really struggling with my being on the spectrum

[laurie]

ever since i can remember autism has been a bad word, asd has been demonised for me since i was young and didn’t even know i was on the spectrum. growing up in a uk public school was really tuff too i would constantly see people being bullied and be picked on myself for having autistic traits. this created an extremely negative narrative in my mind. it made me think that people with asd were unnatural. in my recent friendship they picked on people for wearing sunflower landyards and ridiculed autistic traits like stimming.

as much as i seem to do to combat this negative stigma in my brain i can’t seem to get it out of my head. so i was wondering if they’re was ever a realisation point for you? or just something you used to cope with being different? i’m relatively new to the autistic world (only got diagnosed formally 3 or so months ago) lmk

 

[Gerontius]

Hello friend,

Other people will doubtless have much better ways to deal with this but I would primarily urge you to take your time and don't let the opinions of contemptible types govern the way you see yourself. Autism has parts of it that are sometimes OK, sometimes tough to deal with. See it not as a lifestyle or as an identity, but as a set of commonalities with others sharing those traits to describe something about you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I grew up never knowing I was autistic. For the most part, because of my intellectual abilities I was rarely bullied, rather my lack of social skills had people discount my social worth and it was assumed that my lack of participation was a choice, so I never had any real connection with people. I've heard that some of my peers were afraid to approach me because I was frequently off by myself, even in social situations. So, I was pretty well isolated. The only thing that helped was climbing out of that hole of negative self image by deciding to like myself and using my special interests to emphasize that I was interesting and worthwhile. But, that did not happen until I was a young adult. I tried coping before this by trying to meet peoples expectations, but I do not recommend that as it delayed my ability to be my own person.

It sounds like you are not only observant, but introspective, and you are on your way to developing your own voice. You do not need others to determine your value. Just keep thinking that. Though, if you have social issues, ask for help in navigating that. Were that available to me I think the cPTSD that my isolation left me with would not have occurred.

 

[Martha Ferris]

For me finally knowing why my life and personal interactions have been such a struggle has set me free after years (over 60) of camouflaging and masking. I am not even trying to fit in any more nor am I beating myself up and judging myself any longer because I don't belong and never have and somehow, someway I am always failing although I don't know how. Dropping the facade is such a relief! I can just be who I am.

Accept who you are. There is nothing you can do about it anyway. Now what can you do WITH it? Turn what you think is a negative into a postive. For me if I had it to do over again and I knew that I was on the spectrum I would be a research librarian. It is what would make me happy. Going into medicine was something I thought I should do but not something I really wanted to do. Focus on the positives of the way you are made and do what makes you happy. It's your life to live and no one elses. They already have theirs.

 

[ForestGumpett]

I’ve only known within the last year. I’m older so it freaked me out at first but then when I got use to the idea it wasn’t that bad. It’s actually nice when things make sense.

You will be okay

 

[Suzette]

Another ASD late comer.
I spent most of my life not knowing I am on the spectrum but along the way I realized that "haters are gonna hate".
That means that the people who bully you or pick on you are hate-full people. They hate everything and anything. Life, for these people, is full of misery of their own making.
The best you can do is to not let these people get under your skin. Look at them with pity because, no matter how good they have it, they will only see misery.

I like keeping the phrase "haters are gonna hate" handy as a reminder that whatever they say or do, it's not about me, it is them.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I never got rid of the stigma, i hate myself. I wish I wasn't born as a subhuman. Asd has destroyed my life and will destroy more in the future.

I refuse to believe that of anybody. There are people here that have faced their fears to put a good life together. D'ya think it was easy? It took years for me, yet I still deal with cPTSD from my experience.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I'm not sure what you meant with refusing to believe that of anybody, i definitely hate myself, i daydream about setting myself on fire very often.

BEEN THERE, and I don't think it is permanent. Make yourself a special interest. I think there are quite a few self-help books that all start with learning to like yourself. C'mon, isn't it about time you rewrote your script into something you enjoy?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

ever since i can remember autism has been a bad word, asd has been demonised for me since i was young and didn’t even know i was on the spectrum. growing up in a uk public school was really tuff too i would constantly see people being bullied and be picked on myself for having autistic traits. this created an extremely negative narrative in my mind. it made me think that people with asd were unnatural. in my recent friendship they picked on people for wearing sunflower landyards and ridiculed autistic traits like stimming.

as much as i seem to do to combat this negative stigma in my brain i can’t seem to get it out of my head. so i was wondering if they’re was ever a realisation point for you? or just something you used to cope with being different? i’m relatively new to the autistic world (only got diagnosed formally 3 or so months ago) lmk

I had to check your age in order to get some perspective and context. You're 20. I am 54. Some things never change,...being a kid, all that insecurity, every tiny little thing could be a source for someone to tease and bully. Some kids shrink within themselves,...some kids over compensate for their own insecurities by being the bully. You're only a few years out of being a kid,...so with all due respect you haven't had a chance to see what 10 years, or so, of maturity will do for someone. Yes, anyone, at any age can be an immature idiot,...some people get off the "maturity train" at 13 and that's it,..."man-children",...the Bain of society. Most are not that way though.

What happened, happened. It is a part of your life, it has shaped you, so far. Don't minimize it. That said, you can't go through life looking into the past. Eyes forward. You've got a great future ahead of you if you open your mind to the possibilities and make things happen for you. Don't get into a mindset that your lot in life is due to others. Take control.

People on this forum have heard me rant on about stereotypical neurotypical behavior and their pathological discomfort with anything perceived as "different", how you look, how you behave,...anything. Every rule, guideline, law, policy and procedure, all in place,...for fear that something "different" might cause harm. I also say that at no time in history has anyone at any time made any significant contribution to humanity by doing the same as everyone else,...it is a must that something different needs to be done,...often by someone different. Embrace this reality. Embrace your autism. Accept who you are.

You are not going to follow the path of what "normal" people do,...your brain doesn't work this way. It will be frustrating,...you will struggle to understand,...but the reality is for many of us,...this neurotypical world can and will "handcuff" you and inhibit your potential. I am 54,...good Lord,...I came home from work today, fuming mad,...totally pissed off with our management once again creating more rules that inhibit my ability to do my job effectively and individualize the care of the infants I take care of in the ICU,...not because of me,...but because of critical misunderstandings of neonatal respiratory physiology that my neurotypical co-workers refuse to understand or study. It defies all logic in my brain. In your world, it will be something else, but really the same old thing. In my world,...I wish I could just be my own boss. Hindsight is 20/20,...had I known,...but I am cramming as much into my retirement account as I can so I can retire in a few years and leave it all behind.

Neurotypicals, in general, just make me angry. I feel like I could quote Donald Trump when he said, "I am sure there are some very fine people."

So, don't beat yourself up for any of your perceived differences. Being neurotypical and "normal" will only limit you. If you can,...be your own boss.

 

[unperson]

I'm not sure what you meant with refusing to believe that of anybody, i definitely hate myself, i daydream about setting myself on fire very often.

Go out in a blaze of glory? Not with a whimper, but with a bang?

(attempt at humour, not an endorsement)

 

[ForestGumpett]

I never got rid of the stigma, i hate myself. I wish I wasn't born as a subhuman. Asd has destroyed my life and will destroy more in the future.

Wow, you are angry huh! I’m sorry this has upset you - don’t think any of us want it but here we are right?! When you look around, you can see that it can always be worse but I don’t think it will be anything that we cannot handle, some times it takes living life just one day at a time.

Hang in there, keep your chin up and know that the sun will come up the next day. You have people that do care and are praying for you. (((Hug))) and I think your cool.

 

[Magna]

Hi Laurie. In childhood there are a lot of different reasons a child might be different from their peers. Even though there are many different reasons someone might be different, I believe there are really only two main paths to choose from:

1) Wish you were like other kids and wish you were "part of the group".
2) Either actively decide you don't want to be like other kids or part of the group or decide your attempts are unsuccessful, stop caring about it and be active "in your own world".

I was very much path #2 even as young as 8 years old and have been that way ever since.

Do you know who I regarded as having a negative stigma? The kids who were mean to me and to other kids. The kids who played mind games as a form of entertainment (psychological bullying). I wanted to be nothing like them. I was not the problem. They were the problem. I was not mean to others. They were mean to others by active bullying or excluding others from play and friendship if you weren't "in their group". Be like them? Seriously, no way. I thought "Why would I want a bully to like me? Why would I want to be like them? Also, I didn't have delusions of grandeur or think that I was the smartest kid in the class, but it was simply a fact that a good number of the "mean" kids were not as intelligent as I was. I didn't envy or want to be like them for that reason either.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Life has been good for me ,looking back, no real issues,

 

[Suzanne]

I had to go to a special school for moderate learning difficulties when I was 7 and that was torture for me.

Each day, had to go by a coach to get to school and the children going to mainstream school would shout and stick their fingers up at us, as the coach went by, calling us spastic etc. Made worse, that I was different, but had no idea of being on the spectrum.

When children talked about which school they were going to and asked me, as soon as they realised they did not know the school I went to, again, was called retard and so forth, so, in truth, I grew up hating being around those type of people and felt deeply uncomfortable, when confronted with them.

On my medical report, it has that I see a psychiatrist, but does not say for what reason ( not seen him since covid breakout) and that makes me feel discomfort and hate being known as having a handicap and have to keep talking myself into seeing that it benefits me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I had to go to a special school for moderate learning difficulties when I was 7 and that was torture for me.

Each day, had to go by a coach to get to school and the children going to mainstream school would shout and stick their fingers up at us, as the coach went by, calling us spastic etc. Made worse, that I was different, but had no idea of being on the spectrum.

When children talked about which school they were going to and asked me, as soon as they realised they did not know the school I went to, again, was called retard and so forth, so, in truth, I grew up hating being around those type of people and felt deeply uncomfortable, when confronted with them.

On my medical report, it has that I see a psychiatrist, but does not say for what reason ( not seen him since covid breakout) and that makes me feel discomfort and hate being known as having a handicap and have to keep talking myself into seeing that it benefits me.

I'm rating a heart because hearing what you say makes my heart ache. I have never understood why people would act that way unless they were morally deficient or had low self esteem. I lacked self esteem, and except for one lapse as a child that i remain thoroughly ashamed of, did not go in that direction.