Roommate... Again...

[AutistAcolyte]

i recently moved out of my old place and it was a huge chore. the new spot i moved in to is ok, its a townhome and i have two roommates now instead of one. the location is nice because i can take the metro to commute most days instead of driving, but the downside (and its a big one) is that the landlady is one of the roommates and shes very frustrating.

she wants to control how things are done and is very particular. theres no trash can in the house, we have to keep all of our trash in little grocery bags in the garage. she wants me to store all of my things in the kitchen in one bottom cupboard (i'm ~6'3" and its a pain to have to squat any time i want to use anything in the kitchen) while she essentially uses the whole house as her personal storage. she has things littering the hallway upstairs, enough that it's almost a tripping hazard, but not quite. if i dont clean something to her standards after i've used it, she makes a point to tell me so (and i'm not a dirty person, i moved out of my old place in part because my roommate almost never cleaned anything and the whole house looked like a bomb had gone off) but when she does something actually dangerous and i have to fix it, she treats it like its no big deal (she left the stove on in the middle of the night heating water and i came down and turned it off because the kettle was whistling for a while. if the kettle hadnt been whistling i wouldn't have known). i'm just frustrated. this morning i was doing laundry and was going to let the machine get some water in it before putting the detergent in, and she came out and asked what i was doing and told me that she doesnt do it that way and then texted me later telling me to put the detergent in before i start the machine.

just venting.

 

[Luc Ienn]

I know you said “just venting” but this is very relatable for me.

This kind of reminds me of my ex. Not saying that to disparage my ex, more just thinking about some shared traits. They would be very particular about clutter and would want me to prevent as much clutter as possible, but they would make a lot of clutter on their own. “This is my clutter, and I keep it to my spaces, and I’ll deal with it when I can, so that’s fine” is what they’d say to justify it (unfortunately one of “their spaces” was our shared bedroom).

My ex is diagnosed with ADHD. I believe that due to their own struggles with maintaining organization, having any outside clutter that wasn’t their own just made it a lot worse on them. This is probably why they’d be so adamant that I do my part to prevent clutter.

I don’t like getting into the habit of guessing if people are ND or not, since there’s always false positives, but maybe it’s worth opening some dialogue with your roommate to see if there’s compromises and structure that both of you can work on together in case this is something that deeply affects her day to day living.

You are not beholden to meeting your roommate halfway if she does not seem interested in meeting your needs, of course.

If my suggestions seem unrealistic, I hope any other replies might be more appropriate.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

thanks @Luc Ienn, i'm viewing this as a transitional living space since i'm hoping to move to be closer to family. im so tired of dealing with roommates i think im just going to put up with this one for the time being since the idea of getting into it sounds even more exhausting. i'm also going through a weird transitional thing with work and its all a lot to think about at once

i know what youre saying is good advice but i feel like im just scraping by as it is

 

[Rodafina]

 

[Luc Ienn]

i know what youre saying is good advice but i feel like im just scraping by as it is

I will admit, I gave myself a self conscious panic a bit after I posted my reply (and this forum doesn’t let you edit or delete after a certain amount of time) because I felt as if I was being a little flippant with your struggle, or barging in with unnecessary advice when all you needed was to get it out. I apologize if I overstepped, but at the same time, I just want you to know that I get ya. I feel this struggle a lot. And honestly, despite my advice, it’s not like I ever did the same with my ex either. I too just don’t want to share a space with anyone for a long time after my experiences. I hope you can one day soon find a better living situation for yourself.

 

[Shevek]

In my experience, a landlady is very likely to see tenants as unruly children. I will never have another one. Nobody I know really expcts them to be able to obey tenancy law on "their" property. The Police only got me a slight delay in my last illegal eviction.