Respect is mutual, right?

[Clarification]

My mom and I fight a lot. She's loved me when I was a child but now that I'm more independent, she doesn't respect me anymore. Not that "I am the leader" respect, but just plain friendship-respect.

I got upset right now because she says she doesn't want to hear me talk and to go away so she could play some games. The other time, she was doing nothing and when I asked her a question, - What don't they have? - when we were having a conversation and she said "They don't have that there" (I was speaking about multiple things), she told me not to be annoying and to go away, I don't want to hear you speak, etc, etc.

It's obvious when she had a conversation with my sister that she didn't like me anymore. Things said like, "She's so stupid" "She's crazy and an idiot" were told and when my older sister, whom has also become more insecure ever since I stopped reacting to her insults (she insults even more now and hits me when she's angry - my mom allows her to do that to me), told my mom to tell me she said that, my mother didn't even argue. She stayed quiet and my older sister would come over and tell me no one likes me, I'm stupid, etc.

I don't know how to earn their respect. Please list some ways? I just want to be heard for not just extremely important things but simple things, like "Where did you put that box in the basement, mom?" and not get yelled at.

 

[Soup]

Hi, Clarification. What you are describing is disturbing & it goes far beyond respect for someone now that they're growing up. As a parent of 2 young adult 'kids' I know that transitioning from being a parent of 2 teens to being a parent to 2 adults is not always easy.

What is happening in your situation, if you have been accurate in your recounting, is emotional abuse: deliberate & calculated. How old are you & how old is your sister? Is your father in the picture?

Respect ought to be mutual: or it isn't really respect & we should be calling it something else. Your mother sounds like she is angry over something & you are getting the brunt of it.

 

[Gulas]

Ha! Reading your story is like a deja-vu of my own past. I used to believe if I respected others well-being, they would respect mine. If I were peaceful, others would leave me at peace. Unfortunatly, that's not reality. The world don't play at my assumptions or rules.

The world is not fair, and that's a good thing. So I can work and fight for what I believe it's right. Abusive behavior by family members I can't tolerate anymore, now that I'm 20 years old. Family are supposed to protect you, instead of being abusive. A short term solution I found is try interact as minimal as possible with them. Care little for those who bring pain. And try find people who like and respect you for who you are.

Physical abuse stopped when I learned to defend myself, went to gym, got stronger. I quited it after 1 year, but I'm still fit.

Name calling hurts only if you buy into them. For example, my mother used to tell me I'm not people, I'm alien, weird. And it hurted because I have difficulties to feel I belong to someone, somewhere. I thought these things were true. But this is ********. Luckyly, I found a few friends who respect me for who I am, who don't call me names, and we enjoy sharing our time together, once a week, or once a month when we're busy. Not everyone in this world is an asshole, even though family members were most of the time.

Also, try avoid hate. Such thoughts are poison. Just try to find better people than those who don't respect you. No need for hate, just ignore them as much as possible and move on. I know, it's even harder when you live with them. But there's still good in this world, and good people.

That's my thoughts.

Thank you!!

 

[Warwick C]

I am sorry to how you are being treated at the moment.

I just hope you can find some one to talk to. May be the problem is not with you and your just on the
receiving end. It could also just be expectations on your mothers side, and your just not able to meet them.

I hope you can work them out in time and in mean time remember your doing the best you can for yourself.

Warwick