Recent break up

[Caddy]

This has hit me really hard, recently split up with my wife. We have an 19 month old and it is getting complicated.
There is a big and complicated story behind this that I don't want to go in to.
My wife want to co-habit with me in our flat (it is that recent), and that is causing so much anxiety in me it is unbelievable.
Problem is my son is really not doing well as he is either living with me or his mum at her parents, so could really do with some stability.
What do I do?
How on earth am I going to cope with this? Do not need to go in to meltdown in front of him.
The only way I have found to cope so far is to act logical to the situation and bury myself in a project.
Doesn't help that we were meant to go on holiday now so have loads of free time on my hands........

 

[Momo]

If it's causing you this much stress it might be best to live in separate places, it's unfortunate, but you can provide your son with some stability when you're not so stressed out. If it's not doing you any good it's likely it won't do him much good either, children are very receptive of their environments. If you need to set out days or weeks you have with your son with your wife then that might be the best option for you. Though I don't know your situation well, I can tell it is getting to you. And regardless of all else if you can't cope it would be good to talk this out with your wife before taking any action.

 

[Lady Penelope]

I really feel for you but your mental health needs to take priority here.
Talking to someone about how you are feeling is going to help. Even if you just vent and cry and be a mess. Find someone safe to do this with. You need a safe place to let that out. Then you will be in a better mindset to apply logic and follow a plan.

Taking your mind off the situation via a project is not such a bad idea ... gives your subconscious time to adjust and assess the situation and calm down.

Time is your friend. It sucks balls now but things will get easier.

You have tough conversations and decisions coming up...like custody and who gets what in the divorce. You need to mentally prepare for these. Ask yourself what do you want?

If living with your wife for the time being is not an option for you then you will have to tell her. Stability for your kid will probably come from a routine and calm parenting.
Focus on
1. Living arrangements.
What works for you?
2. Custody. What routine before official divorce can you both agree upon?

Vent. Vent. Vent. Write down everything you feel...think...need and want ...if you don't have or can't find someone to just listen to your pain. You need an outlet and not to ignore it. Hurt needs to be set free....

I don't envy the hell you are in but take comfort that others have been through it and survived. You are not alone and your own happiness matters too. Don't forget about you.

 

[S-Head]

That's really rough Caddy, I'm sorry to hear that.

Would it help to start a project (another project?) together with your son? Where you spend time out of the house together maybe? It could be as simple as getting out and going for a walk together at the same time every day.

Don't neglect your wife, however if it gets really bad what works for me is to take the car for a 1 hour drive. Takes my mind off things, and then I'm ready for another conversation when I get back.

 

[Caddy]

Thank you all for your replies, they are really heartwarming.

I am lucky in that I do have a really good friend that I can talk to, and he's been brilliant. My parents and sister have been pretty good as well.
We are still talking, but I think we are in different places. I'm still trying to deal with my emotions and I think my wife is ready to get back with me - that scares me!

My son isn't doing so well, he can pick up that there is something amiss so we've decided to keep him at the flat and alternate which one of us looks after him there (sounds a bit like he'll be home alone - he's not, promise!)

Works by on my Range Rover project has helped me, and already planning thing to do with my son.