Woke up this morning and started vomiting, then I checked my temp and it was at 100.7F. My boss told me to use a sick day today.
Then I had to listen to my sponsor lecture me about how he believes I make myself sick just to get out of going to work, like the asshole he usually is.
I have a friend in Michigan who has a roommate and therefore is able to live off his SSDI check alone. He watches movies all day every day and seems to have a blast doing so. While I am stuck living alone with friends who rarely visit, a job that is not a good match for me, limited social outlets due to bad public transit, etc.
I want to buy a bus ticket, pack up my furniture and my valuables, and move to Michigan today.
So, this is timely, and I was just responding to
@Xinyta's situation on another thread.
@Metalhead, your post here, just made me sad that this is what it has come to:
"I have a friend in Michigan who has a roommate and therefore is able to live off his SSDI check alone. He watches movies all day every day and seems to have a blast doing so. While I am stuck living alone with friends who rarely visit, a job that is not a good match for me, limited social outlets due to bad public transit, etc.
I want to buy a bus ticket, pack up my furniture and my valuables, and move to Michigan today."
At this point, here, I will share
@Xinyta's and my posts. Perhaps there might be something you can take away from it:
"Either you start living or you start dying."
To start living, I must be will to let go and allow the answers to come when they will. Rumination will do nothing in helping that. Moving on and asking for help, when I need it, are all I can do now.
^^This^^
Yes! 100%. Start living. Get off the darn electronic devices, walk out the door, and experience life. Find a destination and go. Put your bare feet in the sand and listen to the waves crashing into the surf at a beach. Hike a difficult trail at a National Park. Listen to the birds and insects sing and the wind blowing through the trees in a forest. Feel the rumble of power and mist in your face at the base of a huge waterfall. Walk in the clouds atop a mountain. Rent a canoe and paddle a lazy river for hours in peace and quiet. Instead of trying to get out of the rain, let it soak you. Nature has some of the best therapy in the world.
Sometimes we do need to simply forget those problems and people in our lives by experiencing a different world from our own. One of the best ways is not by altering our consciousness, but by giving it a totally different stimulus. At which point, one will find themself so enveloped in the moment that everything else that they were worried about isn't a thought in their head. It's one of the only times that one can actually feel total freedom, where one's life is theirs alone.
As you get older, regrets and all those should have, would have, and could haves start to build. You don't want to look back your life and say to yourself, "Wow, I really wasted it doing nothing."
Personally, I've got a long, long "bucket list" of things to do and places to see, and sitting at home isn't on that list. I will work and make money so I can find moments and places to escape. My wife and I are off to Scotland for the first time. Leaving in a few weeks. But we find places, even locally, where we can escape and do things and not have to spend any money at all. If we get a free day off of work,
"Where are we going?".
Given your situation from your other posts, I would totally agree. You need a change. If that means moving to Michigan, awesome. I live in Michigan. Great place to live. However, being a lump on a log watching movies and playing video games? Dude, seriously. Unplug once in a while and do something totally scary, exciting, peaceful, meditative, etc. There are plenty of places in Michigan to do that if you look. Put the phone camera down and take in the experience. Be in awe of something and treat it as something precious that only you can experience. Nobody really wants to see anyone else's photos and videos except lonely grandparents missing their children and grandchildren because they are beyond their old body's physical means of sharing the experience with them. Time is horribly cruel to all of us. One thing my old age has taught me very harshly, sometimes those "somedays" never come to us, we have to chase it, reach out, and grab it for ourselves. Life is not a passive endeavor. When you are young and physically able, do it. Live out of a van or a tent. Be a nomad working for food, but experience life.
