Reverse Tunnel Vision?

[LostInSilentHill]

So I suffer from something I call reverse tunnel vision.

Basically, I can see the interactions of others and usually tell whats going on if someone is angry, flirting, etc. I can then tell the other person(s) if the interaction was important, what someone was trying to get across and help them deal with the situation.

But if it is something with me involved, I cannot read the other person. I miss any cues, points in the conversation, and have no idea what the other person was feeling. It's like I can see everything around me except was is directly in front of me.

Is this common? I know it frustrates people and I have no idea how to rectify the problem.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Could it be that you are so focused on saying the right words or acting a certain way that your concentration on the other is not there? That is why you are missing their cues. I mean, if one is too shy, self-conscious or not confident speaking, then it may be natural to be focused on that instead of the other, and if you are more tense or less relaxed then. But, from a distance, when just watching and listening to others, instead of talking to them, you can focus all your efforts there as the attention is not on any faults. That is how I was.

Only through building up my social self-esteem through practicing my one-to-one social skills, and by thinking more positively and through techniques to relax myself and worry less, have I learned to want to focus on others' cues when talking or socializing. After all, if one did not love himself, and if he thought he was acting strange or too shy, why would he want to understand what the other was thinking or feeling about them during a face to face talk? That would bring about more self-hatred, pain or embarrassment.

 

[pjcnet]

I can tell when someone is angry, flirting Etc, but often only when it's blatant and/or in your face. For instance there's been many social situations where I've believed that everything is fine, then suddenly a person is very angry. I've then been criticised of being insensitive and saying all the wrong things, or that my behavior was inappropriate, all because I didn't see any clues building up until the person suddenly loses their temper and only then I see an issue which is normally too late to resolve easily. I've had many situations where I'm then told that I caused a person to lose their temper and/or storm out when I can't see what I did wrong and it was obviously never intentional. It's upset me and further made me avoid social situations wherever possible.

When it's myself involved I am similar to yourself and I'm also often accused of not listening and/or being interested when I am doing my best, E.g. the other person may say something like, "you're not listening" and/or "why do I bother speaking to you".

Regarding rectifying the problem, well I don't see any easy solution, although even with aspies practice can make us improve as long as we know where we went wrong. We are lucky if we have NT friends that are understanding of aspies and are then more inclined to make allowances, E.g. They think I'm not going to get angry because I know he/she isn't reading my emotions and cues and is doing his/her best. A really good NT friend may even calmly point things out without getting upset so it is possible to improve over time. And when discussing yourself they could me more patient, saying things slowly and clearly, stopping at intervals to ensure you understand what has been said so far Etc.

 

[SusanLR]

I agree with being the same.
It's not easy to stay focused in the one on one converations, but, it's easy to see what's going on with others around me as long as I'm not involved.
A good example of this for me is when I go to a mall and just sit down to relax. I start people watching. Then I start noticing interactions, words, emotions, facial and body language and can understand what's up accurately.

 

[LogicalMind]

Same here lol

 

[Suzanne]

I would say: panic is what causes this to happen.

When it does not involve me, I can look and absorb; but when it comes directly to me, I am lost.

When I do not have to speak French, I speak it fairly ok. When I am obliged to, I am the opposite.

Too occupied with the fear of not understanding someone, or making a fool out of myself and so, all that it taken up and thus, missing many points.

 

[OlLiE]

same here, i've learned to analyse and detect emotions of others
TV sitcoms were a great source to see and recognise exaggerated emotions as a kid
but i don't detect it for myself,
i tend to stick to logic and am oblivious of others and their emotions towards me

my dad once took me aside after a walk in town and told 'you are single but girls are looking at all the time, you really don't see it do you' to which i answered 'uhhh, really? nope)

almost all my relationships were initiated by the girls/women