I felt if he couldnt be bothered to see me before he left what would it be like when he was 100s of miles away. Everything escalated abd the more I asked for reassurance the more he retreated. His texts had always been formal (which baffled me) but I panicked and said we should just 'forget it' and I would go back to the plans I had in place before we met. In hindsight I was protecting myself from getting hurt and subconsciously testing his live for me /looking for reassurance that he really intended to keep his promises.

He said 'ok then' and I instantly regretted my harsh words and asked if we could speak face to face.

When he came around he
seemed happy to see me but I launched into a big speech about how I didn't want to wait around unless he could prove his love etc. He started blinking and holding his head as tho he was about to pass out. He got up and told me he had to go. Took my jets off his Keyring and said 'sorry I have to go'. He couldn't look at me and was stuff as a board when I tried to hug him and ask him to stay and talk. (I regret the way I handled this sooo much)

I had bought him lots of gifts for leaving and he had lots of stuff at mine but he walked out without any of them.

In the days before he left I text to try to calm things down and suggest we meet and talk. He refused. On the morning he was leaving we spoke for over an hour on the phone and he said he felt he seemed to always be upsetting me and he didn't want that. I suggested we stay in touch and let him settle in (he was extremely stressed about moving and leaving everyone) and perhaps we could reconnect. He said he 'always stayed friends after relationships ended' but didnt see any way back.

I was devastated but stayed calm and just asked him to travel safe and to please let me know he was there safe and everything was ok.

He did send me a couple of friendly but formal messages to let me know he was ok (no kisses or affection) just basic info.

I was going overseas for a week and he wished me a safe flight and to have a good time. I said 'thanks x' and didn't contact him for the next 10 days. My heart was breaking every minute but I wanted to let him settle in and perhaps remember what we had without constant messages and texts from me.

This weekend I sent him a message saying I missed him and would he consider giving things a second chance now that the stress of him leaving had subsides etc. I told him I had used the time to reflect and that I felt I understood him better (I has realised he was perhaps Aspie but did not say this). I said I would like to have the opportunity to prove I could have more faith in us without looking for emotional reassurance from him etc.

He didn't respond for 4 days - and his message said 'your messages went I to my junk folder. I am fine hope you are too. Busy just now but will get back to you'.

Nothing at all since.

I have sent a few short chatty upbeat messages just to try to lighten things and restart our conversation but nothing.

I miss him so much and am devastated I may have lost him by being too emotionally demanding before he left ((( when he was already understandably stressed ((

His daughter has asbergers and I think his dad also - he says he was tested at school but it was inconclusive.

What do I do?

Do I give up now?

I've heard Aspergers traits are typically to close down and move on very decisivel(

I don't want to live in hope and ruin my Christmas by continuing to feel as awful as I do just now ((

I will always be glad I met him as he is the most wonderful man I've ever known but I wonder if what we had was perhaps just the 'honeymoon period' that many aspie men embark upon when originally infatuated?

Any thoughts or advice?

So sorry for the novel ((( x x

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard.
I'm sorry to hear things fizzled a bit, I hope they will reignite. I imagine the stress of moving would be totally overwhelming, maybe continue basic friendly messages for a while and avoid the "relationship" subject unless he addresses it? I honestly don't know, and have no professional advice giving experience. Just my opinion. Best wishes.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Thank you so much! I was so undecided as to whether to just be 'light' and avoid heavy emotional stuff. But lots of threads seemed to suggest that it was important to reassure the person you had used the time to reflect and as a result had a better understanding of the person. Ie wouldn't repeat the same (demanding/emotional) mistakes which clearly freaked him out ((( if only I could have known what I know now...I would have been calm and supportive (kept my silly worries to myself) (((( x

 

[wyverary]

This is a very complicated story, and as such, I can't offer a simple solution. I can safely say, though, that Aspies are in general quite bad at communicating via text message, hell, even most NT's are very bad at communicating via text, as it's very difficult to determine what the true meaning is behind each one. I think the only way to resolve this is by speaking directly. And when you did, I would venture to guess (though I could be completely wrong!) that he is simply feeling overwhelmed with everything...travel is stressful on anyone, especially with those on the autism spectrum who can easily be overloaded by new surroundings. I think the only thing you can do is have a direct conversation with him in person, when you are both settled down a little bit.

I hope I'm not being to presumptuous here. I do hope you can find some advice from the Aspies, and loved ones of those on the spectrum, on this forum. So, welcome.

xoxo
wyv

 

[Ste11aeres]

Dear forum

This is my very first post and I would like to start by saying how helpful your stories and advice have been in the past few weeks since I first began searching for some guidance on my em ex BF who I strongly suspect is on the asbergers spectrum.

I would be grateful fur any advice thoughts and feedback you can give me please....

I am what you guys call an NT and 2 months ago met a wonderful man and we embarked on a very exciting loving relationship. Within days we were practically inseparable, going on romantic dates, beach walks, pottering around in the garden, cooking and living each other's company. We always stayed over at my home (as he had rented his place due to the fact he was about to leave for a 6 mth work secondment 8 hours north of the area we both live (therefore was temporarily living with family).

We are both in our 40's, he is a devoted dad to his 2 teenage daughters and has a respectful amicable relationship with his ex wife - they divorced 7 years ago He has had one serious 3 yr relationship since then. I have had 3 long term relationships which unfortunately didn't progress to marriage and kids, but had planned to be a single mum (with the support of a lifelong male friend as my donor) and the support of my very close family next year. I planned this option as I didn't want to 'settle' for the wrong guy or pressure any new guy/relationship into my timescales.

However I didn't foresee falling so completely head over heels for this amazing, handsome attentive caring man!

Due to the fact he was leaving so imminently, I did not feel it was fair or appropriate to bring up the subject of my baby plan - but we both discussed generally what we wanted in out futures and our goals seemed very very similar.

We agreed to continue our relationship when he left and travel to each other weekly on days off and I was very excited about the life we were planning together. He was excited about showing me off to his new colleagues and exploring his new 'home' area together.

He was loving attentive and completely devoted to me. I had never been happier! Altho I did notice his voice was monotone and his texts were formal, we told each other we loved each other and he was tactile and physically affectionate. He held doors open and literally could not do enough for me. He told me I was everything he had ever wanted and felt lucky every day he had found me. Said he felt he had a chance to start over and have his dream life with me as we had so much In common and wanted the sane things. I felt exactly the same.

The weekend before he left (two weekends ago) his texts were colder than usual and we seemed to be bickering. I over reacted and said I felt if he couldnt be bothered to see me before he left what would it be like when he was 100s of miles away. Everything escalated abd the more I asked for reassurance the more he retreated. His texts had always been formal (which baffled me) but I panicked and said we should just 'forget it' and I would go back to the plans I had in place before we met. In hindsight I was protecting myself from getting hurt and subconsciously testing his live for me /looking for reassurance that he really intended to keep his promises.

He said 'ok then' and I instantly regretted my harsh words and asked if we could speak face to face.

When he came around he
seemed happy to see me but I launched into a big speech about how I didn't want to wait around unless he could prove his love etc. He started blinking and holding his head as tho he was about to pass out. He got up and told me he had to go. Took my jets off his Keyring and said 'sorry I have to go'. He couldn't look at me and was stuff as a board when I tried to hug him and ask him to stay and talk. (I regret the way I handled this sooo much)

I had bought him lots of gifts for leaving and he had lots of stuff at mine but he walked out without any of them.

In the days before he left I text to try to calm things down and suggest we meet and talk. He refused. On the morning he was leaving we spoke for over an hour on the phone and he said he felt he seemed to always be upsetting me and he didn't want that. I suggested we stay in touch and let him settle in (he was extremely stressed about moving and leaving everyone) and perhaps we could reconnect. He said he 'always stayed friends after relationships ended' but didnt see any way back.

I was devastated but stayed calm and just asked him to travel safe and to please let me know he was there safe and everything was ok.

He did send me a couple of friendly but formal messages to let me know he was ok (no kisses or affection) just basic info.

I was going overseas for a week and he wished me a safe flight and to have a good time. I said 'thanks x' and didn't contact him for the next 10 days. My heart was breaking every minute but I wanted to let him settle in and perhaps remember what we had without constant messages and texts from me.

This weekend I sent him a message saying I missed him and would he consider giving things a second chance now that the stress of him leaving had subsides etc. I told him I had used the time to reflect and that I felt I understood him better (I has realised he was perhaps Aspie but did not say this). I said I would like to have the opportunity to prove I could have more faith in us without looking for emotional reassurance from him etc.

He didn't respond for 4 days - and his message said 'your messages went I to my junk folder. I am fine hope you are too. Busy just now but will get back to you'.

Nothing at all since.

I have sent a few short chatty upbeat messages just to try to lighten things and restart our conversation but nothing.

I miss him so much and am devastated I may have lost him by being too emotionally demanding before he left ((( when he was already understandably stressed ((

His daughter has asbergers and I think his dad also - he says he was tested at school but it was inconclusive.

What do I do?

Do I give up now?

I've heard Aspergers traits are typically to close down and move on very decisivel(

I don't want to live in hope and ruin my Christmas by continuing to feel as awful as I do just now ((

I will always be glad I met him as he is the most wonderful man I've ever known but I wonder if what we had was perhaps just the 'honeymoon period' that many aspie men embark upon when originally infatuated?

Any thoughts or advice?

So sorry for the novel ((( x x

What really happened? It was bad reactions to the stress of him moving away.

I've heard Aspergers traits are typically to close down and move on

Not always. The danger to your relationship isn't the fact that he might have Aspergers-it's the fact that you knew each other for such a short period of time, and regardless of how much you fell for each other, there wasn't enough time to have that kind of bonding that only occurs with a long period of time-it's that bonding that sustains a relationship during long absences.

I wonder if what we had was perhaps just the 'honeymoon period' that many aspie men embark upon when originally infatuated?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about that. Also, people say that most relationships have a "honeymoon" period, regardless of whether the two persons are Aspies or NTs.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Wow. Thank you so much for these replies!

I totally agree that we simply didn't have enough time to know each other! To learn and grow and understand each other as a couple

Any spectrum 'traits' definitely are secondary to this story!

I guess my main regret is not knowing or understanding how much more difficult it must have been for him to listen to me adding my concerns on top of the already stressful stuff in his head.

I've read that the shut down type event I think he had at my home last time he came to my home would have been hugely difficult and overwhelming for him (( can't get his lovely kind face out if my mind and how his eyes were blinking and he looked so dazed (

I had no clue ((

You guys are so supportive thank you! X

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Hi again

I still had no reply at all from my ex.

I sent a short friendly message 2 days ago asking how he was and telling him a few funny things about the work project he was helping me with before he left. (In the hope he would find it easier to respond to than my 'can we try to sort things out' message last weekend.

He was always very prompt at replying as he is so polite.

I fear he has just drawn a line under 'us'

But he is confident and forthright enough to say how he feels, so perhaps it's a good sign that he hasn't yet said he does not wish any further contact between us?

Oh who knows (

I agree with earlier poster - speaking in person would be so much better but I don't want to harass him or stress him out!

There is a (cheap)flight out to his new location this weekend. Am so tempted to book it and just message him when I'm there to say if or when he has time in his schedule could we chat but with no pressure?

Bad idea? (((( ?

Help!

 

[camerartus]

I lost my aspie friend through Facebook stupidity. I can't even get on Facebook anymore because there are too many reminders, which has caused one or two friends to think that I don't like them anymore. Of course, there was nothing to prevent them from calling me but, double standards being what they are...
I'm also not an aspie.
In your case, his relationship with his son is a good indicator that he might just need time. In my case, she has too many codependent friends that she's mistakingly thought were stable NT's.

 

[Ste11aeres]

There is a (cheap)flight out to his new location this weekend. Am so tempted to book it and just message him when I'm there to say if or when he has time in his schedule could we chat but with no pressure?

That would come across as stalking-ish.

I think that instead of sending him messages about trivial chit chat, you should write him a letter (not too emotional; the letter should have a spirit of calmness and peace), about what happened, maybe with a bit of a (calm) apology, and a wellthought-through explanation, and include in it something about how you still feel about him.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

That would come across as stalking-ish.

I think that instead of sending him messages about trivial chit chat, you should write him a letter (not too emotional; the letter should have a spirit of calmness and peace), about what happened, maybe with a bit of a (calm) apology, and a wellthought-through explanation, and include in it something about how you still feel about him.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Thank you for your advice.

I could take the silence and uncertainty no longer, so I sent him a whatsapp on Friday and asked him if he could call me when convenient.

He replied straight away with 'hi everything ok?' (First I've heard from him in over 2 wks)

I replied 'yes everything is fine thank you but given that's a week since I sent a suggestion to reconnect, the uncertainty could adversity affect me soon. therefore I would like to chat when you have time please. Roles reversed I would do so without hesitation so I would appreciate it thanks x'

Unbelievably he called straight away (thought he would shut down and avoid it).

We had an hour long conversation where he spoke in his very calm unemotional matter of fact way, didn't sound sad in the slightest and when I asked if he missed me he avoided answering. I asked if he had intended to reply to my suggestion to try again - again he didn't answer.

I was very calm and gentle throughout the call.

I explained to him how it felt to have been swept off my feet, have him move into my life, make himself practically indispensible, and to have fast forwarded physical intimacy etc (I usually take at least a few months before progressing to that point) due to his insistence that it was ok to do so because we were 'forever' and he wanted a future with me.... only to then have him walk away without a backward glance, without a goodbye and no contact since. All over a few minor arguments which both occurred because of being stressed about him leaving.

He calmly said he had not considered us getting back together, no. It was too much of a mess at the end and he felt I had put undue drama on top of a very difficult time fir him (leaving for a new job).

I asked if he would be happy then not to ever see me again? And did he genuinely feel we could find what we just had in each other? (I reminded him we had both searched for many years to find the connection and the shared goals we found in each other). He didn't answer other than to say he was not thinking of that right now. I asked him why he didn't feel he wanted me to come out to the island to reconnect as friends even and to use the next six months to enjoy him being in such a lovely place, visit each other and let things grow and develop again. He said all he could think of was the bad stuff at the end and although he didn't blame me, his personality couldn't get past it.

I reminded him he had gone back and forth to his ex gf who is Russian and who took money from him constantly and had a very dangerous criminal (convicted drug dealer) son living at the house they shared which compromised his job as a police officer. (He and I are both from very upstanding decent close families) yet two arguments and he cut me dead?

He said it was 'different' as he had practical ties to her as they had lived together and ours was a shorter but much more intense relationship.

He didn't wish me well or offerany words of comfort or regret at this huge change of heart - which a few weeks before Christmas I've told him has left me confused hurt and quite devastated, given we had planned to spend it together.

I wished him well thanked him for the beautiful times we had shared and said goodbye.

I deleted all traces of him from every device and proceeded to sob uncontrollably since. Haven't eaten or slept and have lost 18lbs in the last 2 weeks.

Am in shock. Feel used and discarded and naive to have allowed myself to be taken in as I was. It took me years to trust anyone and let them into my heart/home - and this has done untold damage to my confidence and ability to trust ever again.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Thank you for your advice.

I could take the silence and uncertainty no longer, so I sent him a whatsapp on Friday and asked him if he could call me when convenient.

He replied straight away with 'hi everything ok?' (First I've heard from him in over 2 wks)

I replied 'yes everything is fine thank you but given that's a week since I sent a suggestion to reconnect, the uncertainty could adversity affect me soon. therefore I would like to chat when you have time please. Roles reversed I would do so without hesitation so I would appreciate it thanks x'

Unbelievably he called straight away (thought he would shut down and avoid it).

We had an hour long conversation where he spoke in his very calm unemotional matter of fact way, didn't sound sad in the slightest and when I asked if he missed me he avoided answering. I asked if he had intended to reply to my suggestion to try again - again he didn't answer.

I was very calm and gentle throughout the call.

I explained to him how it felt to have been swept off my feet, have him move into my life, make himself practically indispensible, and to have fast forwarded physical intimacy etc (I usually take at least a few months before progressing to that point) due to his insistence that it was ok to do so because we were 'forever' and he wanted a future with me.... only to then have him walk away without a backward glance, without a goodbye and no contact since. All over a few minor arguments which both occurred because of being stressed about him leaving.

He calmly said he had not considered us getting back together, no. It was too much of a mess at the end and he felt I had put undue drama on top of a very difficult time fir him (leaving for a new job).

I asked if he would be happy then not to ever see me again? And did he genuinely feel we could find what we just had in each other? (I reminded him we had both searched for many years to find the connection and the shared goals we found in each other). He didn't answer other than to say he was not thinking of that right now. I asked him why he didn't feel he wanted me to come out to the island to reconnect as friends even and to use the next six months to enjoy him being in such a lovely place, visit each other and let things grow and develop again. He said all he could think of was the bad stuff at the end and although he didn't blame me, his personality couldn't get past it.

I reminded him he had gone back and forth to his ex gf who is Russian and who took money from him constantly and had a very dangerous criminal (convicted drug dealer) son living at the house they shared which compromised his job as a police officer. (He and I are both from very upstanding decent close families) yet two arguments and he cut me dead?

He said it was 'different' as he had practical ties to her as they had lived together and ours was a shorter but much more intense relationship.

He didn't wish me well or offerany words of comfort or regret at this huge change of heart - which a few weeks before Christmas I've told him has left me confused hurt and quite devastated, given we had planned to spend it together.

I wished him well thanked him for the beautiful times we had shared and said goodbye.

I deleted all traces of him from every device and proceeded to sob uncontrollably since. Haven't eaten or slept and have lost 18lbs in the last 2 weeks.

Am in shock. Feel used and discarded and naive to have allowed myself to be taken in as I was. It took me years to trust anyone and let them into my heart/home - and this has done untold damage to my confidence and ability to trust ever again.

Lots of hugs. I'm really sorry it ended in this way.
He clearly should never have said those things early on about you guys being forever, and wanting a future with you, especially not as a way to pressure you into intimacy, and if he wasn't absolutely sure that those words were true, it was wrong to say them. And if at the time he thought that they were true, and yet he was able to change his mind so quickly...well, there's something very immature in that. At the end, you acted very well, and the bad ending is not your fault at well. If his feelings for you had been more deeply rooted, the way that you contacted and talked at the end would have won him over.

I hope my words aren't increasing your pain. You did well, and the bad ending isn't your fault.

I hope you will consider continuing to frequent this forum; you seem like a lovely person, and Aspies Central is a nice community.
Anyway, lots of hugs from us here.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Thanks for your kind words.

My neighbour (and friend) popped in to visit as she saw my blinds were closed and I hadn't been outside!

She is a relationship therapist and trained counsellor so the chat with her was life-changing.

She met my ex as he practically moved in as I said, and knew that the 'whirlwind' nature of our relationship was very out of character. She listened intently and said pretty much what you did - that I should be proud of my conduct and for acknowledging my part in the silly stressy arguments - for being brave enough to fight for him, in spite of feeling vulnerable due to past disappointments and heartbreaks. He should be ashamed of himself - disgraceful behaviour.

At best he was immature (at 41!? With 2 kids and a police officer?) - at worst he was a VERY singleminded thoughtless and arrorogant individual who saw moving into my gorgeous home, eating lovely meals and hanging out with me as a 'convenient' way to fill the time before he left for his new job as opposwd to lodging with his parents! Either way it was completely unacceptable, extremely cruel and unforgivable. There will be NO more tears, time or emotion wasted on him!

I now see it all for what it was and it has been a very valuable experience. I ALMOST fell for and waited for someone who would ultimately never have treated me properly. I was blindsided by this tall, gorgeous, polite man - but in reality it was a short-term 'act' of chivalry and charm. Had I kept quiet (and not raised the point I did about his lack of contact/detach ness etc before he left, no doubt he would have gladly let me fly back and forth to see him, as long as I didn't 'rock the boat' we would have been together for an indefinite period I expect. He stuck with his other relationships till it 'suited him' to move on.

Thank god I saw his true colours now as opposed to later. I want to have a child next year and given his family link with asbergers I would be adding to the risk for my child, as well as potentially being on the receiving end of a loveless, cold, affection less marriage to an insincere man, who would just let things 'run' if I hadn't asked any questions or demanded to be treated properly.

Lucky, lucky escape!

I will be removing every trace of him from my home, erasing him from my memory and moving on feeling VERY relieved and happy! I have my own business, a lovely home by the beach, a fantastic family, loads of friends and lifelong male friends who have offered to help me with my family dream!

I will spend some time working on WHY I was taken in by him, and why my reaction was so acute. Perhaps this hints at a neediness I had no clue existed!? A great opportunity to make sure I eliminate it!! Everyone deserves to be respected and I feel so desperately sorry for the many hundreds if NT women I see on forums waiting literally years in the hope of their aspie coming back to them! NO CHANCE is this happening here on my watch! ))

There is a whole big world out there, loads of lovely sincere decent people and I intend to enjoy every moment I have in it?

Thanks for your support. Wish everyone on here a great Festive Period. I hate to generalise and dint mean to cause any offence, but if I ever saw similar traits to my un diagnosed aspie ex, I shall be running for the hills!

Best Wishes x

 

[Ste11aeres]

I now see it all for what it was and it has been a very valuable experience. I ALMOST fell for and waited for someone who would ultimately never have treated me properly. I was blindsided by this tall, gorgeous, polite man - but in reality it was a short-term 'act' of chivalry and charm. Had I kept quiet (and not raised the point I did about his lack of contact/detach ness etc before he left, no doubt he would have gladly let me fly back and forth to see him, as long as I didn't 'rock the boat' we would have been together for an indefinite period I expect. He stuck with his other relationships till it 'suited him' to move on.

Thank god I saw his true colours now as opposed to later.

That's the thing about fights. As horrible as they are, the period after them usually reveals the truth things about each person and about the relationship.
In happy cases, the reconciliation reveals that the bond is real. In sad-yet-good cases, (as in your case) a bad truth that is revealed-which needed to be known. In the worst cases, the two persons refuse to learn anything, and a bad relationship continues.

Thanks for your support. Wish everyone on here a great Festive Period. I hate to generalise and dint mean to cause any offence, but if I ever saw similar traits to my un diagnosed aspie ex, I shall be running for the hills!

No offense taken. There are both good and bad persons among both Aspies and NTs. We don't all have the same traits.

 

[Ste11aeres]

ConfusedNTgirl
P.S., this guy has a unique perspective of the good aspects of a break up happening right before the holidays.

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

Thank you again for your insight and support!

You are doing a great job on here )

I lost count of the hundreds of people (mostly female) asking for advice on other forums- when I was searching myself- saying they had been dumped, ex had gone online dating etc but STILL trying to justify waiting for some crumbs of affection. I pray that they gain the self esteem and self respect to move on!!! Breaks my heart to see it ((

UPDATE - just had a message from him (no idea how as I've blocked him on everything) - saying lots of lovey things, trying to open up communication! The audacity!!!

My reply 'I now see you and this for exactly what it was, thank goodness. Do not. I repeat do not. Ever contact me again. If we ever see each other please do not acknowledge my existence. Your conduct was truly despicable. I pray you do not inflict your insincerity on any other unsuspecting female. Please learn and try to become a decent human being please'.

Thanks and take care x

 

[ConfusedNTgirl]

How thoughtful to send that link! Very helpful )) xe thank you!!! X