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Really Struggling To Find What I Want To Do With My Life. Feel Like I’ve Messes Up My Whole Path And There’s Nothing I Can Do

BryceMcBryde

Active Member
As far as careers/jobs ago, I have known that I want to do music for years now. I know this is all I want to do. The music I want to make isn’t exactly billboard charting, but I think it could potentially getting a decent enough small fan base.

Four years ago, when I was 17, I moved back in with my mom because I had gotten tired of living with my dad and stepmom. I posted about that recently, so I won’t go into too much detail. About two years ago, I started going to college for computer programming, but I changed to art, then I thought about it and realized I didn’t really have much passion in those fields, so I quit going to college. I am currently on disability for several issues that affected me in my past. Only thing is though, those issues don’t really hurt me anymore. I am more than capable of working a full-time job, Even if it’s just flipping burgers or working the cash register. I want to get off disability, get a job, work on music in my free time, essentially just be a normal person. But I don’t know if my mom well let me do it, because she fought for a long time to get me lawyers so I can get on disability. My issues are mostly just mental issues, such as extreme OCD and depression. But those issues barely affect me anymore, and I would love nothing more than to just be a normal person. I just feel like my whole life is down I join forever now, and it’s all because of my stupid decisions.

If anyone just curious about the type of music I would want to make, here are some links





One issue related to music though, is that I cannot tour because of a specific health problem. I can still work a job fine, I just cannot be away from home around the country or even in other countries for more than a few days because of this specific issue. I’m not gonna go into detail, because it’s extremely personal, and I’m embarrassed to have it.
 
Why can't you just go for it with your music? What's stopping you?
There's nothing stopping me from creating, but I want to make music while also working a regular 9-5 job, even if it's something really simple, so I can have at least a bit of money to my name, and I don't think my mom wants me to do that, because she thinks I'm not capable of working in the real world. She only really thinks this because of my issues in the past
 
Not sure about laws pertaining to you, but I have brother-in-law on disability for autism. He is allowed to work a certain ammount of hours per week (ie. part time) and still keep disability. I can't remember how many hours but thought it was 20 or 30. This is in USA.
 
Music isn’t like a hourly paycheck, right? There should be plenty of ways to produce music while still on disability. Just don’t take any royalties until you get a following large enough that it genuinely replaces disability.
 
Not sure about laws pertaining to you, but I have brother-in-law on disability for autism. He is allowed to work a certain ammount of hours per week (ie. part time) and still keep disability. I can't remember how many hours but thought it was 20 or 30. This is in USA.
If you are getting SSI the rules are around $1,400/mon. That income could change the amount of EBT, so you might loose a little there but if you have the drive you should do something.

The reason they allow you to work and earn supplemental income is that it can take time to get the right job that works for you. They don’t want to keep you from getting a job, but for neurodivergent people, keeping a job can be hard for a bunch of reasons. I’ve watched my husband in tech loose jobs just because of misunderstanding the politics of a workplace.

Remember, you will have ups and downs, you don’t want to jump off the cliff and end up in burnout. Think of your disability check as a rope that will allow you to climb down toward working, with safety and the ability to rest along the way. Just plan it out and be methodical about it, get your mom’s buy in. I’m sure she wants to see you live your dreams.

When it comes to music, there are so many jobs that don’t require gigs, travel, etc. Take lessons to perfect your techniques, learn more instruments, learn about song writing, take classes at Berkeley Online, start a YouTube, find your niche. Even if you never make money with music, it’s worth learning and practicing for your own pleasure.

BTW, when my son with OCD tells me the why behind things he is compelled to do, it makes a lot of sense, because I have been through a bit of OCD too. Not everyone will judge you, there are people who get it.
 

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